Right at What Cost?
Based on conversations with some new FAM Fellowship members and others I’ve talked to recently, I’m saddened to discover how many newly married couples have never truly experienced joy or happiness, because their marriages were fraught with petty arguments and disagreements almost from the very beginning. And even though all of these situations center on different issues, the root causes are the same in each; pride and failure to take their issues and concerns to God in prayer.
Unfortunately, few of us fully recognize and understand the absolute truth and wisdom found in Proverbs 16:18, which says Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. And 2 Samuel 22:28 says You save the humble, but your eyes are on the haughty to bring them low.
Since pride was what got Satan in trouble in the first place, it’s no wonder that he’s so adept when it comes to using it to steal, kill and destroy our marriages and families. Pride is something Satan knows ALL about, and he knows how to push the buttons in each of us that cause us to lose sight of the things that are REALLY important; which we will often do just for the sake of self preservation and self justification. So it is by no means just a coincidence that the Bible tells us to submit to the Lord and humble ourselves before Him in order to resist the devil and make him flee from us, as we see in James 4:6-7 , which says But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. And then James 4:10 says Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. And that’s further confirmed and amplified in 1 Peter 5:5-11, which says Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.
Sadly, way too many times (if not most or all), When we find ourselves in a dispute over anything, even totally inconsequential things, for the sake of our pride we refuse to give up and demand to be acknowledged as right. But how often do we take the time to actually consider the cost of such a demand? Unfortunately, when we let pride drive us into battle mode against our spouses, we MAY well win the battle, but we will also very likely lose the war; the spiritual warfare Satan is waging to steal, kill and destroy our marriages and families. Yet, we have God’s Word that if we will humble ourselves under HIS mighty hand, HE will lift us up and restore us in due time. That’s why it is so important to fully understand the significance of the passage of scripture Peter refers to in the instructions to husbands and wives in 1 Peter 3:1-12 (NASB) as follows:
1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,
2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
3 Your adornment must not be merely external–braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses;
4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands;
6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.
7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
8 To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit;
9 not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.
10 For, “THE ONE WHO DESIRES LIFE, TO LOVE AND SEE GOOD DAYS, MUST KEEP HIS TONGUE FROM EVIL AND HIS LIPS FROM SPEAKING DECEIT.
11 HE MUST TURN AWAY FROM EVIL AND DO GOOD; HE MUST SEEK PEACE AND PURSUE IT.
12 FOR THE EYES OF THE LORD ARE TOWARD THE RIGHTEOUS, AND HIS EARS ATTEND TO THEIR PRAYER, BUT THE FACE OF THE LORD IS AGAINST THOSE WHO DO EVIL.”
Since this is such a VITALLY important passage of scripture for everyone standing for marriage restoration, here’s a link to it in The Amplified Bible. I STRONGLY encourage every husband and wife to read and seriously study this passage of scripture and put it into practice, especially those seeking marriage restoration. Truly understanding these very specific instructions from God for wives and husbands AND putting them into practice has the power to TOTALLY transform and turn around ANY marriage, which is why it is SO important! I have often said that if there were only one instructional passage of scripture available for marriage restoration, this is the one I’d want. But, praise the Lord, we have so much more! However, we can’t possibly fully understand the significance and impact of this passage without reading it in the context of the preceding passage of scripture. Before the instructions for both wives and husbands, we are told “In the same way….” In the same way as what? We tend to forget that the original text of the Bible didn’t have chapter and verse notations, so we often have to read the preceding chapters and verses to fully understand the context of what we’re reading, and in some cases, such as this, that’s very important. So I recommend reading all of 1 Peter 2. But in the particular context of avoiding strife, arguments and disagreements in marriage, there’s no doubt that 1 Peter 2:18-25 applies; making its reference very relevant to the instructions Peter gives wives and husbands. It says:
18 Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh.
19 For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God.
20 But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God.
21 To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.
22 “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.”
23 When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.
24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.
25 For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.
Well, that sure does fly in the face of what the world considers “politically correct” these days, doesn’t it? Yet, it’s very much in keeping with what Jesus taught us in Matthew 5:38-45, which says:
38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’
39 But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.
40 And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well.
41 If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.
42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’
44 But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
Surely, if God sets such a high standard for interaction with our enemies and those who persecute us; He certainly does not expect les when it comes to our one flesh mates. But there’s NO denying that doing what God expects, especially when our marriages are falling apart and our spouses are determined to leave, requires a boat load of humility! But we only have two choices; we can do things the way of the world and end up with the world’s results, which we know is divorce and a lot of pain and devastation, especially for the children of divorced parents who really suffer the most according to all available statistical data. Or we can DO things God’s way and stand on the power and promise of His Word and get His results, which we know is the restoration of our marriages according to Malachi 2 and many other passages of scripture. And Malachi 2:11-17 (NASB) particularly makes it very clear that it is God Almighty who will uphold the covenant of our marriages when we are faithful, because it says:
11 “Judah has dealt treacherously, and an abomination has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem; for Judah has profaned the sanctuary of the LORD which He loves and has married the daughter of a foreign god.
12 “As for the man who does this, may the LORD cut off from the tents of Jacob everyone who awakes and answers, or who presents an offering to the LORD of hosts.
13 “This is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand.
14 “Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.
15 “But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth.
16 “For I hate divorce,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the LORD of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”
17 You have wearied the LORD with your words Yet you say, “How have we wearied Him?” In that you say, “Everyone who does evil is good in the sight of the LORD, and He delights in them,” or, “Where is the God of justice?”
So it is my earnest hope and prayer that something in this message will reach the hearts and minds of every husband and wife, young and old alike, and make us all realize and consider the very high cost of insisting on being right, or of trying to make our spouses see, accept or acknowledge that we are right or that they are wrong. Our stand for marriage restoration is much better served if we would just find a place of resting in the knowledge that God knows we are right and that HE will judge all things in our favor IF we’d just humble ourselves before our spouses and under His MIGHTY hand! But when we fail to do that and are controlled by our pride, God has to actually OPPOSE us, because that’s what His Word says and He will NEVER let His Word be mocked! That’s why it is SO important for us to get this. He’s the one who will vindicate us and lift us up and restore us in due time, so we have to learn to put our faith, confidence and trust in the power and promise of God’s Word and know that He will judge us and those who oppose us justly. If that was good enough for Jesus, surely it is good enough for us, which we know it was according to 1 peter 2:23; When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. Oh, what a place to be in our walk and relationship with the Lord when we can TRULY do that! And while I’ve seen and we all know the awesome power of praise, prayer and fasting; I have to say that one of the most surprising and amazing things my experience in marriage restoration ministry has taught me is that NOTHING compares to the supernatural power I’ve witnessed at work when men and women standing for marriage restoration really do humble themselves before the Lord and their spouses. So take time to study all of the scripture verses here, line by line, and learn to put them into practice, because when we truly understand that insisting on having our mates acknowledge or agree that we are right or that they are wrong, we may well be doing so at the cost of our own happiness and a LOT more! When we truly understand how important and powerful the message of humility really is, we WILL BE blessed and encouraged beyond belief!