The First Principle of Restoration is Letting Go
As the ministry continues to grow and even more demands are made on my time, abilities and energy, we’ve made some exciting changes in the private fellowship to try to compensate for that. And one of the most exciting changes is in the format we’ll be using for our conference calls, as well as changing to a rotating schedule between Wednesday and Friday nights so even more members can participate in the calls.
The new format for alternate calls will be devoted to focusing on better understanding the basic principles of marriage restoration as taught and promoted in the Bible, and we’re having our first “Restoration Principles” call tonight, so I’m very much looking forward to the call and want to share the following excerpt from the post we’ll be using as a guideline here and hope you’ll all be blessed and encouraged in the Word of God and His faithfulness as well!
On tonight’s call, we’ll be delving into the first and most important, yet most challenging principle of all…LETTING GO! The one and only passage of scripture that very specifically tells us in unambiguous detail WHAT to do when our spouse leaves is 1 Corinthians 7:15-16, which says:
15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.
16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
First, to fully understand the meaning of this scripture, it’s imperative to read it in the full context of the entire chapter of 1 Corinthians 7, and as always, in the full context of the ENTIRE Word of God. By doing that, we can see that Paul is in NO way saying that abandoned spouses are “free” to go on and remarry just because their spouse left them; in fact, verse 16 actually reveals God’s concern in such circumstances–saving the spouse that leaves and ultimately commits adultery (INCLUDING US). And if we’re ever tempted to doubt that or counseled in any way contrary to that, all we have to do is read Proverbs 5, knowing that God’s Word NEVER goes out of His mouth or returns to Him without accomplishing exactly what it says (Isaiah 46:10-11 and Isaiah 55:10-11), to more fully understand the consequences GOD has established for adultery and realize that our stand for marriage restoration, like ALL THINGS with the Lord, is NOT ABOUT US!!! Then to drive that point home even more powerfully and graphically, we just have to read Proverbs 6:20-35 and Proverbs 7! God even shows us HOW to “let go” and the part WE play in HIS plan for marriage restoration, which Peter quite specifically spelled out in 1 Peter 3. It’s also important to know that the Greek word used for bound in verse 15, douloo, refers to being enslaved (also used in Acts 7:6 and 2 Peter 2:19) and is not the same Greek word Paul used later in verse 39 and again in Romans 7:1-3, deo, which refers to a mutual commitment or agreement/covenant as in a contract.
Additionally, God’s meaning and intent in telling us to LET our spouses go when they depart is understood more clearly by reading 1 Corinthians 7:32-35, which says:
32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord.
33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—
34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.
35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
So the meaning of God’s command to let our spouses go when they leave, and His declaration that we’re not bound in such circumstances and called to live in peace, really just means that we have to turn them over to the work GOD is doing in their hearts and lives and that as long as they are not living with us as their spouses, God’s command and expectation regarding our marital/sexual obligation to them ceases during that time, along with our obligation to concern ourselves with pleasing them and the need that naturally creates to be more concerned with the affairs of this world. However, that does NOT mean we can dishonor or be disrespectful or fail to love our spouses UNCONDITIONALLY as instructed in Ephesians 5:21-32, and in 1 Peter 4:8, Proverbs 10:12, Proverbs 17:9 and 1 Corinthians 13:4-8! Instead, this is time GOD purposefully orchestrated in our lives and circumstances to teach us to serve and worship HIM with undivided devotion and to focus on growing in our personal walk and relationship with Him, as HE molds and reshapes us into the vessels we were always intended to be for His good purpose and glory! And it’s not by any means just a coincidence that doing that is also the ONLY thing that will properly and adequately prepare US for the restored marriages God has planned for us.
Finally, to sum up the meaning of the entire chapter of 1 Corinthians 7, and to make absolutely certain that nothing previously stated in what he had written could be twisted or misconstrued in any way, Paul concluded his instructions regarding marriage, separation and remarriage in 1 Corinthians 7:39 by saying:
:A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.
