One Response

1. response by Linda Wattu      September 22nd, 2009 at 12:06 am

   While I’ve never shared anything quite like this on the public website before, since this is such an important topic and A’s testimony can’t really be fully appreciated without sharing it, I hope it will be a great source of inspiration and encouragement to many who still struggle with many of the same issues. This is what A referred to above as my “BICTIM SMACK DOWN” and it truly reflects the love we are all blessed to experience in the FAM Fellowship. However, it was in no way typical of the way I respond to posts on the site, but I recognized her post as an opportunity to help A as I hadn’t been able to up to that point, and I realized that doing so could be helpful to many others as well. And what a special blessing it was that eight of those who responded had already claimed their restored marriages! Then we were all really blessed by A’s next post, which was filled with awesome praises after an encounter with her husband less than two weeks later, and VERY appropriately titled “Bye Bye Victim – Hello Victor!” So it is my prayer and deepest heart’s desire that all who read this will be touched and inspired to take the journey from victim to victor in Christ, because you will indeed be blessed and encouraged beyond belief!
   

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   Update and Praise! – December 3rd, 2008 by A
   Hello everyone. I’m glad to see all of the things that continue to happen in this ministry. How faithful our Lord has been to us all. And I want to give you all an update on my Thanksgiving weekend. I was not going to post, but the Lord laid it on my heart to look at the small things. As I read back over a study sheet from church the other night, one thing it said was that in a storm/battle, we sometimes tend to over look the little miracles that are leading us up to the big one. So I realized that I had an answered prayer and a small miracle that I need to share.

   On Thanksgiving Day, SNO (spouse name omitted) called his step-mom, and I was at her house, and after speaking with him, she gave the phone to our daughter. SNO and CNO (child’s name omitted) spoke for about twenty minutes, and she talked his ear off; telling him everything she could think of. She also shared with him how she and I made him a cheesecake and that we would be bringing it over for him and that he would know it’s from us. I heard her on the phone and I thought “Oh my goodness.” That was not what we were going to do, but she’s three, so what could I say? After they finished talking, his step-mom asked SNO if he wanted to speak to me and he said yes. He seemed real distant on the phone, or shy, as if we were strangers. He wished me a Happy Thanksgiving and I said the same to him. And then he let me know that he would be leaving his brother’s house later in the day and that I could come by then. I told him that I was not coming by to stay; just to drop off the cheesecake for him and to give his mother a card I got for her. And I let him know that if he was still home, I would just have someone meet me outside to get it. He said that was fine and told me to tell everyone He said Hi and that he loved them and for me to take care. I was a bit saddened because I couldn’t understand what the big deal was about him seeing me or CNO and why I had to meet someone outside, but I let it go.

   Around 4:30pm that afternoon, I called SNO’s mom, to meet me out front to drop off the items. She was really concerned about CNO, because she kept telling her daddy on the phone that she was going to see him and that was not the case, but she had fortunately fallen asleep in the car. SNO’s mom) said that he was outside for a long time after she told him that I was on my way, but then he came in the house, and that he was having a hard time and was crying. I just gave her the things and said “I better get out of here.” and I left.

   SNO’s uncle passed away and the funeral was Saturday. I told his step-mom that I didn’t think I was going to come, because it was obvious that SNO might feel uncomfortable being around me. She said that she wasn’t sure that he was coming and that I didn’t need to base whether or not to go on him. I prayed about it all day Friday and decided that I would go since he was like my uncle too. That morning, his step-mom saw SNO and told him that I would be at the funeral and he said he knew that. When I got there, I didn’t know where he was and I waited outside for the immediate family to go in first. When I saw him, my heart felt so fluttery and I didn’t know what to do or say. So I stopped in front of him and said hello, and reached out to give him a hug. He hugged me back and then picked up CNO. I didn’t want to invade his space or anything so I sat in the row in front of him and let him and CNO sit together. During the whole service, I kept feeling him stare at me, but I only turned around once. Afterwards, when everyone was outside, CNO would not let her dad out of her sight; everywhere he went, she was as well. And I was so happy that she was able to spend that time with him because it’s been almost five months since she has seen him. She asked if he could come back to Ma D’s (his step-mom) house to play with her and he said he didn’t know; that he would have to see. That hit me the wrong way, so I just prayed and gave it up to God for His will to be done. When we left, he said bye to me and just walked away.

