Note from Linda: As a mental health professional, I requested that Alex personally and privately respond to a post I pulled from the private website from one of our members who recently returned to the fellowship after a long absence, because of their obvious struggle with issues of doubt, discouragement and apparent symptoms of depression. I was so touched by Alex’s response that I asked her to use excerpts from it to write a post for puvlication here, because I know her experience as she struggled to stand for the restoration of her marriage is something many can relate to. And the wise counsel she provided for this member is something ALL of us can really benefit from as we stand for our marriages, especially those who still struggle to let go and surrender EVERYTHING to God. Thank you, Alex. You are such a blessing and FAMM is very fortunate to have you as a member of our family, and I have no doubt that the Lord uses your powerful testimony for His glory in ways beyond what we may ever know. Thank you for your faithfulness and obedience to the Lord’s call!

As per Linda’s request, I replied privately to a member of our fellowship who is struggling with issues of doubt and depression, with the hope of providing comfort and encouragement. And since Linda felt excerpts of my private communication with this particular stander would be helpful to others, she asked me to share them with everyone, so here goes:

I joke about it now, but the cold truth is that I stood for my marriage for six years ONLY because of my stubbornness. My stand could have been much shorter had I submitted sooner. During the first three years of my stand, I just kept telling God what to do and I was frustrated when He didn’t fix it. I still wanted to be in control, even though I didn’t have the best track record when it came to making good choices! So I really struggled to let my marriage go.

But God doesn’t work like Burger King. It’s not “our way, right away”…but I wanted it to be! So I had to learn to trust myself to God’s processes, rather than be results oriented. True change began to happen in my household and in my marriage only when I began to draw closer to God and submit to the changes He wanted to bring about it me. It’s a hard word, but it’s the truth. We are told to seek first the kingdom of God and then all else shall be added unto us. That was very difficult for me. My past had shaped me to want control; it had given me a sense that I was owed something for all my pain and it had also made me very afraid of experiencing pain again.

My husband was my idol; more important to me than God at that time. In the fourth year of my stand, the Lord spoke very clearly to me about Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice Isaac because of his faith and that’s when a light bulb went off in my spirit. I realized that God was asking me to surrender back to Him all the promises of restoration; all my dreams for our family. He needed to know that He meant more to me than those promises. So I made that decision to surrender it all back to Him, and from that time on, I began to experience God in relationship. My trust began to grow; my knowledge of God’s love became more important to me than His promises. He became first in my life. Psalm 73:21-26 tells the story When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

And yes, my husband had a heart of stone. There were times when he couldn’t even stand to be in the same room with me. I heard all of the usual “I don’t love you anymore.” etc. I went through the stages where he would begin to draw close and then back even farther away. But as you see by my recent post, God softens the hardest of hearts. Go back and read that post again and remember, I had committed adultery and even my husband was sure that he could never recover from that. But as Romans 9:16 says It does not therefore depend on man’s desire or effort but on God’s mercy. So our spouses’ behavior during this time has no power to defeat God’s ultimate plan of restoration. The best thing we can do for our spouses is to allow them to make their own choices and let God speak to them through the consequences. God promises to uphold them as it says in Romans 14:4 …To his own master a man stands or falls. And he will stand because the Lord is able to make him stand.

When I went to my pastor for counseling, I was told that I didn’t need a counselor; I needed a divorce lawyer…and that from a pastor! But, who was proved right in the end…God or man? So we have to be careful about who we seek counsel from. Even among Christians, there are many who wade into their faith only “ankle deep.” But anyone called by God to stand for marriage restoration and bring Him glory by such a powerful testimony, can only do so by plunging in completely. Just as Linda’s post says, God requires radical faith.

I found a lot of comfort in reading the story in Mark 5 about Jairus, the synagogue ruler. He came to Jesus seeking healing for his daughter who was deathly ill. On their way to Jairus’s home, they are intercepted and informed that Jairus’s daughter is dead. Jairus is then told not to bother Jesus anymore. But this was Jesus’ response as written in verse 36 Ignoring what they said, Jesus told Jairus, “Do not be afraid, just believe. Sometimes it is the simplest things that are the hardest to do. The only one we need to listen to about our restoration is God; we should ignore anyone who speaks contrary to the Word of God. And it’s important to surround ourselves with those people who can believe with us and support us in our stand. FAM is a wonderful place to do just that, and Romans 1:12 tells us to mutually encourage each other in our faith. I grew at a much faster rate when I got involved with FAM. I found truth, accountability, support, fellowship and encouragement; all of which I needed to dig in my heels and cross the finish line. Jesus performed miracles so that others would see and believe; the story of Lazarus is a wonderful example of that. In FAM, God has brought about restorations with the intention of strengthening the faith of others and bringing them comfort and hope for their own miracles. We then, in turn, go out into our jobs, our churches, wherever God plants us and share that good news with the world!

