Is our Restoration Hindered By Self-Pity? – by Dan Spitz
Do we really want our marriages healed and restored? Or are we comfortable in the pain and suffering we have endured? Do we thrive on the attention our marital situation has brought about? Hopefully, the answers are “Yes!” And “Of course not!” I pray that we have not gotten used to living with our problems; always expecting the worse case scenario and a total lack of peace and joy, or even doubting that God will intervene in our situations.
To overcome our problems, we must want things to change. We must not blame others (including unfaithful spouses) for our circumstances, which is easy to do, and we must take responsibility for our predicament instead. We do that by acknowledging our part in our marital problems; examining and confessing our own sin and mistakes; repenting with a commitment not to continue doing the same things that got us in trouble in the first place; asking God to reveal to us how we need to change; and then seeking His wisdom for a better understanding of His Word to get where He wants us to be.
Finally, we must trust and obey our God. Even if it doesn’t always make sense to us, we must obey the Lord. As we do, new life and strength will begin to flow into our hurting marriages and our chaotic lives. God’s desire for us is not to struggle and remain in the same place endlessly, but to grow and mature in Him. We must do our part though.
In John 5 we see a man who has struggled with illness most of his life. Jesus asked him, “Do you want to be made well?” Why would He ask such a question? Why would anyone ask us if we want our marriage to be healed and restored, when that is our utmost desire? Maybe it’s because our actions; such as our lack of faith, lack of trust, and lack of obedience are more apparent than we realize. Perhaps we demonstrate self-pity and fail to take everything to the Lord as we should. So we have to search our hearts, to make sure we are not preventing God from working on our behalf, because of self-indulgence in suffering. It is so easy to get caught up in self-righteous behavior and self-pity, and actually allow that to become our identity, which Satan will certainly aid us in doing.
The good news is that God will answer our prayers if we really want and desire His will for our lives. The FAM ministry is built on believing God’s Word for the restoration and healing of our relationship with Him and our marriages, and I have found so much strength in Linda and the fellowship members, because they inspire and encourage me every day to believe, trust, and have faith and confidence in God. And that’s easy to do when we see His mighty work and intervention in at least one of our situations every day. So while reading a daily devotion, I was reminded to check myself to make sure I was not resisting or interfering with the healing of my marriage by nurturing or indulging in self-pity of any kind in my life, and that’s something we all need to do from time to time. We really should be blessed and encouraged just to know what God wants and will do for us!!
Lord, let us come to You with openness and pour out our hearts. Reveal to us Your truth so we can get into right relationship with You. We know we are not perfect and that we are sinners, so help us escape any plans the devil has to keep us away from You. Let our desire be for Your will, and saturate us with the knowledge and wisdom needed to understand Your Word so we can truly follow You. We want to be healed; to be soaked in the healing waters of Your love and be made complete in You. We praise You and glorify You for being so faithful to us and for being patient as we grow in our maturity and relationship with You. Lift us up that we may be all You want us to be.
And don’t let us be held back by anything of the flesh, so we may find all that we need in You. In Your Precious Son’s Name, Amen
John 5:2-8 (NLT)
2 Inside the city, near the Sheep Gate, was the pool of Bethesda, with five covered porches. 3 Crowds of sick people—blind, lame, or paralyzed—lay on the porches.
5 One of the men lying there had been sick for thirty-eight years.
6 When Jesus saw him and knew he had been ill for a long time, he asked him, “Would you like to get well?”
7 “I can’t, sir,” the sick man said, “for I have no one to put me into the pool when the water bubbles up. Someone else always gets there ahead of me.”
8 Jesus told him, “Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk!”
Dan, you just keep giving us such great posts. Thanks for this reminder to make sure every day to ask God to show us our own hearts and to cleanse anything that is not of HIM; to take the plank out of our own eye before telling someone else, spouses included, to shape up. Instead of telling them anything, we need to just look at what God wants to do in us and HE will deal with them. Stay encouraged, Dan, I stand with you and God will bring this all to pass. He will turn our mourning into rejoicing and the pain will all be covered. Thank you for these posts. They are great and really minister to me.I see so much self pity in people and they are miserable, and I don’t want that. Jesus died so we could have a good life; joy, peace and all that God has for us. Keep believing. Be blessed. Diane