   When we pulled up to his step-mom’s house, mostly everyone was already there because we were the last ones to leave the church. And guess whose car was right there? SNO’s. And I was thankful to God that he decided to show up at the house. He didn’t say much to me and we sort of just went our own ways, but He did fix CNO’s plate and ate with her. I asked him if he received my message about his mail, and to my surprise he said yes and asked if I fixed it for him. I said that I didn’t know he wanted me to, but that I could take care of it for him if he needed, and I was so glad that he trusted me to take care of that for him. He stayed for about an hour or two and then waived bye to me and took off.

   There were so many things that I could have been down and bitter about, but I decided to not speak out that negativity and not let any negative thoughts run loose in my head. I have prayed for so long for CNO to see her dad and for SNO’s heart to be turned to her, and I truly believe this was only the beginning. So, I’m praising God that after five months, I was able to see him as well, since I wasn’t sure I’d see him at all while I was pregnant. God answered many prayers that day; small miracles definitely took place that day, and I know that God is still working today.

   I’m sorry this is so long, but I just wanted to make sure I got everything in here. Love you all!
   Posted Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008 at 8:02 am in Praise Testimonies.
   Response by Kathy in Kansas on December 3rd, 2008 at 9:06 am
   A, praise God for all the work He is doing in your husband. I’m so glad you were able to spend some time with him. As Kelli wrote in her post below, sometimes the little things mean just as much as the big things. That is why we are never to lean to our own understanding. God is working it all out and all we have to do is trust Him. God Bless you!
   Response by Linda Wattu on December 3rd, 2008 at 11:01 am
   Oh Girl, do we ever need to talk. Honey, as I read this, I just felt so sad because it’s obvious that you are so wrapped up in your identity as a victim that you don’t even see what you are doing. So I am indeed glad you included so much detail and decided to post it…and I hope you won’t mind me using it to help you and others who might well be doing the same thing, because it is an absolute restoration killer. And I’m sure some of the others can share how they have been in the exact same place because it’s so easy and natural to do.

   A, Honey, you have obviously got so much unforgiveness in your heart; just because you don’t say the words and try to get them out of your head doesn’t mean that the negativity isn’t in your heart. As I read this I was really struck by how much you’re just NOT able to see because you are so caught up in playing your role as a victim to the hilt; that you just keep speaking it into being and let it dictate your every behavior and reaction. Honey, you have to FORGIVE AND FORGET!!! Remember that Jesus taught us that we can’t pour NEW WINE INTO OLD WINE SKINS (Matthew 9:17) or both will be ruined! Honey, you’re doing so much leaning to your own understanding and you’re trying so hard to “manage” everything; I know you THINK you’re doing the exact opposite, but nothing could be further from the truth. And I have a feeling that you don’t have a CLUE what is in SNO’s heart and mind; you have decided that he doesn’t want you or to talk to you and that keeps you from seeing everything he does to show or indicate otherwise, and then when he tries to open up to you, you’re filtering it through this concept you have of how he feels and you’ve actually started acting like a martyr now. Honey, you’re doing exactly what I did and what SO many of us have done! I was so caught up in playing out my role as a victim that I actually started victimizing my husband, and that’s what you’re doing to SNO. So I’m just going to point out some of the ways you did that as revealed in what you shared here, and how much damage you are doing by leaning to YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING and THINKING that you know what you don’t really know…and what I sense you are greatly misunderstanding and misinterpreting concerning SNO.

   First, you said that SNO “seemed real distant on the phone, or shy, as if we were strangers.” Well, first, you are leaning to your own understanding because you don’t really know what he is thinking or how he is feeling, and you were obviously hurt or offended because you thought he was acting like you were strangers; your victim identity shining through and causing you to react and respond as a victim and not as the victor you are in Christ; which means that ALL THINGS are made new. But you weren’t thinking, feeling, and probably not talking that way; you were leaning to your own understanding, not trusting God with ALL of your heart or acknowledging Him in ALL of your ways (Proverbs 3:5-6).