SO putting that together with the first thing Paul said about marital separation in this passage of scripture in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 and how he ended the passage restating the same thing, it’s not REASONABLY possible to conclude that he in any way meant or intended to say that we’re free to just pick up the pieces of our lives and move on just because our spouses abandon and leave us; much less to divorce them. Therefore, letting go does NOT mean “move on”…”you deserve better”…”God doesn’t want you to be unhappy”…”he/she isn’t worth it” or the myriad of other reasons we’re all given/and even consider for giving up on the power and promise of God’s Word and His unfailing faithfulness to bring it to pass in even those that appear to be the most impossible of all circumstances! Either we believe, trust and obey God or we don’t and that’s the ONLY thing that really counts as we profess to love God, our spouses and to stand for the restoration of our marriages. However, it DOES mean that we have to get out of God’s way instead of standing in the way of sinners (as we tend to readily see our spouses while not seeing ourselves in the same light of God’s Word) and trying to block and hinder what we perceive as “their” sinful conduct rather than handing them over to the devil and the work GOD will do IN that process; all of which is addressed and clearly spelled out in Psalm 1:1 and 1 Corinthians 5:5, as well as in Hosea 2 and Luke 15:11-32. This is in fact the time God intends to deal with OUR sins and shortcomings so that WE can be all He created and intends us to be as Christians, parents and spouses. On the other hand, as long as we insist on desperately holding onto broken marriages and trying to “fix” and dictate the things our spouses feel, say and do or don’t (including what WE think GOD should do to and in them), we’re just allowing the devil to distract us from the work God longs to do in US and are in fact just settling for what the devil wants us to have instead of what Jesus sacrificed to make possible for us. And make no mistake…none of us will ever have more than we’re willing to settle for, so I hope and pray that none of us will ever settle for the devil’s lot and plan instead of patiently and expectantly waiting for God’s perfect and most glorious plan to be manifested in our lives and marriages!
Since letting go and all that entails is the single most important principle of restoration, and the one on which all others rely as WE simply stand in faith and obedience on the power and promise of God’s Word for marriage restoration, I really hope to have many of you on the call tonight; including “older” members who can share how God has worked to bring and enable you to understand and walk this out in your stand and even more so after the restoration of your marriages. Remember, if we don’t use what God has given and blessed us with for the comfort of others and to expand and magnify His kingdom and glory, just as HE has declared, He WILL take what He has given us and give it to those who will (Matthew 25:14-25, Luke 12:47-48 and James 4:3).
Starting today, I’ve purposed in my heart to completely let my spouse go and move out of God’s way so that He will do a work in my unbelieving spouse’s heart. He has been changing my heart and my walk and drawing me closer to His ways and His plans and purposes for my life since my husband and I separated back in September. And I believe God will fully restore our marriage in His divine time.
Thank you. I never fully understood the meaning behind “Let go and Let God. Now I do. So I too, starting tonight, have purposed in my heart to completely let my spouse go and to move out of God’s way so He can do what no other Power can do.
I love the Lord and since my seperation, I have seen God in ways that I’ve never seen Him before. And I thank Him for allowing this time of seperation because I know He cares for me and wants nothing but the best for me. And I know that if my husband had not left, I would have continued in my ways and would not seen God for who He truly is! And I believe now more than ever that my marriage will be restored!
Thank You, Jesus! I am finally getting it and letting go! I missed the part about this is what You orchestrated in my life for Your glory. Forgive me for thinking I could do a better job than You! Your way is perfect…thank You for perfecting everything that concerns me! My life is in Your hands and so is the restoration of my marriage.
God definitely sent me to read this today!!! I’ve been allowing myself to remain in bondage by trying to hold onto my husband/marriage. So I need to release it to God and know that HE will handle it all!!! God doesn’t need my help in any area of my life or the life of my husband. And I don’t need to worry about how things will be if my husband leaves; God said that He will never leave or forsake me and I have to believe that. All things will work together for my good!!! Thanks for providing such good information regarding letting go–I have finally realized how much damage I’ve done by holding on. This is all in God’s plan, so I need to really LET IT GO!
Who is the author of this post? I read that at the time it was written, 2011, he or she would be on a call that night. Do these calls still happen? How can I talk to members who have had their marriage restored?
God is wonderful! I reread this today and remembered how I tried to
“direct” God’s path for several years (especially after my husband left), so the past fourteen months were all about what I wanted.
But since letting go, I have had more peace than I’ve had in years, and my walk is so much closer to our Lord and I just want to be obedient.
Thank You, Jesus, for bringing me here when I was lost in desperation…starting tonight, I am letting go and Letting God work for me on the restoration of my Marriage.
I’m just now learning what it means to let my wife go and release her to the Lord. She divorced me recently after ten years of marriage and three small precious children. She recently became “friends” with another divorced man, but God has revealed His will of reconciliation and plans for our future. So I’m staying out of His way and allowing Him to minister to my wife as she chooses to journey in the desert. God has removed all anger and despair from me and given me hope and peace regarding our final outcome, which I believe will be a miraculously restored marriage!
Thank you. I’ve been fasting and this is what I knew to do, but I was too scared. But I’m letting go today. My God, let Your will be done. Perfect post.
I really needed to read this post about letting go because I needed to understand that I have to step aside and let God do His work and keep my eyes on Him. And I believe that God will restore my marriage.
