With the addition of a lot of new members to the FAM family recently, this is probably a good time to review what the Bible teaches about letting our spouses go when they want to leave; beginning with understanding the wisdom and instruction provided in 1 Corinthians 7:15 (NKJV), which says But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. But it’s very important to read the entire chapter of 1 Corinthians 7 (NKJV) to fully understand the context of this verse and what Paul acknowledged as his personal opinion about marriage, which he considered a hindrance to serving the Lord.

Most of us don’t REALLY understand what letting our spouses go means, much less HOW to do it. But letting our spouses go (or depart)means releasing them to do whatever they’re going to do; no matter how sinful, no matter how stupid, no matter how much it hurts, no matter how dangerous, no matter how wrong, and no matter what. Letting them go means we don’t have to know, understand or feel responsible for what they’re doing, what they’re thinking, how they’re feeling, who they’re talking to and even the things they’re NOT doing…the consequences…nothing. We don’t have to know or “fix” anything, because we know God knows it all and He can handle it all. He’s in control and he just wants us to release them to Him and trust and KNOW that He IS doing what He promises us He will do. And we do NOT have to know when, where, how, or even what He’s doing. For most of us, the only way to let our spouses go AND live in peace is to release and totally give up EVERY expectation we have concerning them, even though that’s probably the most difficult challenge of all. However, it IS what the Lord wants us to do, and it is a VERY significant part of acknowledging Him in all our ways. God’s plan just doesn’t work without working the plan as it is written in His word. All He asks us to do is stand in the gap for our spouses with faith and unending prayers, and when the perfect time arrives, HE WILL MOVE. But not until then, and if we’re at all wise, we wouldn’t want it any other way. But there’s no doubt that releasing our spouses and living in peace means DOING exactly what Proverbs 3:5-6 says, which is Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. And as we trust the Lord and concentrate on doing things HIS way, we can rely on His word in Psalm 37:5-6, which promises Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Since every man and woman standing for marriage restoration knows all about feeling totally powerless to change our spouses or what they’re doing, we should take great comfort from the above verses and do our very best to walk them out in our lives each day, because God is not a liar! In fact, Hebrews 6:17-20 tells us Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it with an oath. God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek. So the very best place for us to be is where we finally understand and accept that we can NOT do anything to change our marital circumstances and that the ONLY hope we have is in Jesus and the way HE has ALREADY made for the restoration of our marriages. So we’re in the right and very best place when we understand and rely on Psalm 62:1-2, which says My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. When we stand in faith and obedience, God WILL meet every need and He will be faithful to fulfill every promise found in His word, just as Isaiah 55:9-13 says:
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
12 You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the LORD’s renown, for an everlasting sign, which will not be destroyed.”

Proverbs 8:34 (NKJV) says Blessed is the man who listens to me, Watching daily at my gates, Waiting at the posts of my doors., which reminds me of the father of the prodigal son. So instead of focusing so much on the prodigal son and what he did and what happened to him, everyone standing for marriage restoration should be a whole lot more focused on the father and what he did, AND WHAT HE DID NOT DO, because this is one of the best examples in the Bible of what it really means to let our spouses go and live in peace. So we need to read and meditate on The Parable Of The Lost Son, more commonly referred to as the prodigal son, and why our spouses are so often referred to as prodigals. There’s no doubt that father was totally devastated and that his heart was broken when his rebellious, disrespectful and ungrateful son in effect said that he wished he was dead so he could get his inheritance. And there’s no doubt that after letting his son go into the unknown dangers of the lifestyle he wanted to partake of and waste his fortune on, he made peace with his pain and disappointment, and overcame his fear by devoting himself to prayer, putting all of his faith in the Lord to protect and return his son. That’s why as men and women standing for marriage restoration, we must faithfully do what Colossians 4:2 instructs us to do, which is Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.

When studying what God means by asking us to let our spouses go, it’s important to know that the Greek word interpreted as “bondage” (or “bound” in the NIV) in the original text of 1 Corinthians 7:15 is “DOULOO”, which means slavery, and the same word used in Acts 7:6, which says God spoke to him in this way: ‘Your descendants will be strangers in a country not their own, and they will be enslaved and mistreated four hundred years. And that’s also the same word used in 2 Peter 2:19, which says They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity—for a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him. Yet, in 1 Corinthians 7:39, where Paul said A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord., he used the Greek word “DEO”, which means mutual commitment or agreement, as by contract. And that’s the same word he used again in Romans 7:2-3, which says For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man. So it is not reasonable to interpret 1 Corinthians 7:15 to mean that if an unbelieving spouse (not necessarily unsaved) leaves or departs, the other spouse is free to remarry. And since God ALWAYS calls us to live in peace, we can’t infer a special interpretation in this context, because the same thing is seen in many other verses, such as Romans 12:18, which says If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Furthermore, rejecting such an interpretation is also consistent with the instructions given to wives in 1 Peter 3:1-2, which says Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. And that makes even more sense since 1 Corinthians 7:16 asks how we know whether we will save our husbands or wives, and many men and women with restored marriages say that it was the unexplainable peace they observed in their spouses that first drew them back to their homes. And even if we can’t necessarily explain why this verse says that we’re not bound in such circumstances, it can NOT mean something totally contrary to what so many other verses say, especially since Paul did NOT use the Greek word DEO. Perhaps it is just simply a statement of the obvious, which is that while our spouses are away from home, we’re not bound in terms of performing our daily duties and responsibilities as husbands and wives, which makes us free to focus on other things that glorify the Lord instead. That especially makes a lot of sense when considered in the context of how strongly Paul states his own opinion that married people can’t serve the Lord with the same level of faithfulness and commitment of those without the responsibilities and concerns of marriage. So Paul obviously considered marriage as a type of bondage or slavery.

Even though we might not understand it, there is no doubt that the Lord expects us to release our spouses and let them go when they want to leave because they don’t believe in the sanctity of our marriage vows. And, yes, He does know how difficult that is, but He requires it just the same. And that means not trying to stop them by putting up roadblocks and holding onto them, or by trying to make them feel guilty or pay for their sin, short comings and failures. That’s the role of the Holy Spirit and He doesn’t need our help. Our role is to always show respect, honor and unconditional love for our spouses, even if they’re not doing anything to deserve it. And we can’t claim to love our spouses if we’re not willing to cover a multitude of sin, and cover over their wrongs and their offenses. In other words, if we love our spouses, the Bible tells us to COVER their nakedness, and not to uncover it by exposing their sin and failures to others, which is a big part of letting them go. The conviction and consequences for unfaithful spouses must come from the Lord and NOT us and we do a great deal of damage to the restoration process if we fail to understand that. God calls us to be spouses of noble character and when we are, we will give our spouses reason to one day say that we are worth far more than rubies and that they have full confidence in us and lack nothing of value. And let’s be sure to bring our spouses good, and not harm, all the days of our lives (Proverbs 31:10-12. And when we let our spouses go and trust and obey god, we will most definitely be blessed and encouraged!

Posted Wednesday, February 13th, 2008 at 11:55 pm in Seeds Of Faith.