   When I read “he let me know that he would be leaving his brother’s house later in the day and that I could come by then. I told him that I was not coming by to stay; just to drop off the cheesecake for him and to give his mother a card I got for her. And I let him know that if he was still home, I would just have someone meet me outside to get it. He said that was fine and told me to tell everyone He said Hi and that he loved them and for me to take care. I was a bit saddened because I couldn’t understand what the big deal was about him seeing me or CNO and why I had to meet someone outside, but I let it go.” I almost wanted to cry, A. Honey, HE never told you that you had to get someone to meet you outside…YOU ARE THE ONE WHO SUGGESTED THAT! And I wonder if you even heard exactly what he said about bringing the cheese cake over or if that was filtered through what you expected him to say and thought he meant as well. The reason I say that is because it is TOTALLY INCONSISTENT with everything else you shared about what he said and did. And I’ve had enough experience with this sort of stuff that I have gotten pretty good at reading the behavior and attitudes of men and women in these situations, and it sure does sound to me like you and SNO are so far from being on the same page that it’s only making things a lot worse than they really are. When you wrote “I couldn’t understand what the big deal was about him seeing me or CNO and why I had to meet someone outside, but I let it go.”–your victim identity was again riding high and shining through so strong that it overshadowed the love of Christ. First, IF he doesn’t want to see you, you have to VALIDATE that and accept it even if you don’t understand it, and NOT take offense; remember that love covers over an offense and keeps NO record of wrongs. And you might THINK you let it go, which you might have done in terms of not saying anything, but you did NOT let it go and it still festered in your heart and continued to feed your victim identity. Honey, when he said whatever he did, ALL you should have said was “Okay, that will be great.” But instead you had to make sure he knew that poor little you were going to stay out of his way and you would be a poor, humble little victim and not torture him with your presence! Honey, I hope you’re getting this! And the sad thing is that BECAUSE you were just leaning to your own understanding and playing up your role as a victim, SNO doesn’t know what you’re doing, which obviously was NOT what he wanted or intended or he wouldn’t have been the ONE waiting outside for you to show up and then come in the house upset and crying after waiting so long! He probably felt rejected and like you are going out of your way not to see him! What a mess you two have made of things, Girl. A, you have GOT to STOP speaking all of this rot into being and you have to start acting like you believe the promises of God and that He has the power to bring about change. Honey, you are acting so miserable that there’s no wonder SNO wouldn’t want to be around you, especially if all you say and do just reminds him of the situation and how wounded yu are and how rejected you feel. He already feels like a total failure and all you are doing is reinforcing that and that just makes him feel that all is lost and that restoration and forgiveness aren’t possible. It’s not about you, A, and you need to get that, Honey, as we all do because if we don’t, restoration isn’t going to take place. You didn’t even seem to notice that he said to tell everyone that he loved them and for YOU to take care—those are NOT the words of a man with the attitude and heart you seem to think SNO has.

