I had a totally different topic in mind this morning, but when I read Judy Rousseau’s Marriage Partners message for the day, I recognized the importance of her message, and called and asked permission to share excerpts from it in my post today. And just as I expected, Judy graciously agreed! Thanks, Judy!

As we stand for the restoration of our marriages, support from someone who will agree with us in prayer, especially in the early days, weeks or months, is SO important and encouraging. So I always encourage the FAM members to reach out to others, AND to make themselves available to meet that need for the ladies the Lord is certain to bring into their lives, because 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 tells us Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. And Matthew 18:19 demonstrates why it is SO important to have prayer partners, because it says “Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. And if the Lord finds that we’re not faithful with little, He will take even that away from us and will NOT give us (or trust us with) more, as Jesus taught us in The Parable of the Talents.

While there’s no doubt how important it is to have prayer partners, especially when we’re going through such a difficult time in our lives, even that relationship has the potential to become more harmful than helpful. So the guidelines Judy suggested in her message today are VERY important for ALL of us to consider and keep in mind as we receive and provide ministry and prayer support as we stand for the restoration of our marriages. The following are excerpts from Judy’s message this morning, which I have edited a little, mostly in terms of formatting:

“Here’s a message from Jennifer in Kentucky:
I JUST ASK THAT YOU WOULD BE PRAYING THERE IS ALOT OF FASTING GOING ON RIGHT NOW AND I BELIEVE SOME MIGHTY BREAKTHROUGHS ARE HERE UPON US, AND THE LORD HAS REALLY IMPRESSED UPON MY HEART TO BE PRAYING FOR THE NATURAL MANIFESTATIONS OF THESE BREAKTHROUGHS TO COME FORTH. I JUST ASK THAT YOU WOULD HELP US TO PRAY FOR THESE MANIFESTATIONS. IN CHRIST, JENNIFER, KY

(Thank you, Jon in Oklahoma and Wilma in Virginia for sending me my past message about prayer partnerships.)

Since our marriage was restored in April of 95, I’ve received thousands of calls from people in hurting marriages. By no means do I profess to be an expert, I’m still learning but there are some things that I’ve learned over the years that I’d like to pass on to you. For our prayer counselors, these things may serve as helpful hints and for those who choose to contact our prayer counselors hopefully it will give you an idea of some of the ways a counselor can help you. So how about I divide my thoughts into two categories, those for prayer counselors and those for the people who call them …

As a prayer counselor:
Seek the daily filling of the Holy Spirit and remember to put on the protective armor spelled out in the word of God. (The helmet of salvation, the breastplate of righteousness, the belt of truth, the shoes of the preparation of the gospel of peace, the shield of faith and the sword of the spirit.)
Remember, you are all covered in our daily prayer. We are all praying that you will handle each call with Godly wisdom and Christian love. If you’re new to all this, be assured that the Lord will guide you
Strive to live a life of obedience and holiness and encourage those you speak to do likewise.
Counsel according to biblical truth and not worldly opinion. If possible give your caller scriptures to back up the things you have said..
Approach each conversation with humility. Don’t let the goal of your conversation be to impress your caller with your knowledge. If you allow the Holy Spirit to lead you, this shouldn’t be a problem.
Try not to tell people what they should do based on your own understanding. Direct callers to seek God and His guidance for themselves.
Be yourself as you minister to others, for the Lord has gifted you uniquely to serve Him.
The level of Christian maturity will likely vary with each call you receive and you will need to exercise discernment to speak according to the caller’s understanding. Also, some people come into our group very wounded with painful pasts. Always keep in mind that the person you are speaking to is made in the image of God and He has good plans for them. Try not to get discouraged if it appears that a person has a long, long way to go. God changes lives every day and He may choose you to be an instrument of change in that person’s life.
Be sensitive to your caller’s need to be heard but if callers want to spend too much time talking about their circumstances, gently speak to them about redirecting their focus away from their circumstances and onto the things of the Lord. (Remember how long the children of Israel wandered in the desert because they chose to murmur and complain about their circumstances? We want our partners to have victory and we want that victory to come through the shortest route possible. Murmuring and complaining will only prolong suffering.)
Discourage a caller from becoming dependent upon you instead of the Lord. (If someone is calling you excessively, more than once a day on a regular basis, that is a good sign that the person is becoming dependent on you. For some, daily calls might be appropriate. Just follow the leading of the Holy Spirit and you will be able to discern how the Lord would have you handle it. It is possible that you might receive daily calls from a person for a season but as the person grows and learns to become more dependent on the Lord, the calls should decrease or perhaps you will notice that your relationship with this person has become one of mutual encouragement.
If a caller should become negative, don’t allow yourself to get caught up in it, but stand firm being led by the Holy Spirit. It’s likely that some of your callers will be angry at their mates, but please do not allow your callers to bash their mates or speak of anyone disrespectfully. We need to remember that we are not fighting against flesh and blood but against the powers of darkness. Every person (even those who are hurting us) are made in the image of God.
To protect your own family time, set limits for the hours when you will take calls. (Of course, there may be times when the Lord instructs you to answer regardless of the hours you’ve set. When that happens, be obedient.)
Before concluding your conversation, offer a brief (or long if led that way) prayer entrusting the person and their situation to the Lord.

