One of the most consistently difficult challenges when standing for marriage restoration is understanding and putting into practice the instructions in 1 Corinthians 7:15, which says But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

There’s no point in addressing how the above verse is distorted by most of today’s Christian leaders who use it to condone divorce and remarriage, because that’s not the point of today’s message; and most people reading this have already gotten beyond the deception of such teaching, which is discussed in great detail elsewhere on the site. But we do need to understand what it means, and why the Lord asks us to do it in the first place. So I was really excited when the Lord gave me new insight about that last year.

I’ve recently had a lot of conversation with FAM Fellowship members, especially some of our newest members, about the difficulties of letting go, and how important it is to totally and completely trust God. And since many of the visitors to the public site struggle with the same questions, I hope this will help explain it in more detail.

When one of our FAM members who now has an incredible restoration testimony was going through the process of a divorce last year, she set a great example for all of us. Instead of fighting the divorce and hiring an attorney (as her husband had) to help work out their settlement agreement, she simply asked to meet with her husband privately to discuss the division of their property, because she said she would rather they work that out between themselves instead of going through the lawyers. I was so glad to hear she had done that, because I had a very protracted and messy divorce, which did absolutely NOTHING to glorify Jesus Christ, and only served to make marriage restoration more unlikely in the earthly realm. In addition to 1 Corinthians 7:15 saying we are called to live in peace, there are so many verses in the Bible that tell us to seek peace, pursue peace and be peace makers. So maintaining and seeking peace in our relationships with our spouses, even when they want to leave us and do a lot to hurt and disappoint us, is obviously very important to God. But any time we find ourselves in the midst of the legal system and in court, by their very adversarial nature, they do little to promote peace. In fact, they almost ALWAYS make bad situations a LOT worse. So I always suggest doing everything possible to avoid relying on the courts and very flawed legal system to help in matters of divorce, and even child support. And there are a ton of scriptures indicating that doing so directly opposes the will and ways of God; like casting all of our anxieties on God because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7), leaning not to our own understanding and trusting God with ALL of our hearts and acknowledging Him in ALL of our ways so He will direct our paths(Proverbs 3:5-6), not causing God to oppose us because of our pride and humbling ourselves under the mighty hand of God because HE WILL lift us up in DUE time (1 Peter 5:5-6), seeking first the kingdom of God and his righteousness because we know He will give us everything else we need (Matthew 6:32-33), and letting our gentleness be apparent because the Lord is near, and taking all of our request to GOD in prayer with thanksgiving, without being anxious about ANYTHING (Philippians 4:5-6). And how interesting it is that after that last passage, Philippians 4:7 says And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. So that, along with the other verses, is a pretty good indication of HOW we let our spouses go and manage to live in peace as we’re called to do in 1 Corinthians 7:15! And the praise report from the above mentioned woman the morning after she first met with her husband certainly proved ALL of the above verses! She was surprised by the peace she had during their meeting and since she was not so overwrought, she was able to see how terribly unhappy he was, and have genuine compassion for him. And her faith and confidence in the Lord to meet her needs and restore their marriage was greatly increased! But it’s important to note that everything she did was in complete agreement with the above verses and many others, and our God and Father is ALWAYS faithful to reward and bless our faith and obedience when we do that!

It’s not uncommon to have lengthy conversations with men and women who understand in their heads that they need to let go, but they just don’t seem to be able to DO it. So I am always trying to better understand and explain the difference between those who struggle so much and those who find the grace and strength I’ve witnessed as they face similar circumstances with such a calm and confident attitude.

And the new insight about why letting go is so important came when I was really trying to better understand WHY it’s so important to God. I mean I understood that it’s important, because He made us and He knows how we’re wired. And for some reason, releasing our spouses is important in that respect, because as long as we’re holding onto them they will just try harder to get farther and farther away from us. But it kept going around and around in my head that there had to be more, and I couldn’t believe it when the Lord reminded me of something He had shown me earlier about WHY Jesus wept when Lazarus died. And that gave me the answer; it’s ALL about FAITH, and demonstrating in meaningful and measurable ways that we trust God to fulfill His Word in every respect. We have to show God that we believe, expect and rely on HIM to do exactly what His Word tells us He will do, and that we know that His Word will NEVER return void, that it will ALWAYS accomplish what He desires and sent it to accomplish (Isaiah 55:10-11).