   You wrote “Around 4:30pm that afternoon, I called SNO’s mom, to meet me out front to drop off the items. She was really concerned about CNO, because she kept telling her daddy on the phone that she was going to see him and that was not the case, but she had fortunately fallen asleep in the car. SNO’s mom said that he was outside for a long time after she told him that I was on my way, but then he came in the house, and that he was having a hard time and was crying. I just gave her the things and said “I better get out of here.” and I left.” A, did you not HEAR what the woman said! SNO was outside waiting for you to get there and when you did not come, he was upset and crying! WHY! That’s obviously not a man with the heart and attitude you keep painting him with; can’t you see that? No, you can’t…because you are so wrapped up in your identity as a victim that you have to paint EVERYTHING with that brush, whether if fits into your mold of that or not. You even paint your daughter with the same brush and you probably felt validated in that because someone else seems to have the same viewpoint and you wanted to make sure that we knew that too…and for what purpose? Ask yourself that, Honey, because I think it will reveal a lot to you about the point I’m trying to make. That is the way of the world and NOT THE WAY OF JESUS CHRIST and restoration!!! And EVEN if you were one hundred percent right, you should have kept your mouth shut instead of trying to make sure someone else knew how much you have to sacrifice because SNO treats you so badly; in other words, even if that’s how you felt, you should have just left without saying that you had better get out of there. That’s just victimizing SNO again; and he didn’t do ANYTHING to justify you saying anything like that to his mom. You are speaking so much death into your marriage, A, and one of the reasons I’m doing this is to help you see that, because I know it is not at all what you want or mean to do; nevertheless, it is what you are doing and it is what so many of us are doing or have done in the past, so I’m not just picking on you. It’s just that your post provided such a classic example of this and I hope the opportunity needed to help you understand it which I’m sure some of the others who have gotten past this stage can share about as well.

   Then you wrote “I told his step-mom that I didn’t think I was going to come, because it was obvious that SNO might feel uncomfortable being around me. She said that she wasn’t sure that he was coming and that I didn’t need to base whether or not to go on him.” How was it obvious? Unless you left something out, I don’t see how you thought it was so obvious. And YOU were OBVIOUSLY wrong since he went to the funeral knowing that you would be there and then again later after the funeral. But you still didn’t see that, A, because you can only see things through your perspective as the wounded, rejected and unwanted wife and you take every opportunity to remind everyone of that. Even if you decided not to go to the funeral or weren’t sure, you didn’t have to (AND SHOULDN’T) tell his step-mom why; you were just victimizing SNO again; especially since you were wrong. But you wanted her to know what a great sacrifice you were making just to pleas that terrible, mean man who treats you and his daughter so badly; even if just subconsciously. So I hope you’re getting this. And for those of you who haven’t talked to me on the phone; now you know what I tell everyone who calls and why they say what they do about talking to me, because this is what I do as everyone will attest to! So maybe now you won’t want to call me. BUT we have to DO things the way the Bible teaches or we are NOT going to get GOD’S results and that’s what this ministry is all about; learning HOW to DO things GOD’S way.

   A, SNO’s step-mom even tried to tell you the same thing in her own way when she said you shouldn’t base what you do on SNO, but instead of understanding what she meant, you probably felt that she was affirming and acknowledging your identity as a victim, but I don’t think so. Your family and friends are probably all sick and tired of so much immaturity and drama, so I hope and pray that you will put an end to it and then I bet you will be shocked with the consequences.

   As you keep reading what you wrote, I hope you can start to pick out some of the other areas where you took offense or reacted and filtered things through your role as a victim and wounded wife and mother, but I’m not going to list all of them. Yet, I did want to address when you wrote “I asked him if he received my message about his mail, and to my surprise he said yes and asked if I fixed it for him. I said that I didn’t know he wanted me to, but that I could take care of it for him if he needed, and I was so glad that he trusted me to take care of that for him.” Honey, please just learn to respond positively and say something like “I didn’t yet, but I’d be glad to do that for you.” In this case, you just once again pointed out the state of your situation and reminded him of it; you have to learn to speak GOOD things into life, A, and not death into your marriage and husband’s heart, mind and spirit! All you’re doing is reinforcing all of the negatives with your mouth, and our tongues do have the power of life and death and we are going to eat the fruit of the words we speak as warned in Proverbs 18:21. And read Numbers 13-14 again and see what God said about doing what He hears us saying in the desert and how important praise and thanksgiving, grateful attitudes and faith and confidence in what HE says are to God. And don’t forget that He is the same yesterday, today and forever and what He did then, He still does today. Surely we all want to be Caleb and Joshua and not the other ten spies who God killed on the spot or those who listened to them instead of trusting and obeying God and NEVER made it to the Promised Land!!! And PLEASE read 1 Peter 3:1-6 again and then go back to 1 Peter 2:18-25 since that’s what 1 Peter 3 refers back to.

