With each new marriage restoration we’re blessed to witness, comes even greater understanding of God’s ways and His unfailing faithfulness to fulfill and uphold His Word. And one thing God has demonstrated over and over again is that we will either remain victims of our circumstances or be victorious in Christ; but we can NOT be both!

While wallowing in self pity and reveling in our role as victims hinders marriage restoration for many reasons; one of the most serious is that we have obviously not forgiven those we feel have victimized us, and are thus not demonstrating the same grace and mercy God has so richly and lavishly bestowed upon us, which greatly displeases and even angers Him, as revealed in The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant )Matthew 18:21-34). And it’s definitely not heeding the warnings and instructions Jesus gave us in Luke 6:27-49 about loving and blessing those who mistreat us, treating others as we wish to be treated, dealing with our own sin before worrying about that of others, the kind of fruit we bear, and whether or not we’re building our homes on a solid foundation or sinking sand according to how well we DO what His Word teaches us to do.

And how unfortunate it is that the real significance of Luke 6:38 is often overlooked or misstated; because it is often referred to in terms of money (usually tithes and offerings), and yet that is not at all the context in which it was written. Luke 6:36-38 actually says Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” And then the verses after that deal with removing the plank in our own eyes before trying to remove a speck in someone else’s eye. So “For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” is ACTUALLY referring to getting back what we give to others in terms of mercy, judgment, condemnation and forgiveness, and being treated and receiving according to how we treat and what we give to others.

When Jesus told us that we would have to pick up our cross daily to follow Him (Luke 9:23), He literally meant that we would have to crucify our flesh every day of our lives to experience the victorious and abundant life He came to give us. And that’s certainly what giving up our rightful identities as victims requires. It’s not denying or condoning the wrong and harm done to us, but it is making a CHOICE to be merciful, to forgive and to love as God commands us to love. And that means covering over ALL wrongs (Proverbs 10:12), covering over a multitude of sin (1 Peter 4:8), covering over an offense (Proverbs 17:9), and everything else the Lord teaches us about love in 1 Corinthians 13.

When we follow the instructions and heed the warnings of the above passages of scripture and seek a closer walk and relationship with Jesus Christ as we humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God, we can be absolutely assured that God will bless us and give us supernatural favor as HE lifts us up and as HE works to restore our marriages and families. As Proverbs 3:5-6 says, Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. And then Psalm 37:4-6 promises Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. And we see that happen over and over again in the ministry, but one of the most powerful and awe inspiring testimonies we’ve all witness was recently summarized on the private website. And since MNO (member name omitted) certainly had way more than enough reason to feel victimized by her circumstances, and she refused to be anything less than victorious in Jesus Christ, I asked for and received permission to share her post here. So it is my sincerest hope and prayer that reading how the Lord has blessed MNO for her faithful obedience to DO what His Word teaches, will be a blessing and encourage everyone standing for marriage restoration to glorify the Lord by CHOOSING to be victorious in Christ instead of remaining a victim of circumstance. And when you do, you will certainly be blessed and encouraged! Now here’s MNO’s slightly edited post!

Have Faith even when Things Look Impossible

I’m writing this in response to Linda’s response to my post last night. When I read all of that, it reminds me so much that it was ONLY by God’s grace that I made it through those times. As she mentioned, when I came to FAMM just one year ago, I was in such a pit. My husband had just left a few months earlier, and when he left, I was left with the apartment AND all of the bills that came with it. But I had no source of income, no driver’s license, and I barely had a way to the grocery store each week to get food for my family. As a matter of fact, I relied on my mother to take me where I needed to go, but her car was uninspected and according to her mechanic, on the verge of total break down. But she faithfully took me to the grocery store about once a week, and was able to take me to Wal-Mart about once a month to get diapers. And it was always a bumpy ride, because the car shook like crazy whenever we went below 35 MPH! And when we passed a police car, she just prayed that he wouldn’t see her inspection sticker.

I was able to make a few dollars writing articles on the internet; about three to six dollars per article. At times, I was writing for four hours a day, and it was that money that allowed me to buy diapers and wipes for my two children. My oldest was potty trained, but still often needed a diaper. I remember telling him one day that he would just have to wait until I could get to the store because I didn’t have an extra diaper for him; I needed the few I had left for my youngest son, who was only one year old. Things just looked so scary at that time in my life.

I was pregnant, but I really wanted to work so I could keep my apartment, which I had already been told I was about to lose if a rent payment didn’t come in. But there were so many barriers because I didn’t have a drivers license, and there was no one to watch the children. In all of that, I kept hearing God tell me to be still and make my house my home. I didn’t understand it all, but I did what the Lord told me to do; I was still.

I remember my grandmother, and countless others telling me that I was going to end up on the streets, and they were all shocked that I had peace. I didn’t know if I would really end up on the streets, but I knew I was in God’s hands, and I KNEW that He told me to be still and make my house my home. So I KNEW that’s what I had to do.

By the time I came to FAMM, I had just taken my son’s piggy bank to the grocery store to cash it in at the Coin Star machine. I was entirely out of money; I had nothing left. By that time, my rent was close to two months behind, and I had run out of everything from trash bags to Q-Tips! And I had already gone to the court house and got an order for child support, but when we rely on the court system, we will find it fails us. Just because I had a paper stating I should receive a little over four hundred dollars a month certainly didn’t guarantee it, and it actually wasn’t until about 6 months after the court order that I finally got my first payment!