He made that point to me one Sunday morning as I was getting ready for church; I heard a preacher on TV teaching out of John 11 about the death of Lazarus and how Jesus cried when he died. Even though I’ve heard that same message over and over again so many times in my life, I never had the reaction I had that morning! He said Jesus cried because he loved Lazarus so much that He was grieved by his death. And I yelled at the TV “That’s not true! He wouldn’t cry because he was dead, because He knew He was going to raise him up for the glory of God and Himself, so that can’t possibly be why he cried!” I was so surprised, but I knew without a doubt that was true, so I started thinking about why He WAS crying, and the insight that flooded my mind was almost overwhelming, because there was so much that it really did come like a flood. The main thing I remembered at that time was that Jesus even told the disciples that Lazarus was asleep, which they thought He meant literally, but Jesus explained that He was in fact dead and that He was going to raise him up. And when He had been told that Lazarus was sick in the first place, He even said that it was for the glory of God. I didn’t have time to read about it then, but I asked my pastor about it later that day, and he thought I was wrong, that Jesus cried because He loved Lazarus and it showed His human emotion! Well, I love and respect my pastor, but I knew in my spirit that was not true and couldn’t wait to read it again to see for myself. He even said something about Jesus was a man at that time and didn’t have all the knowledge of God, and I knew he was straying way off from my thinking on that one! Now with that in mind, read John 11, VERY carefully and thoughtfully. I have no doubt I could write a book about this passage and everything the Lord revealed to me about it, but I hope and pray that as you read it, you’ll see all of the amazing significance it has for us as we stand for the restoration of our marriages. But the main point I want to make here is that Jesus was not crying because Lazarus was dead. I believe He was crying because Mary, who had earlier demonstrated such great love for Him, had lost faith and confidence in Him. That’s why seeing her tears and despair grieved Him so much and moved Him to cry Himself. Why didn’t Mary come with Martha in the first place when she knew Jesus was there? Why did Jesus specifically send for her? Why did He wait for her before going to the place where Lazarus was buried? And why did John think it was necessary to remind us that Mary had poured out the perfume on Jesus’ feet and dried them with her hair? Those are just some of the reasons I believe Mary’s lack of faith is what caused Jesus’ troubled spirit and tears. And we know Jesus was troubled by people’s lack of faith, based on what He said about not being able to perform miracles in his own home town. And I don’t believe His grief is just because we don’t believe in Him; it’s because He knows what our lack of faith will cost us, because it is the one thing that can and will keep us from receiving all of the best He died to give us. And we can see how important that is, because ALL through this passage, Jesus repeatedly ask everyone if they believed in Him.

Then when we read the rest of the chapter and realize that it was that very act, that very miraculous, public and sacrificial act, that eventually led to His death; it’s reasonable to believe that added yet another dimension to His pain and grief. And yet, we do the same thing to the Lord all the time, because all He wanted then and all He wants now is for us to believe in Him and to believe that NOTHING is impossible with Him, that He has the power to bring that which is dead and buried back to life…and that He WILL do it all for the glory of God and Himself. And the very last verse in the passage about Lazarus proves how and why that happens, because John 11:45 says Therefore many of the Jews who had come to visit Mary, and had seen what Jesus did, put their faith in him. And when the people around us, all of the nay sayers, see the Lord restore our hopeless, dead marriages, they will put their faith in Jesus too! And the word of our restored testimonies will be used to keep Satan from destroying many more marriages and families and Jesus will certainly be glorified!

And one other interesting observation I made is that it’s not very likely the Jews came just to see Mary, and not Martha. Personally, I think that’s just God’s way of making it easier to better understand the true significance of this passage, because it’s a lot less about God’s power to perform miracles than it is about how absolutely essential it is for us to BELIEVE THAT HE CAN AND WILL PERFORM THEM!!! And when we don’t believe that, we literally grieve our Lord and Savior, because we are in effect saying that we don’t accept and appreciate the precious price He paid to earn our faith and trust. And if we’re unable to let our spouses go when they want to leave in obedience to God’s Word, with confidence in His promises, we are in effect calling Him a liar. So God asks us to let our spouses go, and to continue to live in peace with them and ourselves, simply as an act of sacrificial, faith filled trust. And when we take that step of faith in obedience to His Word, HE WILL BE FAITHFUL TO DO ALL THAT HIS WORD PROMISES SO JESUS WILL BE GLORIFIED AND THE DEVIL WILL BE DEFEATED! And when we don’t have the faith needed to do that, God will be faithful to give it to us when we ask for it, and when we get SERIOUS about reading and studying HIS word (and that’s not reading what someone else writes ABOUT it; it’s reading the Bible for ourselves), which we know because Romans 10:17 (NKJV) says So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. So I pray for all of us to have the faith and confidence we need in Jesus to LET GO, so we will have peace that surpasses understanding and be supernaturally blessed and encouraged!

Posted Friday, February 1st, 2008 at 3:32 pm in Seeds Of Faith.