Revisiting the Question of Unforgiveness
Since there’s still so much conversation about forgiveness (mostly about the lack of it) in the FAM Fellowship, I want to share a link to a previous Seeds Of Faith post, Recognizing and Overcoming Unforgiveness, which I know is just as relevant and vital today as it was then…and ALWAYS will be!
But it’s also very important to note that forgiveness is something that takes place in OUR hearts and that it’s a matter between us and God and NOT something we should tell someone we’ve done when they haven’t even asked to be forgiven! Just imagine how it would feel if someone came to yu and said that they forgave yu for something you didn’t even think you had done wrong or weren’t even aware of? Yeah, it might have made THEM feel better, but it sure wouldn’t make YOU feel very good! The only way to DEMONSTRATE forgiveness is to love UNCONDITIONALLY, so we need to get over the misguided notion that we’re supposed to offer forgiveness to someone who has not asked for it or at least indicated that they don’t feel worthy of our forgiveness. Even though this was covered in a recent post, it appears to be a bigger issue than I realized, so I just want to reinforce that forgiveness is a lot more about what God is doing in our hearts and that if it’s something we think we need to tell someone who hasn’t asked for it, we might need to examine our motives. More than likely, it means that we haven’t let go completely and we still think God needs our help; that there’s something we can and need to say to effect a change in our spouses’ hearts, minds and spirits. But that’s not true; God is the one who has to bring about that change and as long as we keep trying to do HIS work, we probably aren’t going to be too happy with the results.
Since one of the most healing things we can do for broken relationships is to ASK to be forgiven, I’ll work on a future post; perhaps sharing some of the powerful and amazing testimonies of what has happened when FAM members truly understood THEIR own sin and mistakes and humbled themselves before their spouses (and even others) and asked for forgiveness! When we TRULY humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God, we will see that even though our spouses have wronged us, we have done plenty wrong ourselves, and are therefore not quite so entitled to focus on all that we need to forgive, which might well call the sincerity of our forgiveness into question. And when we understand that and the wisdom and power gained by living according to the scripture references in the above post, we will truly be blessed and encouraged!