If you are calling a prayer counselor:
Please respect our prayer counselor’s time by calling counselors during the hours that they specify that they are available.
Don’t expect our prayer counselor to have all the answers, your answers must come from God and He is waiting to reveal Himself to you.
Try not to make excessive phone calls to our counselors. They are human and have limits but Our God is God and nothing is impossible for Him.
If your prayer counselor says that he or she must go, please respect their time and don’t come up with a list of “just one more things”.
Please don’t dwell on your circumstances. Share what you need to share without focusing on negative things. If your prayer counselor tries to direct you back to the Lord, don’t resist and insist on talking about the things that are troubling you.
If your prayer counselor gives you scriptures, write them down and later on meditate on them, asking the Lord to show you how you might apply His word to your life.
Always keep in mind that even though you may not feel it, God loves you very much and He has a good plan for Your life. It is His desire to give you victory over every plan of the enemy.

And here are some other random thoughts about prayer relationships…
I believe the bottom line with any relationship is that we should remember Matthew 22:37-39, Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” While we are commanded to love our neighbors (and prayer partners), notice that the FIRST and GREATEST commandment is to put God first. There are those that talk about God, talk about faith, but never do anything. Then there are those that may go to church, go through all the motions and the routine but may never actually get to know God, our ultimate teacher.
For example, imagine a person who is trying to get in shape calling and saying “What did you do in exercise class? What did you learn?” Perhaps you may be able to answer those questions, but how is that person going to trim down and get fit if she never actually does anything on her own? She may even report to the class and get the trainer to formulate a personal workout plan for her, BUT IF SHE NEVER DOES IT, WHAT GOOD IS IT???
1) A prayer partner should be that… a PRAYER partner. It is so easy to become friends and just end up chatting and never praying anymore. Then we are tempted to talk about the bad things, nit pick over everything our spouse or child has said or done, complain about what our spouse or OP is doing, etc. Prayer can easily become an afterthought or worse….forgotten completely.
2) Caution against calling your prayer partner first. When in crisis, I think we should always train ourselves to go to the throne before the phone. I know it is so tempting when we get bad news to say “I need to call my prayer partner!” with the excuse of needing someone to pray with us, then we are using that other person to help us get over the crisis. I know some people, myself included, who will nearly work themselves into a panic when they are unable to reach someone via phone. Our comfort should come from the Lord, not our prayer partner
3) Know that your partner cares about you and is there for you, but that means you should respect the other person’s boundaries. Do not call your partner late at night or early in the morning unless your partner specifically says that is the best time for you to call. Respect WHEN you call, HOW OFTEN you call and HOW LONG your conversations last. Try to realize that your partner may be trying to sleep or have their own quiet time which you may be interrupting.
4) Don’t rely on your partner to teach you all spiritual matters…..especially if your partner is more “spiritually mature” than you are. It is fine to learn from your partner but you can’t rely on them to constantly guide you in your spiritual walk. You must have your own quiet time with the Lord. You must spend time in prayer and reading your bible. Just like exercise, you can’t rely on someone else to do it for you. Remember that Jesus trained his disciples and then He left them. He did not stay on earth to guide them through everything. He gave them (and us) the Holy Spirit, who will never leave us and that is who we need to rely on.
5) Be careful that you are not making your partner dependent on you. You may enjoy the attention, you may like being needed but use caution when encouraging your partner to call you ANY time. Your partner needs to depend on the Lord for comfort and guidance and not you.
6) Remember that we must each stand before the Lord to give an account of our own lives. Yes, we are to love and care for each other but it is so easy to make your partner an idol. Examine yourself now to see if you are repeating patterns with your partner that you had with your own spouse. Always remember that the Lord is a jealous God and he wants no one…not your spouse, not your prayer partner…to be first in your heart.
7) Don’t get into the habit of checking with your partner to find out what you should do. Train yourself to have quiet time with the Lord. The Lord will guide you and tell you what to do if you seek Him. Too often we get into the habit of calling our partner to find out if they think we should sign the papers, what do they think we should say to our spouse, what does our partner think we should do about OP? If you are spending all your time seeking advice from and listening to your partner, your ears will become deaf to the Lord’s still, small voice.

