Understanding Hardened Hearts
One of the FAM Fellowship members recently shared the following message about understanding the hardness of our spouses’ hearts on the private website, and since this is something that affects just about everyone standing for marriage restoration, I appreciate her permission to share it here. Unfortunately, that’s something Amy knows about all too well. She has three small children, who quite frequently cry for their daddy, and she lost her home and everything else when her husband left them. His destructive lifestyle ended up costing him his business as well, so now Amy and her kids live with her parents in very cramped quarters, because he’s unable to support himself, much less his family. Sadly, many men and women standing for marriage restoration have similar testimonies and have suffered the consequences of hardened hearts as well. So, as we read Amy’s message and Hardness of Heart: A Roadblock to Receiving from God, the article by Andrew Wommack that Amy quotes from, let’s make sure that our own hearts aren’t hardened, and continually pray for the Lord to give our spouses new hearts; hearts of flesh, as described in Ezekiel 36:26, which says I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And since stony, hardened hearts are at the root of most marital problems, we all should be greatly blessed and encouraged to know what to pray for more specifically, especially since we can trust the Lord to honor our prayers and turn our spouses’ hearts, as we see in Proverbs 21:1, which says The king’s heart is in the hand of the LORD, Like the rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes. Now here’s Amy’s message:
Last night I was watching Andrew Wommack and wrote down his website, which I checked out this morning. God had so much to share with me on the website that I knew it had to be shared here as well.
First, let’s talk about hardness of hearts. We all know that our spouses’ hearts have been hardened. But do we really understand? Let me share what Andrew Wommack had to say about that:
Jesus came walking to His disciples on the water, recorded in Mark 6:45-52. They were in a terrible storm. After nine hours they were still only halfway across the Sea of Galilee, normally a two-hour trip. They were in trouble and fighting for their lives. Yet here came Jesus walking on top of the very thing that was trying to kill them. He was totally in control.
In Mark 6:51 it says “They were sore amazed in themselves beyond measure, and wondered.” and in the next verse it follows with “For they considered not the miracle of the loaves: for their heart was hardened.”
Andrew continues with:
God made us so that we can harden our hearts and literally shut out unwanted influences. It was meant to be a positive thing, but because we haven’t understood this, what God meant for good has actually worked against us.
One of the best examples of hardheartedness is found in the book of Exodus where Pharaoh refused to let the children of Israel leave the land of Egypt as God had commanded. There are fifteen times in Exodus where the Scriptures mention Pharaoh’s heart being hardened. This is the only explanation as to why Pharaoh persisted in resisting God when it was so evident that he was no match for God’s power. A hardened heart dulls a person’s ability to perceive and understand. It is the equivalent of spiritual retardation.
In Mark 8:15, Jesus spoke to His disciples about the characteristics of a hard heart. He said in Mark 8:17-18,
“And when Jesus knew it, he saith unto them, Why reason ye, because ye have no bread? Perceive ye not yet, neither understand? Have ye your heart yet hardened? Having eyes, see ye not? And having ears, hear ye not? And do ye not remember?”
In these verses, Jesus gives us symptoms that are descriptive of a hard heart: (1) not being able to perceive, (2) not being able to understand, (3) not being able to see, (4) not being able to hear, and (5) not being able to remember. These are all speaking of inabilities in the spiritual realm.
A hard heart is characterized by an inability to perceive spiritual things. This describes a person who just doesn’t have an aptitude for spiritual things. Others seem to perceive things that a person with a hard heart can’t. A hard heart will also keep a person from understanding the few things they can perceive. They might see what the Lord is trying to show them, but they can’t get a hold of it in a way that they can apply it to their life.
When a person is hardhearted toward God, it’s like they are spiritually blind and deaf; they just can’t see spiritual truth or hear the Lord speak to them. And they can’t remember. That last one is a major indication of the condition of their heart.
Here are some of the major things I’ve learned that determine the sensitivity of your heart. First, whatever you consider, your heart becomes softened toward. Conversely, whatever you fail to consider, your heart becomes hardened to. That’s what Mark 6:52 reveals. Again, that verse says,
“For they considered not the miracle of the loaves: for their heart was hardened.”
