Right at What Cost?
Note from Linda: The following was posted on the private website in response to yesterday’s Seeds Of Faith Post, and since it’s another important message for everyone standing for marriage resttoration, I appreciate the FAM member’s permission to share her testimony here. The truth is that we often sacrifice our happiness for the sake of being proven right; never realizing just how high a price we will pay. So I hope and pray that everyone will read and understand the importance of this testimony and be blessed and encouraged.
I just read Lisa’s post, and I can really relate to having to be right all of the time. Linda has asked me to share a part of my testimony with you all, so here it is.
Several years ago, my husband and I had family, including my parents, and friends over for July 4th. SNO (spouse name omitted) and I lived away from our family for the first eight years of our marriage, so it was nice to have them over for a holiday. My father and I have a very strained relationship due to things that happened while I was growing up, and I had shared a lot of the details with my husband. Both SNO and my father have very strong opinions, so at times they clashed as well. Anyway, they had an argument outside while my parents were leaving that was very ugly. I wasn’t out there to witness it, but my mom called me and told me about it after they got home. Rather than taking my husband’s side, I immediately got angry with him for treating my father the way he did. He even said to me that I knew how my father was, and that I was not married to my dad but to him and that I expected more from him than from my dad. But we did not agree on an amicable resolution to the problem, which I deemed as being huge. At that time, my kids were the only small grandkids my parents had, and they loved them dearly, and I didn’t want them to stop visiting us because of a rift between my husband and my dad.
Anyway, I decided to go to a counselor at our church to discuss this problem. But I must admit that my sole intent for going was for the counselor to tell SNO how wrong he was for disrespecting my dad. And I didn’t tell him that I was going to a counselor. I explained the problem to her, and she asked me if I would divorce him if he didn’t apologize to my dad. I was taken aback, because the thought never crossed my mind. I told her that I hadn’t thought about it and left it at that. Well, she had a separate session with him and she must have told him that I SAID that I would divorce him if he didn’t apologize to him. But when we had one joint session, that comment never came up. He reluctantly decided to apologize to my dad, for the sake of our marriage, but it really took a toll on him because I didn’t respect, honor, or revere him as the bible said I should. He mentioned to me several months later that she told him that, and I denied ever saying it, but to this day he doesn’t believe me.
Linda particularly asked me to share this for those of you who are considering seeking out “Christian” counselors. If I had known what the bible teaches about a wife’s role, I never would have gone to her. And I should have gracefully exited her office after she made that comment. Linda also wanted me to share this and how I let my “pride” get in the way of praying for my husband and our situation. I was very angry with him, and wanted him to know it. I wanted to be “right” and for someone to tell him he was wrong. It happened, he apologized, and now I’m divorced. I wanted to be right, rather than happy, as Linda says.
I did not follow any of the scriptures on what a wife should be or do. But we all know that what the enemy meant for evil, God can turn around for good. So I hope that this post will help someone realize the dangers of “pride” and “being right.” Our husbands are the heads of our house, and the bible says that we should respect and honor them, and win them over without a word. Let us all learn to practice God’s ways, and we will get God’s results.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience, MNO, because I know the Lord WILL use it to help guide others and keep many from making the same mistakes or to recognize the danger of pride and how it can and will destroy our marriages and prevent restoration.
When I read “It happened, he apologized, and now I’m divorced.”, it really struck a cord in my heart. What a shocking and profound statement; yet so true. There’s no doubt that this word of your testimony will be used to hurl the devil down and stop him dead in his wicked tracks, so I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that you shared it, and so humbly and frankly. God will truly bless and reward you mightily, MNO; and you CAN count on that!
But I do want to share with everyone something the Lord has put on my heart so strongly lately, which MNO’s experience confirms and makes so painfully clear. WE are the ones who open the door to the devil in our lives and in our marriages. We all keep looking at everything our spouses did, but NO matter what they did or do, WE were and are the ones who did not and do not respond and react as instructed in the Word and that failure on OUR part opened and opens the door and GAVE and gives SATAN THE RIGHT AND AUTHORITY to waltz right in and kill, steal and destroy (John 10:10). So it is by NO MEANS just a coincidence that right after telling us in 1 Peter 5:5-6Psalm 81), 1 Peter 5:7-8 tells us to “cast” ALL of our anxieties on the Lord and warns us that the devil is just stalking around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour! If MNO had done what the Bible instructs when that happened between her husband and her father, she never would have been talking to that woman in the first place and the seed of divorce would have never been sown into her marriage. And even once sown, her continued failure to DO as instructed in the Word just nurtured that seed until it matured and divorce was manifested.
But that is NOT the end of the testimony God is creating; nor the legacy He has for MNO. She has learned from her mistakes and she has turned from her sinful ways and now she can rely on God’s promises in Isaiah 55 and be confident that He will give her so much better than what she has sown! And He will do that for the everlasting glory of His Son, Jesus Christ! So let’s all take the very powerful message of this testimony and use it to totally and completely destroy the devil’s power in our lives; let’s shut the door on him and USE the power in us, which IS GREATER THAN HIS POWER!!! We have to understand that the devil has NO place or power in our lives other than what we give him. Jesus came to destroy Satan’s power and to give us victory over him and we remain in bondage to him only as a result of our own lack of faith and/or obedience.
Thank you, MNO, you have sown seeds of healing and restoration into the lives of many others and you will most certainly get that back many times over; we DO get what we give, and MORE of it; be it for good or for bad.
Lord, we thank You for Your assurance in Revelation 12:10-11 that the word of our testimony is used to overcome the wicked works of the devil and that he is hurled down when we open our mouths for Your glory. And we thank You that the word of this testimony will be for the glory of Jesus Christ and that the devil will be stopped dead in his tracks in the lives of many others as the result of MNO’s ovedience and willingness to share the testimony You have been creating and continue to create in her marriage and family. Lord, we know that her husband is wounded and hurt, and still very resentful, bitter and angry, but we also know that MNO’s humility and faithful obedience has released Your supernatural power to touch and heal his heart and to remove the wall of self defense and protection that has made it so hard and that true to your Word, You will replace it with a heart of flesh.. And, Lord, we thank You that we WILL see Your Word and faithfulness manifest to the glory of Jesus Christ in this marriage and family and that it will be fully and completely healed and restored in the name and authority of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! Amen.
Thank you so much for this posting. When I read the part about “It happened, he apologized, and now I’m divorced.” I was floored. I am guilty of trying to get others to see how “right” I am and how “wrong” my husband is. Right now, my husband is at a point where he really doesn’t want anything to do with me. He hasn’t spoken to me or slept in the same bed in about a week. However, last night he came in to our room to talk. At first, I kept my distance and just listen to him talk, and the whole time, I thought about this post and the scripture “win a husband by your actions not by words.” We talked for about an hour and at one point, I did reach over and touch his leg and told him I loved him and would support what ever decisions he made. A few minutes after that, he asked why I haven’t and don’t just go ahead and take him to court. And the only thing I could say was because “I love you and I made a commitment to you and God.” It was quiet for a while after that, and he got teary eyed. We talked a little longer, and then he got up and went to the other room to sleep. After a few minutes, I went in and kiss him on the cheek, told him I loved him and went back to our bed. I believe with all of my heart that God placed this post just in time; so that I would not continue to try to be “right.”
Also, in my quiet time this morning, I read in Proverbs 25:2, “it is the glory of God to conceal a matter: to search out a matter is the glory of kings.” It is not my place to prove him wrong and uncover his short comings.
Again, thank you for sharing. I recieve encouragement daily from the testimony of others.