Though not very popular teaching, the simple answer to whether or not God really expects and even commands wives to submit to ungodly husbands who are not saved or being obedient to His Word is a resounding “YES!” And since that’s been a rather challenging topic of discussion with FAM members recently, and it’s my responsibility to teach and present the Word of God as He has led me to understand it, I want to share some vitally important passages of scripture for everyone standing for marriage restoration. And then it’s up to each of us to determine for ourselves how they apply to us and our individual and specific situations.

First and foremost, we have to be careful to avoid using a single verse of scripture in God’s Word in an effort to justify and rationalize our attitudes and behavior, especially when there APPEAR to be conflicting verses and passages of scripture, which most likely just means that one thing is true in some circumstances or up to a certain point, and then something else is true. As the Bible teaches, we need to hear and heed the WHOLE counsel of God (Acts 20:27) because we live by EVERY WORD that comes from the mouth of God (Deuteronomy 8:3). And whether women like it or not, the Bible VERY SPECIFICALLY teaches wives to SUBMIT to their husbands, and it even tells us to do so when they are being disobedient to the Word; which obviously means even though they are breaking God’s commandments.

Ephesians 5:22-24 says (with my emphasis added) Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. And please note that this says IN EVERYTHING and did not mention ANY exceptions and since GOD is NOT the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33), the meaning of this is pretty clear and unambiguous. Yet to eliminate any doubt that God means that wives are to submit to their husbands IN EVERYTHING AS TO THE LORD EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT BEING GODLY and obeying the Word of God, we can read 1 Peter 3:1-6, which (in the Amplified Bible) INSTRUCTS IN LIKE manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives, When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him–to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband]. Let not yours be the [merely] external adorning with [elaborate] interweaving and knotting of the hair, the wearing of jewelry, or changes of clothes; But let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which [is not anxious or wrought up, but] is very precious in the sight of God. For it was thus that the pious women of old who hoped in God were [accustomed] to beautify themselves and were submissive to their husbands [adapting themselves to them as themselves secondary and dependent upon them]. It was thus that Sarah obeyed Abraham [following his guidance and acknowledging his headship over her by] calling him lord (master, leader, authority). And you are now her true daughters if you do right and let nothing terrify you [not giving way to hysterical fears or letting anxieties unnerve you].

And let’s NOT forget just what it was that Abraham asked Sarah to do!!! He asked her to hide the fact that she was his wife so that HE could be spared and she could be taken by the Pharaoh and later King Abimelech and he would then be rewarded and treated well (Genesis 12 and Genesis 20)! Yes, Sarah was indeed Abraham’s half sister, but he was lying to save his own life and apparently didn’t care that much about what would happen to Sarah as a result of that. Yet she SUBMITTED to his request even though it obviously meant that she and the men they deceived could end up committing adultery, which is obviously wrong and sinful in the eyes of God. And even though we don’t really know what happened with Pharaoh, we know God saved her from that fate the second time with the king! YET THIS IS THE EXAMPLE PETER TELLS WIVES TO FOLLOW!!!

BUT the only way to fully understand this passage of scripture is to read what preceded it (particularly 1 Peter 2:23), which we have to do since 1 Peter 3:1 said “IN LIKE manner…” (and please note the caps!).in like manner to what? To find out, we have to see what came before these instructions, and 1 Peter 2:18-25 says Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.” When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

