One of the most confounding, yet transforming realizations anyone standing for marriage restoration is likely to come to is that no matter how much we thought we loved our spouses; in reality we probably didn’t even know what true love is! In fact, it was probably our failure to understand that and to know HOW to love, that led to the inevitable demise of our marriages. And to prove that, we don’t have to look any further than John 15:13 (NKJV), which says Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.

Oh yes, I have no doubt some are saying right about now “I’d give up my life for my wife.” Or “I’d give up my life for my husband.” But would we? Did we? Because if we really would sacrifice our lives for the lives of our spouses as we probably think we would, how is it that we were really so selfish and self centered in our day to day lives with them? For instance, thinking back on it now, just how many times did we insist on having our own way or on doing things the way we wanted them done? Just how many times did we stop to consider our spouses needs or feelings or what they would like or wouldn’t like? And how many times did we do something just because we knew it would please our spouse, even though it wasn’t something we particularly wanted to do or even liked to do? How many little things did we make a big deal out of that seem so totally UNIMPORTANT now? And how many things would we do very differently today, if only given the opportunity? If we were so unwilling to give up our own desires or needs concerning the little, insignificant issues of everyday life, what leads us to think we’d really lay down our physical lives for our spouses? And who’s to say the Bible literally means laying down our physical life only; because I don’t think it does. In the same way, none of us really believe Jesus meant picking up a literal cross every day when He said … “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. And for anyone who still has a difficult time accepting the fact that you haven’t loved your spouse well; just read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, because few of us would have the nerve to read these verses and then continue to believe that we have loved our spouses well by the only measure that really counts; God’s measure, which in part says Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

The good news is that when we humble ourselves enough to recognize how miserably we’ve failed to demonstrate love to our spouses; the Lord is able to change our hearts and we truly end up loving our spouses more than ever before! And that’s such an awesome testimony of the transforming power of our Lord and Savior, which will in the end be what draws our spouses back to us and ultimately to the Lord. But that won’t happen until we learn to see our husbands or wives through the eyes of God’s love, which means we have to stop being “sin inspectors”…because true love COVERS sin and does not magnify or disclose it; which we know based on the following verses:

1 Peter 4:8
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

Proverbs 10:12
Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.

Proverbs 17:9
He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.

And when we’re finally able to see our spouses through the sin covering eyes of God’s love, we have really taken one of the most important steps toward the restoration of our marriages, because that is absolutely necessary to create an atmosphere of grace. And grace is necessary for redemption, and redemption is necessary for restoration.

One of the FAM members shared a great article from Joyce Meyer on the private website today, Two Are Better than One, and it’s an excellent article about the destruction selfishness causes in marriage. And it coincides perfectly well with her TV broadcast messages from yesterday and today, which also deal with selfishness and point out many things we might not tend to think of as being selfish. So I strongly encourage everyone to read the above article and to watch the following messages from Joyce. And as often is the case, be prepared to take notes, because she’s got a lot of great stuff to say. And be blessed and encouraged…and learn to love God’s way!

Are You Full of God or Full of Yourself? – Part 1

Are You Full of God or Full of Yourself? – Part 2

Posted Thursday, September 13th, 2007 at 11:58 pm in Seeds Of Faith.