It sure is a good thing that God tells us right up front that there’s no point in trying to understand everything He says and expects us to do, because His thoughts and ways are so much higher and different than ours, just like Isaiah 55:8-9 says: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. So when we struggle to fully understand and make human sense of God’s ways, instead of getting frustrated and discouraged because we can’t, we have to remember that’s why Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. And there’s little doubt that one of the most difficult things for us to fully understand as we stand for the restoration of our marriages is God’s instruction in 1 Corinthians 7:15-16, which says But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? Perhaps the thought that letting our spouses go and living in peace could ultimately save them and lead to the restoration of our marriages seems like such a paradox, that it makes this one of the most widely misinterpreted verses in the Bible today. Since the misinterpretation of the word bound or bondage as used here has already been covered in great detail elsewhere on the site, there’s no need to address the fact that most Christian leaders erroneously use that to teach that it means free to get a divorce and remarry again.

However, it is important to try to understand why God would ask us to do something that seems so contradictory and goes so much against our very nature. But then that’s exactly what a paradox is, as defined by Miriam-Webster Online Dictionary as follows:
“2a: a statement that is seemingly contradictory or opposed to common sense and yet is perhaps true
b: a self-contradictory statement that at first seems true
c: an argument that apparently derives self-contradictory conclusions by valid deduction from acceptable premises
3: one (as a person, situation, or action) having seemingly contradictory qualities or phases”

Since this has been a topic of discussion with a number of FAM Fellowship members over the past week or so, I want to share just a couple of things I believe the Lord has shown me. First, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that when there is a struggle to hold onto someone, that both parties involved experience the stress and pressure of the conflict and both are unable to focus on much else, and neither are at peace. There’s an unavoidable atmosphere of turmoil and conflict as both battle to assert their will and convince or force the other to accept and submit to it. And most of the time, the pressure and frustration get to be more than one of the parties can bear and they end up leaving to get away from it, because they’re just too tired of the battle. Since we are all wired to avoid the things that make us uncomfortable and ill at ease, refusing to truly release our spouses when they want to leave makes it very unlikely that they’ll stay or return. BUT when we stop trying to hold onto them, the stress, turmoil and conflict ends IMMEDIATELY, and just like what happens when a tug-of-war stops, there’s no longer a reason to strain and pull away anymore, and there’s an instant sense of relief, and the natural reaction is to take a deep breath and rest. And then there’s time and energy to think about or focus on other things. But not only does that happen for the spouse who wants to be released, it works the same way for the one who was holding on for dear life and it TOTALLY changes the dynamic of our relationship with our spouses when they want to leave and even when they have already left! So NOT releasing our spouses when they want to leave actually has the very opposite effect of what we so desperately want and desire, which explains why God tells us so specifically that we have to let them go. After all, He’s the one who wired us, so He obviously knows what He’s talking about! So God has a very practical reason for telling us to let our spouses go, and when we understand that, it’s not really a mystery how doing that enables us and them to live in peace.

However there’s an even more important principle at work when God asks us to let our spouses go and live in peace, and that’s the power released when we put our trust and confidence in Him and His Word; which is the true test of our faith. Hebrews 11:6 makes no bones about how important faith is to God, because it says And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. That says that we MUST believe that He WILL reward us when we earnestly seek Him. In other words, that is NOT a matter of choice. And it’s not unreasonable to expect God to test our faith, because James 2:26 says As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead. And nothing makes it any clearer just how important faith is to God than the warning found in Hebrews 10:38, because it says But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.” So no matter how much we don’t like hearing it, holding onto our spouses when they want to leave, contrary to the very specific and unquestionable written Word of God, can most definitely hinder and prevent the restoration of our marriages, because it IS shrinking back from living by faith, and does not please God. And even though we think letting go is the test of our faith, I’m not sure that’s the case. I think the real test of our faith is whether or not we can let our spouses go and then LIVE IN PEACE. If we let them go and continue to fret and worry, there’s no faith in that. And in Psalm 37:7, God very specifically tells us not to fret when our spouses succeed in leaving us, because it says Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. And we know God expects us to experience peace when we put our faith and trust in Him, because Isaiah 26:3 says You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. And that just brings us right back to Proverbs 3:5-6 and Psalm 37:5-6, which tell us how important it is to trust God as we stand for the restoration of our marriages.

So then the natural question is HOW to do that, and the answer can be found in Philippians 4:4-9 and 2 Corinthians 10:4-6, which says The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete. And taking every thought captive and making it obedient to Christ, means making it obedient to the Word of God, and the ONLY way to do that is to start memorizing applicable verses of scripture, and a good place to start is with the Restoration Bible Verses provided on our site. We need to understand that studying, understanding and relying on God’s Word are among the most important things to do as we stand for the restoration of our marriages, because Psalm 119:105 tells us Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. And then Matthew 4:4 says Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’ “ Since there’s NOTHING more encouraging than reading the Bible and having the Holy spirit speak to us straight from God’s Word, once we start making that a habit, we WILL be blessed and encouraged beyond belief, especially when we understand and put our hope and confidence in Isaiah 55:10-11, which says As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. So it’s my most sincere hope and prayer that everyone will get very serious about reading, studying and memorizing Bible verses and be blessed and encouraged beyond belief!

Posted Friday, February 16th, 2007 at 4:16 pm in Seeds Of Faith.