One of the greatest challenges facing many men and women standing for marriage restoration this Christmas, especially if it’s the first holiday season since marital separation, is finding and really experiencing true joy. So if you’re not experiencing joy this Christmas season, I hope and pray this message brings a certain measure of comfort, encouragement, hope and joy. Even though I know it’s difficult not to focus on all that’s missing this Christmas instead of all you have to be thankful for, and even though it’s easy to give way to the thoughts of abandonment, loneliness and loss the devil brings to steal, kill and destroy, it’s important to know that there is another choice! And with the grace and strength of the Lord, you can make the better and wiser choice, which is to learn where and how to find and experience joy that comes only from being in right relationship with Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

First, we have to understand what brings joy to us as Christians, as well as what keeps us from finding and experiencing the joy of our salvation; our strength according to Nehemiah 8:10,which says Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” The problem is that we insist on looking for our joy and happiness in all the wrong places, which won’t EVER work. Jesus gave us a perfect illustration of that in Matthew 13:44, when He said “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. And then Romans 14:17 even says For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, Yet, we keep looking to our spouses and the restoration of our marriages to find everything we’re looking for, which can’t and wont ever bring us the joy and happiness we so desperately seek unless we are willing to give it all up for the Lord. And the sad truth is that most of us tend to look to the Lord for what we think He will give us; namely the restoration of our marriages, and without much thought of giving up ANYTHING for Him; much less giving up EVERYTHING for Him! Yet, in Mark 10:29-30, we have this awesome promise: “I tell you the truth,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life. So Jesus never promised us that standing on the power and promise of His Word for the restoration of our marriages and families would be a walk in the park, but He does promise that if we’ll give it all up to follow Him, which means DOING things HIS way and for HIS glory, we’ll get it all back one hundred fold! And the marriage restorations we’ve been honored and blessed to witness in our midst certainly prove that!

So when we’re missing the joy we should have as Christians, the first step to finding and experiencing it is to put our relationship with Jesus FIRST, which is why Matthew 6:32-33 tells us For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. And then we have God’s Word and promise in Psalm 37:4 telling us Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. And even though jealousy is one aspect of God’s character we don’t hear much about, these verses are in perfect keeping with the warning given in Exodus 34:14, which says Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God. And then Deuteronomy 4:24 even says For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God. So when we look back at our marriages and even examine our priorities now, we can probably see how we got into trouble–because most of us have been guilty and perhaps still are guilty of putting our spouses and marriages or even the restoration of our marriages before God. God will have no part in that, and He knows our hearts. So we may be able to fool those around us and even ourselves, but we can NOT fool God; for as Psalm 44:20-21 says, If we had forgotten the name of our God or spread out our hands to a foreign god, would not God have discovered it, since he knows the secrets of the heart?

By studying and considering the following verses, we can better understand the joy we should have in Christ:

John 15:10-12 – If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.
What a powerful passage! If we are obedient to the Word of God, we remain in the love of Christ and OUR joy is made complete! And what did He tell us to do? Love others as He loves us! And there’s no doubt that the love of Christ is a very sacrificial love, which means God expects us to put the needs and interests of our spouses and others before our own needs and interests.

John 16:24 – Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.
How sad it is that we so often resort to so many things before it ever occurs to us to simply ask for what we want or need in the name of Jesus! Yet, that’s when He said our joy will be made complete! And what a lot of trouble and heartache we could avoid if we’d just believe that and learn to put it into practice!

Acts 2:28 – You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.’
There’s no greater joy known to us than when we are in the presence of the Lord. Yet, instead of seeking the path His Word clearly gives us for our lives, we seek the counsel of others and so often miss out on the power of just being still in His presence and KNOWING that He is God!

Romans 15:13 – May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
There’s no greater hope than the hope we have in Jesus Christ! And when we rely on the power of the Holy Spirit to work in our lives as we put our trust in the Lord, we WILL be filled with peace and joy that surpasses anything man could ever understand or explain!

2 Corinthians 8:2 – Out of the most severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity.
No matter how bad our circumstances are, when we have the peace and joy found only in the Lord, we can look beyond our own circumstances to the needs of others and find even more joy when we help meet them!