Unfortunately, people tend to use this teaching to open up a can of worms as they propose all sorts of hypothetical situations in an effort to challenge or refute it…so I sure am glad it’s not MY responsibility to explain or defend it! GOD wrote it and it’s up to HIM to speak to each one of us to help us understand what it means and how to apply it to our particular situations; yet the meaning seems pretty clear to me. WIVES ARE TO OBEY AND SUBMIT to their husbands IN EVERYTHING AS UNTO THE LORD AND THEN TRUST GOD WITH THE CONSEQUENCES!!! That means being agreeable with our husbands and putting all of our hope, faith and trust in God to protect and deliver us; knowing that even if our submission IN OBEDIENCE TO GOD leads us into sinful behavior because we are humbling ourselves under the mighty hand of God by following HIS instructions to submit to our husbands IN EVERYTHING, the sin will be accounted to our husbands; just as ours is to Christ and just as Eves was to Adam (Romans 5:12 and 1 Timothy 2:14). And when we submit to our husbands in everything as unto the Lord, we’re demonstrating that we love and trust Him because we’re obeying His VERY SPECIFIC instructions for wives to submit to even disobedient and unsaved husbands. So IF our hope is to win disobedient and/or unsaved husbands over…and we fail to do as God’s Word instructs, based on what Jesus taught in Luke 6:46-49, we can’t necessarily count on Him to move SUPERNATURALLY on our behalf to save and deliver them from the hold the devil has on them and restore our marriages and families.

It’s also pretty exciting and encouraging to realize how Peter’s teaching from Chapter 3 lines up with God’s instructions in 1 Corinthians 7:15-16 to husbands and wives when an unbelieving spouse leaves, because it says But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? As most of us know, many believe and teach that these verses mean that we are not bound by our marriage vows when our spouse leaves, but nothing could be farther from the truth (for more detail, read Marriage, Divorce & Remarriage)! Since the first mention of separation and divorce and the last mention of it and the first mention of remarriage in 1 Corinthians 7 (verses 10, 11 and 39) VERY UNEQUIVOCALLY say that marriage is for life and that we can NOT remarry as long as our spouse lives (not withstanding Jesus’ declarations in Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:8-9), it makes absolutely NO SENSE that Paul, who we know by reading the whole chapter was NOT pro marriage, would say that marriage was for life in the beginning and end of the passage and say something totally different (FOR ANY REASON) in the middle! No, as Paul goes to such great lengths to declare in verse 10, as he does nowhere else in scripture that I know of, the instructions GOD gave to him in verses 15 and 16 were obviously based on the same principles Jesus taught in Luke 15:11-32, which are illustrated and spelled out in even more detail in Hosea 2. And just as happened in both of these passages of scripture, when our spouses want to leave, IF we just LET THEM GO AND TRUST AND OBEY GOD, GOD WILL work SUPERNATURALLY to BRING THEM BACK!!! And since both 1 Corinthians 7:15-16 and 1 Peter 3:1-6 reveal the importance of living in peace (having a gentle and quiet spirit) and the power that has to attract our spouses and impact and bring about their salvation and deliverance, it’s obvious that everyone standing for marriage restoration should focus on whatever it takes to live and walk in peace; especially since Romans 14:17 declares that the kingdom of God is about righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit! And that’s even further confirmed in the instructions given to all of us as we stand for the restoration of our marriages in 1 Peter 3:14-16, which says But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. “Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened.” But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.

While I fully understand what a difficult and challenging teaching this is, it is nonetheless what I believe the Bible teaches, and the only way to walk it out is by the grace given to us by God when we truly put all of our hope and trust in Him. His grace is indeed sufficient and we can do all things through Christ Who strengthens us! So I pray that everyone will study the Bible references and seek the Lord’s guidance because I’m fully convinced and persuaded by countless conversations and my experience witnessing how the Lord works in marriage restoration, that this is vitally important for anyone seeking to understand God’s command to let our spouses go when they want to leave and for women to SUBMIT to husbands even when they are not acting very godly and in accordance with the Word of God. God and God alone has to bring conviction to our spouses’ of their wrong doing, and it is and always will be HIM and HIM alone Who can and will change their hearts and redirect their paths. And when we put all of our hope, faith and confidence in God and the power and promise of His Word, we will have the peace of God that’s so attractive and powerful as we stand for marriage restoration, and we’ll be blessed with the manifestation of God’s awesome promise in 1 Peter 1:3-7, which says Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. And praise God for the blessed assurance we have in 1 Peter 2:3-6< which declares As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him—you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. For in Scripture it says: “See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame.”