Thank you for reconfirming my interpretation of Scripture! But I still have questions.
This is my first year standing since my husband divorced me after almost forty years of marriage. My calling is to speak out about the teaching of divorce and remarrying other than one’s covenant spouse, which is so ingrained that it’s hard to dislodge.
I’m grateful that I read this and have renewed courage and resolve to continue in small group conversations. I feel so tense because it’s intense and the atmosphere is like lightning strikes, but I don’t yield ground and stay in the battle. Yet I’m getting weary.
Hello Peggy,
If you still have questions, please feel free to give me a call at 850-656-8087 (EDST) and perhaps I can answer them by directing you to the relevant Scripture references. After all, my opinion isn’t worth two cents because the ONLY opinion that counts is God’s, and the ONLY way to find that is in HIS WRITTEN WORD!
I also want to remind you that we will ALWAYS become discouraged or weary when we try to do what ONLY God can do. And it is up to God to uphold His Word and His Holy covenant of marriage and to convict those we know of the error in their thinking and ways. ONLY God can change and direct hearts where He wants them to go, and when we try to do that, we just give the devil an opening to kill, steal and destroy. So it’s always best to keep our focus on what God wants to teach US during this season of our lives so that we can live out His Word for others to see. After all, what we DO always speaks so much more loudly and clearly than anything we say. God wants you to use this time to realize the mistakes you made in your marriage and how to be the wife He calls you to be–in other words, spend this time getting ready for the restored marriage you’re standing for and leave conviction to the power of the Holy Spirit as you remain in the peace and joy in the Holy Spirit as described in Romans 14:17!
As Christians, there really are times when knowing that we’re right and approved by God has to be enough for us! And no matter how much we try to persuade others of the understanding God has blessed us with concerning His Word and ways, they won’t ever have that understanding unless the Holy Spirit gives it to them. So I like the wise counsel found in 1 Peter 3:15 and have seen over and over again in the ministry that when we live our lives as God would have us to during this time, others will be impacted in ways far beyond anything we could ever imagine and they’ll often end up asking us about what we believe and why we’re doing what we are. THEN they’ll be ready to receive the message we want to share because the Holy Spirit has moved in their hearts and circumstances to prepare them to receive it. I also refer to the devil as the “master distractor” because that’s what he’s always doing! If he can get your focus on fighting a battle God never called or expected you to wage, then your focus is NOT where God wants it to be, which is exactly what the devil wants because that’s how he wins.
So learn how to enjoy this time in your life and let those around you be drawn to the peace and joy you have in Jesus because that will draw them much more than the fruitless battle you’ve been waging. Read what Jesus taught us in Matthew 11:28-30 and please grab hold of verse 29 because that’s the real meat/heart of the message!
May God’s power, love, joy and peace flood your heart, mind and spirit as you focus on growing in your personal and intimate walk and relationship with Jesus!
I have a question; is this post still open?
Hi Debra,
Our post are always “open” and you can post a response, which will be published as long as it meets our posting guidelines.
Thanks for your interest and may the Lord bless you ever so abundantly in the coming year!
In His Love,
Linda
This site has very powerful messages, so thank you for providing this information on your website. In Christ, Amen!
I finally let go…thank You, Jesus!!
Thank You, Lord! This is what I needed to hear. I’m letting go and allowing God to work in my life and He will deal with my husband. There is joy and peace when we truly let go. I let it go because it was never meant for me to fix anything.
I feel God led me to this site because I had started to feel disheartened because my marriage of fourteen years hadn’t been restored after all the prayers. I realized now that i never fully let go. I asked God to fix it and then would try to work on it myself. So I now fully give everything over to God to work out because He is the only One Who can fix it. And I’m just putting my focus on God. Thank You, Jesus, for what You are doing in my life and marriage.
I needed this today. I’m trying to let go and let God have his way and His will. Every time I think I have done that, God shows me that I haven’t. But I am trying, so thank you for showing me some Scriptures to help me. Please keep my marriage and family in your prayers.
Amy, as you can see by other comments, and as I hear so often, we tend to think we’ve let go only to find out that we haven’t. So that’s a fairly normal part of the process, and as long as you keep your eyes and focus on Jesus and what He wants to teach you in this season of your life, you’ll be fine!
My husband has been unfaithful for over a year and moved out seven weeks ago because the NCP is now pregnant. There’s no way I can “fix” this situation, and only God knows the outcome. So I have to let go because I have no control over my marriage or my husband’s choices. I’ve desperately tried to save my marriage for almost nine months and have just become more doubtful. Thank you for your words of godly wisdom that I need to focus my energy and thoughts on my relationship with God instead of putting all of my focus on my husband and his actions.