Anyone standing for marriage restoration knows that forgiveness is a very important part of the restoration process. But perhaps we don’t put that in proper perspective often enough to fully understand how it can be such a hindrance to the restoration of our marriages and families. First, based on Mark 11:25 and other verses, we know that unforgiveness can hinder our prayers, because it says And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” So, just the fact that we have little hope of prayers for the restoration of our marriages being heard or answered when we harbor unforgiveness in our hearts should be enough to make us realize how important it is. But the Lord has been showing me over the past few months another important way unforgiveness interferes with the restoration of our marriages.

Colossians 3:13, along with many other verses, makes it clear that we are to forgive as the Lord has forgiven us, because it says Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. So that means we have to know something about the nature of God’s forgiveness if we’re to forgive as He does. And contrary to popular opinion, according to Hebrews 8:12, forgiving DOES mean FORGETTING, because it says For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” And Psalm 103:12 even tells us as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. And Mica 7:19 says You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea. And while most of us are probably familiar with Hebrews 8:12 above, and other verses making it clear that God’s forgiveness means that He never looks at or remembers our sins again, I wonder how many realize that the very next verse, Hebrews 8:13, says By calling this covenant “new,” he has made the first one obsolete; and what is obsolete and aging will soon disappear. And it’s very interesting to consider Hebrews 8:6-9 in the context of standing for the renewal of our marriage covenants, because that says But the ministry Jesus has received is as superior to theirs as the covenant of which he is mediator is superior to the old one, and it is founded on better promises. For if there had been nothing wrong with that first covenant, no place would have been sought for another. But God found fault with the people and said: “The time is coming, declares the Lord, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah.

Now, the point of all of this is that we have to let the past go, because we can’t take our failed marriages with us into the restored marriages God wants to give us! The following passages of scripture make it VERY clear that we have to let go of past hurts and disappointments and forget the “former things” in order to get the “NEW THING” God wants to do in our marriages and lives:

Isaiah 43:18-19 (NKJV)
“Do not remember the former things, Nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert.

Isaiah 65:16-18 (NKJV)
So that he who blesses himself in the earth Shall bless himself in the God of truth; And he who swears in the earth Shall swear by the God of truth; Because the former troubles are forgotten, And because they are hidden from My eyes. “For behold, I create new heavens and a new earth; And the former shall not be remembered or come to mind. But be glad and rejoice forever in what I create; For behold, I create Jerusalem as a rejoicing, And her people a joy.

So as we stand for the restoration of our marriages, we HAVE to erase those old tapes, because if we don’t, they will keep us from receiving all of the blessings the Lord wants to bestow upon us as He does a NEW thing in our marriages! We ALL have to let go of the past and anything our spouses did or didn’t do and even why we think they did or didn’t do it. We can’t take the past into the future God has planned for us, so we have to let it go! And IF we have truly forgiven our spouses for the past, it shouldn’t come to our minds so readily. Instead we should be praising God for what He’s doing NOW and in the future! We have to get rid of thinking negatively and focus more on thinking and speaking positively, because we do literally SPEAK things into being! And every time we let the old tapes of the past run through our minds, we’re just letting the devil steal, kill and destroy; giving the devil place and power in our lives by creating fear and doubt, which none of us can afford. And IF we persist in recalling the past, it will lead to negative emotions and then tempt us or actually cause us to act in a manner contrary to the stand we’re taking for our marriages; not to mention contrary to our faith and confidence in the power and promise of God’s Word. According to Ephesians 4:30-32, unforgiveness and its resulting emotions and actions are a very serious sin in the eyes of God, because it says And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

And just for the record, this is an area I really struggled with personally, which is why I know the blessing that comes with putting an end to that kind of thinking and the resulting emotions and actions. When we give our spouses a “clean slate”, we’re the ones who actually benefit, because it really makes us much happier. But that should come as no surprise when we read Isaiah 43:25, because it says “I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more. So if forgiveness is good for God; it’s surely good for us! And that’s why we ALL have to let go of the past and stop filtering the present and even our futures through the past hurtful words and deeds of our spouses, because doing that is so contrary to the faith and confidence we proclaim to have in the Lord. We need to learn to filter EVERYTHING through the power and promise of His Word and NOTHING else! So forgive and Forget…and be blessed and encouraged! GOD’S DOING A NEW THING! PRAISE THE LORD!

Posted Friday, September 7th, 2007 at 6:06 pm in Seeds Of Faith.