Galatians 5:22-23 – But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
It’s very important to know that we WILL experience all of this when we are in right relationship with the Lord and the power of the Holy Spirit is at work within us. So when we are not, we know something is wrong and that we need to ask the Lord to help us get back in right relationship with Him so the fruit of His Spirit can be at work in and through us.

1 Peter 1:6-9 – In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
So instead of feeling abandoned by the Lord when we find ourselves in trying times, we need to understand that God Almighty has a purpose in it all, and that it is ultimately for the praise, honor and glory of Jesus Christ. And when we put our faith and trust in Him and love Him, even when we can’t see what He’s doing, we can experience true joy as we rest in the confidence we have that He will complete the good work He’s begun in us and in the restoration of our marriages and families, which will all be for His glory!

Nehemiah 8:12 – Then all the people went away to eat and drink, to send portions of food and to celebrate with great joy, because they now understood the words that had been made known to them.
There is such joy when we truly understand the Word of God, because it comes with power and grace and anointing that we just don’t get any other way!

Psalm 5:11 – But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.
When we take refuge in the Lord and rejoice in His name, we will have His protection and be filled with inexplicable joy! So instead of looking to others when we need comfort and protection, we need to learn to turn to the Lord and put our trust in Him.

Psalm 19:8 – The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes.
This is another reminder of the joy we can find only when we put the Word of God into practice in our lives and rely on it to show us the way God wants us to go.

Psalm 21:6 – Surely you have granted him eternal blessings and made him glad with the joy of your presence.
And this is another reminder of the joy we find just by being in the presence of the Lord!

Psalm 28:7 – The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.
There’s nothing better we can do than rely on the Lord for our strength and shield in times of trouble and need and when we put our trust in Him, we will know joy even in the most difficult of all circumstances and situations. God is ALWAYS there to help us when we just call on Him!

Psalm 90:14 – Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
When we truly learn to rest in the unfailing love of God, we will know everlasting joy and gladness beyond our ability to comprehend and express!

Psalm 92:4 – For you make me glad by your deeds, O LORD; I sing for joy at the works of your hands.
When we consider all we have seen the hand or the Lord do, we can’t help feeling abundant joy! And the good news is that what we’ve seen Him do for one, He will do for all! So when we get discouraged, we just need to consider all the wonderful things we know He’s done for us in the past and all the miracles we know He’s done for others as well! That’s why the Word of our testimony is so powerful to overcome the works of the devil!

Psalm 97:11 – Light is shed upon the righteous and joy on the upright in heart.
When we remain righteous and upright in all circumstances and no matter what is going on around us or what others do to us, the Lord will continue to bless us with joy!

Psalm 119:111-112 – Your statutes are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart. My heart is set on keeping your decrees to the very end.
This is such an important reminder that we have to have an unwavering commitment to keep God’s Word; to walk in His ways; to trust Him with all of our hearts and acknowledge Him in all of our ways! Knowing His word without DOING His Word makes it powerless to bring about God’s desired purpose in our lives, but when we walk in its power, we will be filled with joy!

Psalm 126:3 – The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.
This is just another reminder to keep our eyes on the power and work of the Lord and the great things He has done! We have nothing to fear and nothing to worry about, because we have seen how the Lord works and that He is ALWAYS faithful to keep His promises and uphold His Word!

Psalm 126:6 – He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of Joy carrying sheaves with him.
I love this verse! Even when we are sad and in the midst of our own trials, we can be used by the Lord to sow seeds of His love and goodness in the lives of others, and when we are faithful to HIS cause and concerned about sowing seeds for HIS glory, we are the ones who return with JOY and a harvest!!!

Proverbs 12:20 – There is deceit in the hearts of those who plot evil, but joy for those who promote peace.
This is SO important, because we all have many opportunities to choose between returning evil for evil or to promote peace. And when we choose to promote and seek peace instead of responding in kind when others hurt or disappoint us, we will be blessed with joy and great reward, because that usually requires humility, and when we humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God, HE WILL LIFT US UP IN DUE TIME!

Proverbs 15:30 – A cheerful look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones.
It’s SO important for everyone standing for marriage restoration and prone to depression and self pity to remember this verse! No one wants to be around miserable people, yet that is all our spouses often see when they are around us! What a difference it would make if we’d put a smile on our faces and start speaking life giving words; words of praise, edification and encouragement instead of the woe is me scenario our spouses have grown so used to, and of which they are no doubt so weary!

