One of the most important aspects of marriage restoration quite often overlooked is what God expects us to do during what feels like an endless time of waiting for the restoration of our marriages. But we need to pay a lot more attention to that, because it does determine how the Lord works on our behalf, and even what He CAN do for us. Mark 6:4-6 (NKJV) says But Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his own country, among his own relatives, and in his own house.” Now He could do no mighty work there, except that He laid His hands on a few sick people and healed them. And He marveled because of their unbelief. Then He went about the villages in a circuit, teaching. So there’s no doubt that our failure to honor the Lord or our inability to believe in His power and willingness to restore our marriages CAN prevent Him from performing the mighty work of marriage restoration we want and need in our lives.

That means the FIRST thing we need to focus on when disaster strikes in our marriages is restoring our walk and relationship with our Lord and Savior, so that our faith and confidence in Him is strong enough to withstand all the fiery darts of deception, doubt and unbelief the devil will attempt to use to discourage us and make us give up. And since Romans 10:17 tells us Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ, the one thing we should make a top priority is spending quality time reading and studying our Bibles. Yet, if we’re all honest, very few of us probably spend even 20 minutes a day reading and studying the word of God. And that’s very sad considering that Ephesians 6:16 (NKJV) tells us above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one, indicating that acquiring faith through the power of God’s word is one of the most important things to do in order to be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might and to put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil, according to Ephesians 6:11-12 (NKJV).

Then Psalm 119:105 tells us Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. And Psalm 119:114 says You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word. So it’s very important for us to understand that without putting our hope in the word of God and relying on it as a light for our path, it’s doubtful we’ll understand that He IS our ONLY refuge and shield which means we’re not likely to experience the awesome peace and power of the promise found in Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV), which says Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Obviously we have to KNOW the ways of God before we can acknowledge them, and it’s just not possible to trust in Him with all our hearts without knowing and understanding His ways and nature. That’s why we have to study the word of God to have the knowledge and faith it takes to withstand the power of the devil for the restoration of our marriages. And that’s the awesome promise the Lord gives us in Psalm 37:5-6, which says Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Then when our marriages are restored, we will be able to testify to the truth and power of 1 John 2:14, which says I write to you, fathers, because you have known him who is from the beginning. I write to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God lives in you, and you have overcome the evil one.

Having faith and confidence that our prayers will be answered is another very important reason to focus on our relationship and walk with the Lord, and reading and studying His word, because Matthew 21:22 tells us If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” That means if we don’t believe, we shouldn’t expect the Lord to hear and answer our prayers, as confirmed in James 1:6-8, which says But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. But Mark 11:24 goes even further, because it says Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Wow! That says we have to believe we’ve ALREADY received it, and that takes SOME kind of faith, which is something we wouldn’t know without reading and studying the Bible. And that explains what Colossians 4:2 (NKJV) means when it says Continue earnestly in prayer, being vigilant in it with thanksgiving; And one of the most powerful examples in the Bible of persistent prayer is The Parable of the Persistent Widow in Luke 18:1-8, which says:
Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’ “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care about men, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually wear me out with her coming!’ ” And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?” Ouch! That last line really hurts, because the truth is that He probably doesn’t find the faith in most of us that we should have in Him, and WOULD have if we had even a little understanding of His great power and enduring love! I especially love the way this parable ties into the need to seek justice, because it reminds me of God’s promise to make the justice of our cause shine like the noon day sun!

Even though it would be easy to write a book about what we should do while waiting for the Lord to restore our marriages, Which I obviously don’t have the time or space to do here, another important point to make is the Lord’s instructions in 1 Corinthians 7:15-16, which saysBut if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? While this tends to be controversial and it’s often used as an “escape clause”, anyone taking the time to study the meaning of the original text understands that this is not a reference to being released from the marriage covenant, and therefore free to remarry, because the word used here for bondage is the same word used for slaves or servants elsewhere, and it does not use the same word used everywhere else in the Bible for the marriage “contract” or the bond of marriage. The only way to be sure of the meaning when controversy or conflict appears to exists about a verse or passage of scripture in the Bible, is to find confirmation of its meaning elsewhere, because the Bible never contradicts itself, and the true meaning is always confirmed or explained by other verses or passages. And 1 Timothy 2:1-4 leaves little doubt of the true meaning of the above verses, because it says I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone—for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. So there’s no doubt that the Lord expects us to live in peace with our husbands even if they leave us, and that doing so can lead them to salvation, as further confirmed in 1 Peter 3:1-6. And ANY husband who does not believe in honoring the covenant made by his marriage vows is an “unbeliever”, and the following verses help better understand what the Lord means when He tells us to live in peace with our husbands and everyone else:

Proverbs 16:7
When a man’s ways are pleasing to the LORD, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him.

Isaiah 32:18
My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest.

Romans 12:18
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

2 Corinthians 13:11
Finally, brothers, good-by. Aim for perfection, listen to my appeal, be of one mind,
live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.

Hebrews 12:14
Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.

So despite the claims otherwise, the Lord was NOT saying that He just wants us to be happy and at peace in our minds and spirit since we know He always expects that of us anyway, based on Philippians 4:11; Ovviously He meant that we are called to co-exist peaceably with our husbands and everyone else, and that in so doing we could lead them to the Lord and save our marriages and restore our families.

Finally, it’s very important to use this time of waiting to serve the Lord, being busy about doing His business. He puts something in front of us to do every day and that’s what He expects and requires us to be faithful to do; and He strongly disapproves of idleness, gossip and being busybodies, as the following verses make very clear

2 Thessalonians 3:11
We hear that some among you are idle. They are not busy; they are busybodies.

1 Timothy 5:13
Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to.

Titus 2:4-5
Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

And the following verses give us a better idea of what the Lord ALWAYS expects from us in service to Him as we minister to others:

Romans 12:11
Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.

Luke 4:8
Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.’ “

Romans 14:17-19
For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men. Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.

1 Peter 4:10
Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.

Revelation 1:5-6
and from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, the firstborn from the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth. To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood, and has made us to be a kingdom and priests to serve his God and Father—to him be glory and power for ever and ever! Amen.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

It doesn’t take much time in marriage restoration ministry to understand how important faith is and that the ONLY way we’ll have the faith we need for the lasting restoration of our marriages is to get serious about reading and understanding God’s word. We have to really know and understand the ways, nature, character and promises of God before we can commit to His way or acknowledge Him in all of our ways, much less trust Him with all of our hearts. There’s no way to overstate the power and importance of prayer, so it’s important to know that the effectiveness of our prayers greatly depends on the depth of our faith and persistence. And the Lord ALWAYS calls us to live in peace with others. In fact, Psalm 34:14 tells us Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. And that doesn’t just mean for us to refrain from doing evil ourselves, but it also means that when we’re on the receiving end of someone else’s evil or hurtful behavior, instead of retaliating, we should turn away from it and seek peace, even to the point of pursuing it. And the only way we’ll be able to humble ourselves sufficiently to do that is through the grace and power of knowing God’s word and a lot of prayer! But the greatest way to move the hand of the Lord on our behalf is through obedience to serve Him; to be the ambassadors He calls us to be. We all have a ministry of some kind, and it’s up to each of us to find out what that is, and then to do it to the very best of our ability. We can’t waste our lives and the precious time the Lord gives us each day drowning in a pool of self-pity and unhappiness. There’s NO glory for the Lord in that! God has a purpose for this time in our lives, and it’s always meant to bring us into right relationship with Him, where we learn to put Him first. God will not settle for second place in our lives. He wants to be first. He wants us to love Him more than anything or anyone else and He wants us to want our relationship with Him more than the restoration of our marriages. And in the same way we wouldn’t tell a child to do something, and then reward them even if they don’t do it, God can’t and won’t reward us when we fail to do the things His word tells us we must do for salvation, deliverance and restoration, so we need to put this time of waiting to good use as we learn more about the Lord and what He’s calling us to do.

Posted Monday, December 4th, 2006 at 11:45 pm in Seeds Of Faith.