The word consider means, “to study, ponder, deliberate, examine, or think upon.” The scriptural term that would relate to “consider” would be the word “meditate.” Or we could substitute the word “focus” for “consider.” So, the disciples’ hearts were hard, since they didn’t “consider” the miracle of Jesus feeding the five thousand.
It wasn’t sin that caused the disciples’ hearts to be hard; it was them focusing on things other than the miracle Jesus had just performed. They weren’t looking at pornographic magazines or fighting or lying; they were occupied with trying to save their lives in the midst of the storm. That wasn’t sin.
If you took me sailing, I would want you to have some carnal knowledge about sailing. If I ride with you in a car, I don’t want you to drive by faith; I want you to have your eyes open and your brain working. That’s not wrong.
But, if we get into a situation where our carnal knowledge and abilities won’t save our lives, I would like you to be able to go beyond the natural and draw on the ability of the supernatural. We can’t just be limited to the natural realm.
This is what was wrong with the disciples. They had just witnessed Jesus taking five small loaves of bread and two small fish and feeding an entire multitude of at least 15,000 people. What an awesome miracle. If they had kept their minds stayed on that miracle, they wouldn’t have been shocked or surprised to see Jesus walking on the water.
And notice that Mark 6:45 makes special mention of the fact that Jesus “constrained” His disciples to get into the boat and go to the other side. That means He had to compel them. They didn’t want to go, but Jesus made them do it. Therefore, they didn’t get into this situation because of some mistake on their part; they were under direct orders from the Master. That means Jesus was responsible for what happened to them.
If they had been thinking spiritually instead of naturally, they would have known that Jesus would take care of them. Instead of being surprised to see Jesus walking on the water, they would have expected it.
Likewise, if we were not so dominated by considering the natural, we would not be surprised by the supernatural. We should expect to see the miraculous power of God manifest in our lives all the time. But the truth is, our hearts have become hardened toward God and His supernatural power because of our failure to stay focused on spiritual things.
One of the benefits of understanding what causes hardheartedness is that you can reverse this process and use it to become hardened against the devil. That is absolutely true.
Yes, our spouses’ hearts have been hardened. They can’t see, hear, understand, or even remember! Oh wow, how many times have you gotten frustrated with your spouse’s words or actions? I know I have numerous times! But why? Because just like our spouses, there are areas in all of our lives where we need to get rid of that hardened heart. We are focusing on our circumstances at that instant and not remembering what mighty power our Lord has! WE are not remembering! We have to stop focusing on our circumstances and start focusing on God’s promises. Who cares what they say or do. Has one of your children ever done something that you know could have seriously hurt them, but they just did not know better? What did you do? I’m sure you rushed over to your child and taught him/her that doing that could really hurt. Maybe they did it again and the next time you might be a little more stern, but still understanding that this is a child who sometimes forgets or just doesn’t get it completely. Our spouses are doing things that are very harmful to themselves and their families. That’s ok; they may not get it; they may not know right now, but God isn’t going to stand by and let them continue to do this over and over. Have faith that every time, He is rushing to them; reminding them; and teaching them. Eventually they WILL get it; they WILL remember; and they WILL stop doing those things that are so damaging. They WILL learn! And just as it may take time for our children to remember and understand, it will also take time for God’s children to remember and understand.
It is still easy for us to fall into Satan’s traps; to give in to his whispers and lies at times. Our hearts still harden up here and there. Would you step out of that boat? I am betting that just maybe there might be a little fear there. The world tells us that stepping out would have us end up at the bottom of the ocean! I know it would run through my head. Even with Jesus standing right there! Right now our spouses are sitting in that boat, in the midst of that storm. They have on their life jackets; those floaties are on their arms; the goggles are on their eyes, and they aren’t moving. In their minds, they don’t understand; they don’t remember; they are stuck and they see no way out of this, even with Jesus standing right there. But eventually Jesus will calm the storm for them and they will see more clearly; some of them may even walk on water! But ALL of them will make it to the other side. Praise God!
Amy, thank you so very much for a wonderful piece. It is amazing how it helps to put things in perspective. When we are going through “stuff” with our spouses, there are so many times we fall into that condemnation mode, citing all the things they are doing wrong. We often miss the fact that this is also an indication of our hardened heart. Everyday, we are to pray not only for our spouses’ hearts to be made flesh, but that our own hearts be made flesh. Thanks again for stating it so very well and providing the Andrew Wommack resource.