Isaiah 49:13 – Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.
We all need to take this verse to heart and BELIEVE it and EXPECT it! God is not a liar and His Word NEVER returns void! He will comfort us and He will have compassion on us! So sing and shout for joy; this trying time just came to pass! And when it passes, our marriages and families WILL BE RESTORED for the glory of the Lord!

Jeremiah 15:16 – When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart’s delight, for I bear your name, O LORD God Almighty.
When we love the Lord Jesus, we HAVE to eat His Word. After all, Jesus told us that we do not live by bread alone, but by EVERY Word that proceeds from the mouth of God! When we know and understand the Word of God, our joy will indeed be made complete, because we will be fully able to stand in boldness and with total confidence in its power and on every promise it holds!

Obviously, there’s an awful lot to learn about finding and experiencing joy when we study and meditate on the above passages of scripture, especially that we will find joy simply by being in the presence of the Lord and that there is great joy in knowing and understanding and obeying His Word. And when we study God’s Word, one thing that becomes very clear is that the best way to find JOY in Jesus Christ is to remember to put things in the right order; Jesus first, then others, and yourself last. And that’s all very neatly wrapped up for us in Matthew 22:36-40, which says “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: ” ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Unfortunately, most of us fall far short of this powerful, yet simple commandment, which is most likely why we have trouble finding and experiencing joy this Christmas season. We tend to be a lot more focused on what we want and need and how we feel and what we’re missing to ever give much serious thought to how our spouses feel and what they want and need. When their need and what they want is something we can’t understand and something that makes no sense to us, we tend to just dismiss it as wrong or unreasonable. Yet, whether it’s right or wrong and whether or not we understand it or like it or not; that is their reality and until we learn to deal with them and interact with them on that basis, we are just making our situations worse. That’s why the one thing the Bible tells us to do when our spouses want to leave is to let them depart and to live in peace. And until we learn to do that, which is the FIRST step to the full and complete restoration of our marriages, we shouldn’t be surprised when we don’t get anywhere or see changes indicating that the Lord is at work on our behalf. He has work to do in us first, and that work begins with our obedience and putting our faith, confidence and trust in Him and His Word, which means DOING what He tells us to do and trusting Him with the results! So we may need to go back to the basics and learn to practice letting our spouses go; which means not calling them and giving them the peace and quiet they need to hear the Lord when He begins talking to them. And we have to stop trying to keep them out of the pig pens of life they may well be headed for because they aren’t likely to get a belly full of the consequences of their bad choices unless they get there. God has to be the one to change their hearts and to deal with their mistakes and sin; our part is to draw into closer relationship with Him so that we are able through His grace and strength to forgive and make possible the atmosphere of grace that will be necessary for redemption and restoration when our spouses are ready. And if we’re really honest, most of us have to admit that we have everything turned totally upside-down, because we tend to put ourselves first, and then our spouses and others, and then the Lord last. So it’s no wonder we can’t find and experience the joy that comes ONLY when we have things in the right order, which means putting the Lord first, then our spouses and others, and ourselves last. So instead of feeling sorry for yourself this Christmas and focusing on everything you are missing, do something for someone else, even if it’s a total stranger. Do something just to put a smile on someone’s face and know that the Lord is watching and He is pleased and that you will have a reward in heaven in addition to the unexpected joy you will experience when you take your focus off of yourself long enough to bless someone else this Christmas!

God loves you so much and His plans for you are for good, and He WILL restore your marriage and family, but only when you get things in the proper order and put Him first. He is a jealous God, but He is also a faithful God, and His blessings and favor are never ending and beyond comprehension when we are in right relationship with Him. Then we can rely on His awesome promise in Psalm 84:11, which says For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. So when you put Jesus first in your life and love your spouse and others as you love yourself, God will not withhold any good thing from you, and that’s all He wants before restoring your marriage and family. So that should be your goal as we head into the season of making new commitments and resolutions; resolve to put God first in your heart, mind and soul, then to care about and put the needs and interests of your spouse and others above your own.

Merry Christmas and may the Lord’s peace and joy abound in your heart and life in the coming days and New Year!

Posted Monday, December 24th, 2007 at 8:53 pm in Seeds Of Faith.