   Honey, when I read “There were so many things that I could have been down and bitter about, but I decided to not speak out that negativity and not let any negative thoughts run loose in my head.” I wanted to cry; because there wasn’t anything to be down and bitter about! You just saw it all that way because of all of the yuk still in your heart and because you can’t filter anything through any other filter but that of a victim. Even in trying to praise God, this is full of mumbling and grumbling; all of those little things that just affirm and confirm to you that you are indeed a victim and being a good little martyr. A, you can’t receive the blessings and the work it looks to me like God is and has been doing because you are so wound up in being a victim that you don’t even think of yourself as being victorious any more; those are just words that have no real meaning and power in your heart; like Kelli shared and you appreciated. And since Kelli’s post went up after you posted this, I hope you did get some of this from what she shared and that what I’m writing is just further confirmation. And if you didn’t read it yet, read Lorraine’s Coffee Break message for today, which I will be posting in Seeds Of Faith a little later and ask yourself where you are looking. And please call when you can so we can talk about some of this; you have to get a different perspective, Honey. I think you have so misread and misunderstood SNO. I might be wrong, but I really don’t think so; his actions and words just don’t line up with the picture you seem to have of him. Honey, he’s hurting and feeling very unworthy and like he’s made such a mess of things that there’s no hope. But you are unintentionally making this all about you and not understanding things from his perspective, which is what you have to do if you want your marriage and family to be restored. Christ is about nothing if not teaching us that it’s NOT about us! It’s about HIM FIRST, then others and we are last; that’s what His ministry here on earth was all about and we have to get that if we want to experience all He died to give us. You need to learn a different way of doing things so you can get a different result, Honey, so we need to figure out a way to talk more often so we can work through some of this. And again I hope you don’t mind that I did this. I thought about not posting your post and trying to just talk to you about it privately, but I know this is a matter many still struggle with and that you can learn from the input of some of the others who have already had to learn the same things. And I know that your heart is in the right place and that you’re ready to see some changes, so let’s get on it and you will be amazed as you see how quickly the Lord works when you learn to TRULY humble yourself, which you don’t do by telling everyone how humble you are being and how sacrificially you are behaving. Let your actions speak, Honey, and learn that if you don’t have anything good and uplifting to say to or about your husband, just keep your mouth shut! We all have to learn that lesson, so you are not alone. And as wives, we are to be to our husbands as we are to Christ, and that means that we are hear for their praise, honor and glory and acting so victimized and what you’ve been saying about SNO to others does not do that. But this is a great opportunity for growth and to learn HOW to stand on the power and promise of God’s Word for your marriage, so I’m looking forward to seeing how God will work SUPERNATURALLY to fully and completely restore your marriage and family. So be blessed and encouraged; with Christ, you CAN do this!!!
   Response by Miriam on December 3rd, 2008 at 11:29 am
   Hi A, as I was reading your post, I too felt the pain and hurt you have and the unforgiveness you still hold for SNO. So please let me shed some light. I went through so many situations exactly like the one you described with my daughter and her father. Before my husband left us, he was in love with his daughter and when he left so went his relationship with her. That had to be one of the hardest things for me to accept, but like everything else, it will change. I just claimed my restoration, but my situation was as grim as yours might seem to you right now. So rest in the Lord and he will make it so that SNO wants to spend every moment with his little girl. And yes, it is the little miracles that will get you through, so keep looking for them and rejoice in them and praise the Lord for every single one of them.
   Response by Ian on December 3rd, 2008 at 12:46 pm
   Hello. Take courage, A. When you read Linda’s response, it may be difficult to read. This was going to be written in a private email to Linda, because I had my turn of straight talk with her yesterday. And it was difficult to hear some of her words, but I knew she was right. What Linda might not have known was that that at certain points, she had me so near to tears that I could almost not reply back to her. And I have not felt like that since I was a child when getting in trouble. Yes, my feelings were hurt. But I also had tears in my eyes because she also was building me up and encouraging me; getting me to see the positive side of things and telling me that Jesus loves us no matter what; even if we miss the mark sometimes. We will all make mistakes as Linda told me. What a God we have that he would use one of his servants/leaders like this for you and me (and others). I know Linda loves each one of us and I know God shows his love (and tough love) through her. And yes, I will still call.
   A, I just didn’t want you to feel alone or discouraged, because the above spoke/reaffirmed to me as well.
   Response by Priscilla on December 3rd, 2008 at 4:12 pm
   A, I know it will be difficult to read Linda’s response, but God is using her to make you aware of what is happening. I have spoken death from my mouth concerning my restoration for so long, and the best thing you can do is listen and I know it’s not easy. Linda has told me things God wanted me to know too. And, yes, they were difficult to hear and follow, but it works. God wants to change and move in your marriage. I have worn the victimization robe for so long and it really feels so nice when you get rid of it. God wants you to be grateful for all the good and the bad because God will use it for his Glory! I hope you believe God will soon turn the tide in your situation, but when God warrants changes, it is for the best. I will be praying for you and your family. When I read your post, I sensed how much your husband wanted to be around you and your daughter, so let’s Praise the Lord for that. God bless you.
   Response by A on December 3rd, 2008 at 5:33 pm
   Thank you so much and though hard to read; yes, I see it. Linda, I will write you an email in a while. Again thanks.
   Response by Cindy in Georgia on December 3rd, 2008 at 7:19 pm
   A, don’t feel targeted, because we all have had to hear the same things Linda is telling you. She is only there to help and encourage you to do things God’s way so you will get God’s results and see the complete restoration of your marriage. Yes, it hurts, but we all know God is using her to help us understand how to stand for our marriages, that is why we joined this ministry. Even now that my husband is back home, I too had a talk with Linda last night, and I also received the same response about speaking life and not death into my marriage. So you can see that even once our spouses come home, you will still need encouragement! A, your husband was trying to tell you in a way that he wanted to be around you or see you, so don’t lean unto your own understanding. Let God handle all things and praise him for all of the little things! We all have been where you are and we all are still learning, so just know that we are all here to help you and encourage you. Don’t give up and learn to let go and forgive; you will have such peace when you do. I will be praying and God bless you. God can and will restore your marriage; just give it to him!
   Response by Karla on December 3rd, 2008 at 8:45 pm
   A, I wanted to read and reread your post a few times before I responded. The reason is that I saw some of my “old Karla” traits in your post. I did alot of leaning on my own understanding, which really made things so much worse with SNO. Not only that, it was dishonoring God every time that I did it. I can guarantee that your husband was struggling over this holiday weekend. It is not any easier for them, trust me. I just had this conversation with my husband, who didn’t come home until after Thanksgiving.