When I came to this ministry, and Linda asked about my finances, I finally told her everything. I was so strong on the outside, but with everything going on, I had to tell someone what I was going through who wouldn’t pile all of the blame on my husband. I was learning how to love SNO (spouse name omitted) unconditionally, and exposing all of the things that were going on inside of my home would have just made so many people even angrier with him. But Linda wanted to keep the focus on ME; she wanted to give me hope and help in those trying times, and she wanted to make sure that I developed skills that would ultimately lead to a more stable future for me and my kids.

She shared my circumstances with the men and women in the ministry and amazingly, there were so many who were willing to contribute financially to help me. One member sent me a huge package of toys that her children had grown out of; other members sent in money to pay for various things that came up, and other members contributed a steady amount of money for my incidentals. Members got together and month by month, were able to get my rent current! As I said, Linda wanted me to focus on me, and what I could do, so she asked me to seriously make efforts to get my drivers license and work on getting my GED, along with contacting countless agencies looking for some kind of housing assistance.

Some may think that I jumped up and shouted, “Sure, no problem!” But it wasn’t that easy. My mind was still thinking in the flesh. I thought Linda didn’t understand that I couldn’t drive; I didn’t know how, and I didn’t have ANYONE who was willing to teach me. Remember, my mother had an uninspected car, and that was pretty much all I had. My grandmother never let anyone drive her car, unless she trusted their driving, and she lived about an hour away! But Linda and other’s in the fellowship encouraged me to look outside of the box; maybe someone from church could help. Amazingly the was a man who offered to teach me how to drive for free, but he never followed through. And I really didn’t even see how having a license would help me; I didn’t have any money. So how could I ever afford a car; much less the gas and insurance or repairs and maintenance?

I felt like I was running into walls everywhere. ALL of the agencies I contacted literally said “You don’t qualify!” In order to receive assistance, I needed to work a certain amount of hours…or have a drivers license…or go to school at least part time. What ever the criteria; I wasn’t qualified!

And doors kept closing on almost everything I tried to do. I wanted to study for my GED, but the only class in my area was beyond walking distance, and did not offer childcare. I really felt like telling Linda, “I tried…I failed…I can’t!” But if you know her like I do, you know she has a way of pointing out when we are doing things on our own, instead of leaning on God.

Throughout all of that, I was still able to have the peace that the Lord had given me, and I just kept praying; almost hours a day. I started to develop and really learned how to walk WITH God. Those moments when my flesh said, “Give up.”, my spirit said “God has given you faith to move mountains, now move ’em!” Every day that passed had new challenges, but as my character became molded into a woman of faith, I began to see pieces of the mountain chipping away.

And those were just the struggles for my own survival. I had many more with SNO. Usually every week something would lead me to tears; he was so cold and indifferent toward me and our children, even as I tried to change myself. It was hard, because my first response was still very much in the flesh, and I had to put out so many small fires daily that my patience was wearing thin. But God’s grace is sufficient for me! Thank you, Lord!

There was not one day that was easy; yet as time passed, I dealt with the next day better than the last. I refused to give up, and consistently dusted myself off when I fell, and never lost sight of God’s promises for my life, my marriage and for His provision. I got my learner’s permit and literally scheduled the test before I had even sat in a car! I was ultimately able, with the financial help of FAMM, to get a driving instructor, and use my grandmother’s car to take and pass my drivers test and get a 1996 Honda Accord in my name, and on my insurance! And it doesn’t stop there; God covered my housing too! Just as the ministry practically ran out of funds to continue paying for my apartment and incidentals, I received a phone call from a local agency asking if I still wanted to apply for their housing program. And even more amazing, the only two openings they had were filled by me and my mother! She is in apartment B, and I am in apartment C!!

And one week before I signed the lease, I filled out a section 8 application for the list, which had just opened in my county, and was put on the list immediately. Today, just a few months later, I have a letter asking me to pick up my vouchers on July 30th!

Through my own research, I tracked down a government program that allowed me to study from home for my GED for free! But I soon found out that I was more educated than I realized. I decided to take the pre-test and scored way above average, and will be taking the exam in about 1 month!

And a few weeks after I moved in here, I was able to claim the restoration of my marriage! My husband’s heart was completely transformed, and he realized that he wants to be home. He no longer sees himself with the NCP (non-covenant person), but rather with me, his wife. And because God has given me such strong faith, I am able to relax while he still lives there, because I know his heart is home. There is a saying; “Home is where the heart is.” And with that said, SNO is home in his heart!

I should also mention that my current landlords stipulated that SNO can not live here. As a matter of fact, they were considering not even allowing him on the premises, but praise the Lord, that was not included or mentioned when I signed the lease. My section 8 housing will be much more flexible, and he will be welcomed on the property without question! So as you can see, god is paving the way for SNO to come home, by moving me out of this apartment, even though I just moved in a few months ago!

For those who have helped, I have to say it again, “THANK YOU!” Just writing this has rekindled all of those feelings of the absolute awe I had when I saw God touching your hearts to help me as you did. I have said it so many times; God could have put a pile of money on my table with just a word. He really could, but He chooses to use us as his instruments. So whether giving, ministering, encouraging or just being a listening ear, He uses us! It’s the same with our marriages; He could have changed our marriages with a snap of His finger! He could bring our spouses home the second they leave, but He uses our circumstances and other people, and in His perfect timing, it all comes together, and we are rescued! So have faith even when things look impossible!

Posted Tuesday, July 8th, 2008 at 11:53 pm in Seeds Of Faith.