King David understood depression and anxiety and he cried out to God honestly about what He felt. I found honesty in my prayer time to be a release. So we have to share our hurt, our confusion, and our anger with God; He already knows it’s there. There is relief when we confess and then commit to doing things God’s way. And for immediate relief from sleeplessness and anxiety, we can read Psalms and ask God to make His Word alive for us; He will honor that prayer. And when we ask for discernment to better understand what we are reading, He will give that also. He delights in doing that. But these will be just words unless we activate our faith and actually believe them. Anxiety comes from fear, which comes from the fact that our faith is weak. And that indicates that we do not trust God to fulfill His promises. But this is what Romans 4:18-21 says about Abraham’s faith Abraham did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised.

Praying and reading the Bible is ineffectual if we don’t receive what we read as complete, life-changing truth. And we get into trouble when we look at our circumstances as truth. One of the biggest struggles I had during my stand was that I am a deep-feeling person, so I constantly referred to my feelings as a gauge for truth. But feelings are not facts; neither are circumstances, and we can’t rely on them! So if you pray for peace, don’t wait until you “feel” peace to start claiming and believing that you have received it. Making time every day for God’s word has been key for me. As it says in Mark 6:31 Jesus said “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and rest.” During my stand, I continued to pray for my husband and marriage, but in the last year and a half, God led me to put an emphasis on praying for personal change and to cement my relationship with Him. And that must come before restoration can come.

I love Psalm 20 May the Lord answer you when you are in distress; may the name of the God of Jacob protect you. May He send you help from the sanctuary and grant you support from Zion…May He give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God…Now I know that the Lord saves His anointed; He answers him from His holy heaven with the saving power of His right hand…we trust in the name of the Lord our God, we rise up and stand firm.

As I told this particular stander, I don’t just suggest these things for the sake of suggesting them. God has been faithful to me and everyone else I know who has had their marriage restored or who has overcome depression, because we all applied the same faith and made the same commitment to learn and trust God’s word. We made God first in our hearts and God is our ultimate guide. And it was only by seeking Him in His word that we found true peace and contentment. Sometimes people read personal testimonies and feel inadequate, as if they lack some quality of character that would enable them to overcome. But that isn’t true. Look at David, he was an adulterer; yet God loved him. Peter denied Jesus but God used him to build the church. God is in the before and after makeover business, but He does His work from the inside out. Before God got a hold of me, I was jealous, angry, insecure, selfish, and bitter. I was a people pleaser; needing others for validation. I used to hate myself so much that I couldn’t look in the mirror without wanting to throw something at the image. But my “after shot” is much different! I have a peace and joy; I smile at myself in the mirror; I no longer need to prove myself to others. Only God can do such a deep work in us. So if you feel that you don’t have what it takes, don’t worry, He will equip you! Joyce Meyer likes to say that she was just a big-mouthed housewife before God got hold of her, and look at her ministry now! Below are some scriptures that really helped me during my stand; there are countless more, but there isn’t enough space! Hugs, Alex

Ezekiel 34:25-31 I will make a covenant of peace with them, I will bless them…there will be showers of blessing…the people will be secure in their land…they will know that I am the Lord when I break the bars of their yoke and rescue them from the hands of those who have enslaved them…they will live in safety and no one will make them afraid.

Isaiah 26:3 You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You.

Romans 8:15 For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear.

Romans 4:17 We serve the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as if they are.

Romans 8:25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

Jeremiah 33:11& 14 There will be heard once more the sounds of joy and gladness, the voice of bride and bridegroom…”the days are coming”, declares the Lord “when I will fulfill the gracious promise I made.

Psalm 33 and 34 are great for learning how to trust the Lord in times of trouble

Zephaniah 3:9-20 O Daughter, shout aloud, be glad and rejoice with all your heart, the Lord has taken away your punishment, He has turned back your enemy. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. “The sorrows” says the Lord, “I will remove from you; they are a burden and a reproach to you. I will rescue those that have been scattered. At that time I will gather you; at that time I will bring you home.

Joshua 21:45 Not one of all the Lord’s good promises to the house of Israel failed; every one was fulfilled.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 He has made everything beautiful in its time.

Posted Thursday, October 4th, 2007 at 11:50 pm in Seeds Of Faith.