   The one thing SNO keeps telling me is how his heart immediately started to change as soon as I let go. He didn’t know I had let go; he could just tell that something was different, and in a good way when I let go. He also said that his heart changed when I quit making our situation all about me, my circumstances, and my pain. And as soon as I quit doing that, he softened even more. So I hope my husband’s perspective is helpful to you. A, just give it all to God; let SNO go. God has His arms wide open; just waiting for you to give it all to Him. I promise you (based on my personal experience) that you will be so glad that you did. My prayers are with you!! God Bless!!
   Response by Linda Wattu on December 3rd, 2008 at 10:37 pm
   I just wanted to let you all know that A and I have talked and she really does appreciate how all of you have tried to encourage her not to feel bad or “picked on”, and so do I! That’s what I love so much about all of you; you have the warmest and kindest hearts of any group of men and women imaginable! And I know you will want to know that A is fine and she does understand the point I was trying to make and confirmed that the Lord was already trying to speak to her about it, but she has just had a difficult time breaking some of the patterns she’s slipped into. But she’s really going to be working on it and we are going to make a more concerted effort to get around some of the issues that make it so difficult for us to talk to each other by phone. And even though it might seem “bad”, A realizes that she has missed a lot of very positive signs because of her pain and confusion; but we know God is going to help her get past all of that and learn a better way of doing things! And that means we should start seeing some really great praise reports from her soon; I told her that when she changes her attitude, everything around her will change so fast that she won’t be able to even believe it! So let’s keep her in our prayers, especially since she’s dealing with all of those extra “pregnancy” hormones. Her little girl will be delivered by c-section on January 13th. And I’m expecting things to be a LOT better between her and SNO by then; he will see the change in her and be drawn to that like flies to honey!

