Learning to Love Unconditionally
Since learning to love unconditionally is so important when seeking marriage restoration, one of the first things I do when I start talking to a woman standing for the restoration of her marriage, is ask her if she really loves her husband. Of course, the answer is always “yes”, and most of the time “very much” is thrown in somewhere. And then I ask her to read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 out loud, which says Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. If she starts reading through it fast, as most do, I ask her to slow down, considering each point as she reads it. Then after she’s read it, I ask if she still thinks she loves her husband, and how well she’s demonstrated it. With only one exception, the impact has been VERY dramatic, because when we’re honest, we have to admit that we haven’t loved our husbands like that. If we had, they wouldn’t be somewhere else right now. So one of the first things we have to do when we’re standing for marriage restoration is acknowledge that we have NOT loved our husbands as they need to be loved and as the Lord commands us to love them. And marriage restoration is NOT possible without admitting that and learning how to love UNCONDITIONALLY.
Learning to love the way God calls us to love begins by understanding that love can not be separated from God and it’s not possible to love that way without the Love of God in us, as we see in the following verses:
1 John 4:19
We love because he first loved us.
1 John 4:7
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
1 John 4:16
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.
1 John 4:8
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
John 15:12
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.
So the ONLY way it’s possible to love our husbands as the Lord commands, is to be more like Jesus, as we see in Ephesians 5:1-2, which tells us Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Perhaps that’s why we hear unconditional love often referred to as “sacrificial love”, which is confirmed again in John 15:13, which says Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. We usually think of this verse as meaning that we’re willing to die for our loved ones, but I think it really means that we “lay down” our own will, our own needs and desires, and our flesh to better serve the one we love. In the same way, Jesus didn’t literally mean we have to “take up” a cross daily to follow Him as He stated in Luke 9:23, which says Then he said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. Actually Jesus said “his cross”, which could be ANYTHING our flesh uses to make us less like Christ, and that’s why He said we had to take it up daily. To love our husbands as the Lord expects definitely requires us to “deny” ourselves and CONSTANTLY crucify our flesh!
The following verses offer additional insight into the nature and character of love, from God’s perspective, along with some excellent advice about how to love unconditionally:
Hosea 3:1
The LORD said to me, “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the LORD loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes.”
Song of Solomon 8:6-7
Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.
Proverbs 17:9
He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
Luke 6:32
“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them.
1 Peter 4:8
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
1 Corinthians 16:14
Do everything in love.
Ephesians 4:2
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
Proverbs 27:5
Better is open rebuke than hidden love.
Proverbs 21:21
He who pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor.
1 Timothy 6:11
But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.
1 Peter 3:8
Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.
There’s a LOT of wisdom and sound advice in all of the above scriptures, so we’d be wise to revisit them often and check to see how well we’re putting them into practice. And remember what James 1:22-25 tells us, which is Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.