Since the Biblical role of husbands as “head” of their wives and households is often misunderstood and not well taught in many churches, resulting in exactly what is happening in so many marriages today; it is important to learn what the Bible actually teaches about a husband’s “role” and HOW to be the husbands men are called by God to be. And since these are issues that men standing for marriage restoration often struggle with, it’s important to delve into what the Word teaches in depth, because if we all keep our focus on what God wants to teach US and what He wants to do in OUR hearts and lives, He will take care of everything else. That’s what true humility is as we stand for the restoration of our marriages, because we must be willing to LEARN AND DO what the Word teaches if we want and expect to get God’s results.

By reading and thoughtfully considering 1 Peter 3:7-18, it’s clear that God expects husbands to recognize their wives as weaker vessels and to live with them in consideration of that; yet to treat them as EQUAL PARTNERS and JOINT HEIRS in terms of our relationship and inheritance in Christ. And we’re ALL called to PURSUE peace instead of taking offense or retaliating when mistreated by our spouses; when we submit to God, HE makes all of the wrongs right.

Since Ephesians 5:20-21 (AMP) says At all times and for everything giving thanks in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God the Father. Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One)., the Bible can’t truly mean that men are to control and rule over their wives without GENUINE CONSIDERATION AND TRUE UNDERSTANDING of them and their needs; just as Christ always does for us. So every time we read what the Lord has done and does for us, that’s what the Bible instructs husbands to do for their wives. And when men learn to be to their wives what Jesus is to all of us, AND TO LOVE AS JESUS LOVES, they WILL have the wives and marriages of their hearts’ desire! And studying Ephesians 5:23-32 (AMP) really illustrates how God intended for that to work and why it’s so important as follows:
23 For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church, Himself the Savior of [His] body.
So contrary to what most men seem to think (and what many churches teach), husbands are the heads of their wives IN A SACRIFICIAL ROLE and NOT as rulers or “lords” because Jesus became our SAVIOR when HE died for the remission of our sins on the cross. And when we read the account of how sin entered into the world, it’s very important and enlightening to understand that even though Eve was the one who was deceived and sinned, the sin was attributed to Adam (Genesis 3, 1 Timothy 2:13-14, Romans 5:11-13). So in the same way that our sin was accounted to Christ, who bore the penalty and shed HIS blood for it on the cross (even though HE was sinless); it appears that husbands are in fact held accountable for their wives’ sin. That should certainly give husbands a totally different perspective of God’s point of view concerning the sin of their wives, and certainly illustrates the need for demonstrating even more grace, mercy, forgiveness and much less judgment and condemnation; all of which God’s Word repeatedly declares will be given to us in the same way we give to others.

24 As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands.
How unfortunate it is that this is usually interpreted to mean that men are to rule over their wives and exercise control over them; yet that is not the relationship any of us have with Jesus Christ. We submit to Christ because of His amazing love, grace and mercy, which He so generously and consistently pours out on us. And even as Jesus Himself states repeatedly throughout the books of John; we gladly and willingly obey Him BECAUSE we love Him; and NOT because He enforces His will and way upon us. And He doesn’t get angry when we do disobey Him and don’t trust or believe in Him; instead He is grieved and weeps because He knows the consequences brought into our lives when we don’t obey God! What a difference it would make in so many marriages and relationships if husbands reacted with genuine compassion and sorrow instead of anger, self-righteousness and condemnation when their wives fall short of the glory of God. And it certainly is easier for women to submit to their husbands in obedience to God when they feel loved!

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 So that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, 27 That He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such things [that she might be holy and faultless].
WOW! That’s powerful! Again, we see the husband’s role as one of great sacrifice, because he gives HIMSELF up for his wife; just as Christ did for all of us. So, JUST AS we are through CHRIST, a wife is sanctified through her husband’s righteousness and she is then found “in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such things [that she might be holy and faultless].” Obviously, none of us are “without spot or wrinkle or any such things [that we might be holy and faultless].” Yet, because of the love of God and the sacrifice Jesus made for us, that IS HOW GOD SEES US! And as difficult as this might be to understand and comprehend, it is actually confirmed in 1 Corinthians 7:14 (AMP), which says For the unbelieving husband is set apart (separated, withdrawn from heathen contamination, and affiliated with the Christian people) by union with his consecrated (set-apart) wife, and the unbelieving wife is set apart and separated through union with her consecrated husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean (unblessed heathen, outside the Christian covenant), but as it is they are prepared for God [pure and clean]. As I contemplated what it means to “cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word”, I knew it couldn’t mean condemning, preaching and pointing out her sins; that would be so contrary to everything else the Bible teaches. But if a husband walks in the power and promise of the Word, demonstrating UNCONDITIONAL AND SACRIFICIAL Love, thereby humbling HIMSELF under the mighty hand of God, GOD WILL lift him up in due time (1 peter 5:5-6) and CLEANSE HIS WIFE; supernaturally doing whatever it takes to change her heart and life and bring her into right relationship with Him and with her husband. So husbands serious about “washing their wives with the Word” must stop focusing on every fault and shortcoming and start practicing what the Word teaches about HOW to LOVE AS CHRIST LOVES (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, Proverbs 10:12, Proverbs 17:9, 1 Peter 4:8)!

28 Even so husbands should love their wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. 29 For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, 30Because we are members (parts) of His body.
So in addition to learning to LOVE AS CHRIST LOVES, husbands are instructed to nourish and carefully protect and cherish their wives, as Christ does the church. But many wives feel far from nourished, carefully protected and cherished, and that’s because their husbands do not love them as their own bodies; much less as Christ loves THEM. When husbands are verbally, emotionally or physically abusive, critical, inattentive and self-righteous, their wives feel far from protected, nurtured and cherished and they withdraw and become distant, and easy prey for someone else who appears to cherish and appreciate them. These are very important instructions for Husbands, because when women truly feel safe and secure (and that PARTICULARLY includes emotionally secure), well cared for and cherished, they will happily submit to their husbands; just as we happily submit to the Lord!

31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
And this is a REAL important instruction as well, because husbands can not have divided loyalties between their wives and their other family members; a man’s wife should ALWAYS be his first priority next to his walk and relationship with the Lord. And when conflict arises, he MUST support his wife. The amazing thing is that when she feels confident and secure in her husband’s love and support, a wife will often change her position on the very issues that caused the conflict in the first place; again demonstrating how the supernatural power of God works when we humble ourselves under His mighty hand by honoring His Word and DOING what it teaches!

32 This mystery is very great, but I speak concerning [the relation of] Christ and the church.
To truly understand a husband’s role in marriage, it’s so important to always relate the marriage relationship to the relationship Jesus has with us as His church; His bride! And when husbands standing for marriage restoration pattern their attitudes and interaction with their wives after the example set by Jesus, He will indeed be glorified because their marriages will be fully and completely restored!

So, husbands, as you strive to be the husband God calls you to be, seriously study the Word to learn and better understand His character and nature and just how He loves and blesses you, and then you will know how He wants you to love and bless your wives. And when you learn to love your wives as Christ loves the church, you will most definitely be blessed and encouraged, because your wives’ hearts will turn back to you and you will experience the miracle of restoration that only God makes possible!

Posted Saturday, July 26th, 2008 at 6:48 pm in Seeds Of Faith.