   Yes, Ian, I knew I was pushing some of those emotional buttons, but you are right in that I only want to encourage you and I know that we have to live by what Jesus taught about knowing the truth setting us free (John 832-33, I think). The problem with too many Christian leaders today is that they are so concerned with being popular or liked that they won’t put ALL of their faith and confidence in the power and promise of God’s Word, and the one thing I know if NOTHING else is that without that, I and we have NOTHING! That’s the key to all that we stand and long for and the DOING of it is the ONLY way we will ever have all Jesus came and died to give us. And I think that’s why Jesus warned us that the only way to follow Him is to take up our cross daily…and, yes, that hurts. But as we discussed yesterday…no pain, no gain! So just think of the gain you have coming your way! And I think it was very sweet and endearing the way you wanted to come to A’s rescue and help make her feel better; that’s a true father’s and husband’s heart and the day will come when SNO will see and appreciate that! THANKS!

   A, don’t forget to watch Charles Stanley’s message about a Thankful Heart; it’s REAL important! Love Ya, Girl!!!
   Response by Eileen on December 3rd, 2008 at 11:00 pm
   A, One thing is for certain, Linda and all of us love you and praise God, ALL of us get the correction we need, as EVERYTHING in this ministry is done strictly by the WORD OF GOD! A, you love the Lord and ALL things will work together for your good! Keep the faith, believe and expect great things to happen. GOD is working on your behalf. Hold your head up high and stand strong! Love, Eileen
   Response by Laurie on December 3rd, 2008 at 11:17 pm
   A, I want to be honest and let you know that I had to reread your post a few times because it was so confusing to me. The part about you saying he would send someone out to meet you. When it was you who told him to send someone. Then to find out he was waiting and then upset and crying when you didn’t come. And you said you better get outta there because he was upset. I thought it was a typing error. I finally decided that I would just read the responses and then Linda cleared that up for me.

   The reason I am saying this is because I was so confused about what was really going on. But I want you to know and feel comfort in knowing that I felt that SNO was missing you and CNO and excited about seeing you. I felt that throughout the post; it was like I was reading 2 very different stories. But I also want you to know that I was also the queen of victims for most of my adult life. The night of my restoration (right before SNO said he wanted to come home), I told him that a few days earlier, while I was walking, God revealed something to me. I always thought that if I stayed a victim that my husband would never leave me because I was too fragile. But God revealed to me that that is part of WHY SNO left me. I told him that I now understood that he wanted a strong wife who wasn’t so dependent on her husband for everything, even for supplying her with her own happiness. Once SNO moved out, I learned to be more dependent on God; to go to God in prayer and ask him to help me. When I told SNO that, he started to cry because it was true. It was like the blinders fell off my eyes and SNO was so relieved. It was right after that that he asked if he could move back home!

   Linda is right; she tells it like it is. There are times I really need to talk to her and I know I’m gonna hear it and probably not like it, but I call because I really need it…you know; that kick in the pants. And it works! That is what I love about her; she doesn’t tell us what we WANT to hear, but what we NEED to hear. And we learn so much from that. Love ya, Linda! So, A, we love you and like I said; I’ve been there and sometimes still find myself there, but I am learning how to cut it off and trying to a lot sooner; before it gets a hold of me. Thanks for letting Linda speak to all of us through your post. I have learned so much from this and I know it has helped many others. Bless you and love you, Laurie
   Response by Thursa on December 4th, 2008 at 12:01 am
   Wow! A, thank you for posting! And thank you for allowing your testimony to be used to benefit many of us! As I read your post, I was thinking about alot of the leaning on your own understanding that was going on. I could see alot of things that I had done and many times still do. Then reading Linda’s response, I could really see some areas that God has been trying to show me; which Linda has also been trying to show me. I just wasn’t getting it though. But reading it all here has given me many things to think and pray about. I just appreciate that you posted and that your post, Linda’s response and the testimony of it all will be used to help many of us! God will be faithful to work it all out for our good and it is our testimonies that will defeat Satan!!! Keep your eyes focused on Him and become the Victor in Christ that you already are!!!

