Most of the regular visitors to our site are already familiar with Judy Rousseau’s awesome marriage restoration ministry, which includes daily email messages to and from what she calls her “Marriage Partners”, but anyone unfamiliar with her ministry can find out more about Judy, her restored marriage testimony and how to sign up to receive her encouraging messages at this link. And even though the messages are always great, I was so impressed with the wisdom and insight shared by some of the “partners” in messages from last week that I requested permission to share some of them here. I made some minor changes, but mostly just removing names to protect identity. So the following excerpts are a great example of what to expect when you sign up to receive Judy’s email messages, and I know all of us can benefit from and relate to the wisdom and insight they contain. So thank you Vic and Tom for allowing me to share your encouraging words with visitors to the FAM site, and I’d love to have both of you “chime in” by posting responses any time! And thank you Judy for your awesome ministry and the blessing and encouragement you are to all of us as we stand for our marriages! And here’s a link to Pel Ministries, where you can read or download the book about prayer referred to in the following messages.

Here’s a message from Vic in Indiana:

Hi everybody. I haven’t been able to write to this group in quite awhile. For those of you who may not know me I’m Vic in Indiana. (Vickie but I go by Vic to my friends. Just thought I would clarify that as I saw that there is another Vic in this group now who is a he and I am a she). I have been standing for my marriage for almost 7 years.

I just had a couple of things that I wanted to respond to. I know that Glinda wrote yesterday to say that she had decided not to send the letter she had written, I still wanted to respond to the idea of writing to or speaking to the adulterous woman. There are a couple of scriptures that come to mind.

“Such is the way of an adulterous woman; she eats, wipes her mouth, and says, `I have done nothing wrong’.” Proverbs 30:20 In other words, she doesn’t care. She doesn’t care what this is doing to others, she doesn’t care who she is hurting. And our appeals to try and get her to care will probably not make any difference to her. She will only say `I have done nothing wrong’. Also, she is opposed to you and will be opposed to anything that you do or say and will find any way she can to make you look wrong in what you have done no matter what your intentions were. Everything you do and say will be perceived by her as merely an attempt to beat her and win your husband back. She has set her heart in such opposition to you that she will not receive anything coming from you but will reject it precisely because it comes from you.” I did not come with sublimity of words or of wisdom…and my message and my proclamation were not with persuasive [words of] wisdom, but with a demonstration of spirit and power so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom but on the power of God.” 1 Cor 2:1,4-5 I have found through experience that my “contact” with the woman my husband is with is more a matter of praying for her then in speaking to her with persuasive words of wisdom, and through the quiet testimony of my example as a woman and a wife who has allowed Christ into my life. These things can be much more powerful than any of my attempts to persuade or convict. I will tell you that I have felt, on occasion, led to write to this woman, the last time being about 5 years ago and frankly I got no response from her, nor did my husband respond to me. But you know what? A couple of months ago I had contact with my husband and this woman at my mother-in-law’s funeral and this time I only gave quiet witness to who I was in Christ and ever since then my husband has responded to me in more positive ways. We must remember what our goal is here.

Our goal is not to break them up but to reconcile with our husbands. She may be as bitter as wormwood but if I am bitter also in anger or willing to stir up conflict with my words then what incentive have I given my husband to choose me over her. Seems to me that in his eyes it is 6 of one and half a dozen of another. It seems to me that I am better served in looking to my behavior rather than hers and letting the Lord open my husband’s eyes to that contrast. “Then you will again see the distinction between the just and the wicked. Between him who serves God, and him who does not serve him” Mal 3:18 Finally, as has already been said “For our struggle is not with flesh and blood but with the principalities, with the powers, with the world rulers of this present darkness, with the evil spirits in the heavens” Eph 6:12 Really, she is not your problem. All of us think at one time or another that if we could just stop these relationships, if we can persuade these women to give up that our husbands will then return to us But as long as our husbands are hardened and determined in sin it really doesn’t matter if we get rid of this woman or not. There have been many standers who have been successful at breaking up the adulterous relationship or have seen the relationship break on its own, only to have their husbands find yet another woman without returning or who they have remained hard-hearted and not returned regardless of whether they were with someone or not, or the husband has returned home through default but remains hard hearted and there then remains a struggle with them within the home. While it is true that the adulterous woman exercises an extreme amount of control and influence through manipulation and intimidation and we may recognize that, we cannot allow that to lead us to believe that removing our husbands from this influence is our solution because it is often that this is not so. I am of the belief that an adulterous relationship is inevitably built to destroy itself sooner or later. “The Lord is revealed in this divine rule; by the deeds they do the wicked are trapped. Ps 9:17(NAB) I believe that God has so created things so that the wicked punish themselves by the very things they do, “The rain fell, the floods came, and winds blew and buffeted the house. And it collapsed and was completely ruined” Mat 7:27 All houses built on the sand of adultery are inevitably subject to this collapse. I feel that I am better served in my marriage by preparing myself and my heart to receive my husband when this relationship inevitably runs its course, rather than try to bring about the end to a relationship that will destroy itself anyway. And my marriage is best served in spending that time as I wait making sure that this house is set solidly on rock (Mt 7:24-25)