Hope you find the above information helpful whether you serve as a prayer counselor or if you are a brother or sister who calls one. These thoughts came from my prayer counselor message and I thought I’d reshare them with you today because I’m certain that these words are going to minister to someone.

Before closing today, I’d like to share a few things the Lord laid on my heart this morning. Some of you may be struggling big time and you wonder whether or not you are going to be able to make it through. You feel like you’ve been going around and around and around and now you find yourself in the same place you started from. You are miserable and discouraged. You’ve talked to other Christians maybe even a few of our prayer counselors but nothing ever seems to change in your life. You are trying to hear from God, but it feels like the heavens have a CLOSED FOR THE SEASON sign on the door.

Dear brother or sister, Jesus said that His sheep WILL KNOW AND HEAR HIS VOICE. In fact, it’s likely that the Lord may have spoken to you in various ways but you are not listening. Let me share a scenario that will demonstrate what I’m trying to say. You’ve been miserable beyond words and it’s hard to keep your thoughts off of your circumstances. Whenever you find yourself in a conversation, you spend most of your words talking about your situation and things that your mate has done or said. In fact you are even able to recall the exact days and times that some of your disappointments have occurred. You open the Bible to read and turn to 1 John 5:9 (KJV) that says if we receive the witness of men, the witness of God is greater: for this is the witness of God which he hath testified of his Son. You go to church and hear a sermon about the importance of letting go of your fears and considering God greater than your circumstances. You get into the car and hear someone singing CAST YOUR BURDEN UPON THE LORD. The bumper sticker on the car in front of you on your way to work said, LET GO AND LET GOD. You speak to a Christian brother or sister or even one of our prayer counselors and they tell you that they believe that you are dwelling too much on your circumstances and that you really need to let them go.
Precious one, if the above scenario describes you, please recognize that GOD _*IS*_ TALKING TO YOU but you are choosing not to listen. Dear brother or sister, it’s time to be obedient to what God has been telling you. It’s likely that you will not receive another word from the Lord until you are obedient to what He has already said to you. May the Lord give you all you need to release those cares that you are holding on so tightly to. Think about it, if you choose to continue carrying your cares yourself, your help is limited to your own abilities and resources but if you entrust your burdens to the Lord AND LEAVE THEM WITH HIM, the Lord’s capabilities are endless.

Partners, I can share all of the above with you because I had my own season of “not hearing” what the Lord was saying to me because I was too caught up in my emotions and my painful circumstances. But the Lord had mercy on me and allowed me to partake of His grace to let those things go and entrust them into His capable hands. My life has not been the same since. Jesus is my burden bearer, won’t you let him bear yours also. He’s waiting for your response…”

Posted Wednesday, June 28th, 2006 at 12:15 pm in Seeds Of Faith.