   Linda, thanks so very much for posting and responding in the way you did! You are a blessing!
   Response by Kelli on December 4th, 2008 at 12:26 am
   Hi A, I know that I am jumping into this kind of late and I know you have already received some very good insight. I just wanted to throw one more thing out there. Even though she is only three years old, please don’t underestimate the power of God to use little CNO to speak to you or SNO. Keep your head up, stay strong and keep moving forward – we are all learning! God Bless!!
   Response by Sharon on December 4th, 2008 at 12:33 am
   A, I can definitely relate to this post. I think one of the things that make this ministry so special is that we know that Linda will minister (correct) us only by using the word of God, and will always do it in love. Your post and Linda’s response has helped so many others, and we can all learn from each other. Reading this reminded me of Jeremiah 29:11, which says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. The counsel that we receive from Linda is not to harm us, but to give us a future and hope, based on scripture. Your husband loves you; hold on to that…
   Response by Melissa in Pennsylvania on December 4th, 2008 at 1:03 am
   A, I had wanted to respond earlier, but didn’t get time until now. You know we all love you, and I am glad that you understand what Linda and others were saying. Sweetie, I think most of us here are guilty of having the same victim mentality a time or two. It’s that natural fleshly body that we have, but the Spirit can overcome all of that! I can definitely tell you that when you truly have that change in you with all of the peace, you will just shine brightly before others, including SNO. I really credit that change in me to God drawing my husband back home. Remember, we have to change first, and then God goes to work on the other side. It is often the change in our attitudes that just seems to spark something in our spouses that they can’t resist.

   I know you have a lot on your plate with the pregnancy and all, but none of it came as a surprise to God. Remember that it is God who has the final word and He already gave you a glimpse of what He would do; and He will complete His work. Having confidence by KNOWING that your situation is only temporary and KNOWING that God has everything under control and that YOU WILL have a restored marriage testimony can help take that “woe is me” attitude and turn it around. I know good things are coming your way, and the enemy was trying to deceive you into believing things about SNO and your marriage that are not true and giving you a victim identity. Satan is a liar, and he has just been stopped in his tracks; your eyes are fully open now, and you are looking at yourself as God sees you-a VICTOR not a victim! Take care, A, and God bless you! Love ya, Melissa
   Response by Melissa in Pennsylvania on December 4th, 2008 at 1:09 am
   I just wanted to add something else. Remember when I said that the changes in you will shine to everyone? Well, Dani’s post from November 22nd, Thanking and Praising God for Changing My Heart, just popped into my mind because it is such a great example of how we just seem to catch peoples attention with our new glow. As you read it, I think you will be encouraged, so even though it is a short post, it’s definitely worth taking a look at!
   Response by Cindy in South Dakota on December 4th, 2008 at 6:36 am
   Good morning. Well, I might as well jump in, too. Thankfully, when someone writes a post, if we are leaning on the Lord and pressing hard into Him, we are able to read what was said and apply it to our own situations; just like Thursa mentioned.

   A, I did just as your post reflected for a long time because of my pain and confusion, but Praise be to God, He brings us out whether we start realizing it on our own or with help from someone He sends our way. Linda mentioned blessings in her SOF and I don’t know if someone has mentioned Deuteronomy 28-29, but BEHOLD the Lord’s promises in 28! Part of 28 was read in my prayer group last night and I couldn’t wait to read them so that is what I am doing this morning. All of this has encouraged me and it’s so great when we can examine ourselves and take a step forward in the Lord.

   A, be encouraged! You are learning. We all are. God is working and obviously He is working on your husband as your post mentioned. Believe and place your trust in Him and walk out what He is teaching you. God bless you!

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