I would suggest that you read 2 Chronicles 20:1-30. To me this is a tremendous example of how to let the Lord fight our battles for us and there are many aspects of this story that can be applied directly to our situations most of the time. After you have read the chapter, I would like to direct your attention to these verses “They sang; `Give thanks to the Lord, for his mercy endures forever’. At the moment they began their jubilant hymn, the Lord laid an ambush against the Ammonites, Moabites, and those of Mount Seir who were coming against Judah, so that they were vanquished. For the Ammonites and Moabites set upon the inhabitants of Mount Seir and completely exterminated them. And when they had finished with inhabitants of Seir, they began to destroy each other. When Judah came to the watchtower of the desert and looked toward the throng, they saw only corpses fallen on the ground with no survivors.” Though there are many important keys in this entire chapter, these verses in particular have caused me to contemplate what would have happened to Judah had they decided to `help’ the Lord by entering into the battle. The first thing I realized is that the ambush was not set until the moment they took their stands and began to praise.

If they had entered into the battle rather than praising the Lord for the battle that He was going to win for them, the ambush would not have even been laid in the first place. The other interesting thing is that the enemy destroyed themselves and that there were no survivors. If Judah had entered the battle would they too not have been caught up in this force of destruction with no one surviving? I believe that this would have been so. I know that each and every one of us have felt at one time or another that urge to do something, anything that might help change things but we have to acknowledge that we are powerless (2 Chron 20:12) and all of our attempts to help things along, no matter how well intentioned, may only draw us into situations that are self-defeating. In so doing we often feed into the drama and conflict that the adulterous woman and our spouses seem to thrive on, feeding into what satan thrives on to be truthful.

I know there are times that the Lord does direct us to say or do something but it has been my experience that this is usually a matter of planting seeds rather than finding the solution to our circumstances or fighting or winning the battle. This is God’s gig as I call it. “for the battle is not yours but God’s”. We can remove the other person from this equation but if the hearts of our spouses have not changed and if our hearts are not prepared to receive them, we will not have a marriage. Only God has the power to bring about the change of heart that is necessary here. Once our spouses have been brought to this change of heart and want to be reconciled to us the other person will not matter nor will they even factor into our spouse’s decision to return to us. Many will say that they did this thing or that and it worked. Many may say that the Lord even led them to do so therefore it was right. But I think in the end of this I would love to be able to say “I did everything that I could do, I did everything right and followed every direction that the Lord gave me but my husband did not come home, then the Lord moved in his heart and he did come home” …so that I may not boast in human wisdom or action at all but only in the power of God.

I would also like to respond to Kim. You know, a civil divorce does not mean that a marriage is over. Jesus said “So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate”. Our human courts must not divide what God has made one flesh. Though in our society we seek civil acknowledgment of our marriages by obtaining a license and having a civilly recognized minister witness to the vows, this is not what marries us. It is our vows that marry us and God witnessing to those vows in covenant that marries us and it is His covenant with the couple that causes us to become one flesh. If the civil courts wish to no longer acknowledge the license they issued or the witness they gave they can and if our spouses chooses to no longer acknowledge the vows they gave or the covenant they entered into they can. This is what happens in a civil divorce. But just because they have decided to deny it or not to acknowledge it doesn’t mean that it is no longer so. Scripture is quite clear that the covenants God witnesses to or that He enters into are everlasting. I have searched the scriptures and have not found any in which God failed to uphold a covenant or that He released a vow before it was fulfilled.. When a man makes a vow to the LORD or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but must do everything he said. Numbers If you make a vow to the LORD your God, do not be slow to pay it, for the LORD your God will certainly demand it of you and you will be guilty of sin. Deut 23:21

Be not hasty in your utterance and let not your heart be quick to make a promise in God’s presence. God is in heaven and you are on earth; therefore let your words be few…when you make a vow to God, delay not its fulfillment. For God has no pleasure in fools; fulfill what you have vowed. You had better not make a vow than make it and not fulfill it. Let not your utterances make you guilty, and say not before his representative, “It was a mistake” lest God be angered by such words and destroy the works of your hands. Rather, fear God!” Ecclesiastes 5:1,3-6.

Our spouses will be held to the vows that they made to us and to the covenant of our marriage “Because the Lord is witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have broken faith” Mal 2:14 By the same token, so will we. Our marriages are not over though we may have to tolerate the restrictions that our spouses and the civil courts are enforcing right now. But we are called to honor our vows and our covenant as well regardless of their acknowledgment of them or not and must ourselves acknowledge them by maintaining the attitude that our marriages remain.

Finally, I want to respond to Tom and say that I felt such a thrill go through me in reading his testimony of how his wife’s lawyer wanted to pray with him! I so love to hear of God moving like that out of nowhere without our having to do anything. That is what I call a praise. Thank you for sharing it, Tom.

So I guess I will stop for now. So good to be able to share with all of you again. Love-Vic

Dearest Vic, how wonderful to hear from you again. Another wisdom-anointed article I’ll likely refer to and quote again and again. We have so many new partners now who have never read any of the things that you’ve written so I’m pleased that today they will have that opportunity. From recent conversations with Eva, I understand that you have been so busy. How I praise the Lord for the gift He has given you and for your willingness to share that gift with us. Hope you can write again soon.

Here’s a message from Tom in Minnesota:

First I would like to thank everyone for their prayers for my marriage. Please keep praying that something occur in my wife’s life that she change her mind about divorce. In prayer last night I was told my time in the “wilderness” was nearing an end and was convicted of several sins from my past that I had never acknowledged before. He told me they were hindering my prayers, but if I repented and sought forgiveness He would do so. I have and feel much closer to Him as a result. I have Tricia to thank for that as well as you Judy for hosting this site. Tricia, your “Desert Beauty” entry blew me away.

I was deeply troubled all day yesterday after reading it and felt under intense attack over and over no matter how much I prayed. I would turn it over to Him, feel at peace briefly, then the severe uneasiness in my heart would return. I was exhausted by the time I got home. When I got home I spent a lot of time praying and rereading it because I knew God had something to say to me. What I learned was not only was I in the wilderness for the reasons your entry pointed out, but that I hadn’t been there for just the 11 weeks of my separation from my wife. I had been there for most of my 44 years! I just didn’t recognize it and like the Jewish people with Moses had been wandering the entire time. Sometimes getting close to getting out, but then turning back to the world rather than seeking Him more deeply.

One of my biggest sins was pride, at being a tough guy, 10 years active duty Army officer in combat zone, all that junk. Last night, shortly after beginning to pray I was crying like a baby. He was there though and within a couple of hours had shown me the sins I needed to repent of told me a little of His plan. My brokenness and my desert of last night brought me to the point I thought I was at weeks and weeks ago. It’s not punishment, it’s a necessary part of His plan for me. Its where I had to come to find Him, no matter the cost.

I have 2 books that I haven’t read yet. One I purchased quite a while ago, the other last week. I have many, many others that I have purchased in the last 11 weeks that I have read and really got a lot out of. Of the ones I have not read, every time I wanted to I felt that very uneasy feeling, an actual pain on my heart. I’ve learned this to be a communication from our Father that it is not time to take whatever action I’m thinking of, that I’m not ready. Every time I’ve listened to this “feeling” things have turned out for my good. Ignore them and go with my own worldly inclination and disaster follows. Even if it’s something simple and mundane.

Last night, towards the end of my much needed prayer time I asked Him about the books again. Should I read them? This time, peace. Yes was the answer. If what I’ve been hearing is right, this is my final preparation for restoration. Far from the battle being won, but a big step in the right direction. I know what kind of husband and step-father I will be because He will be there with me as my Counselor and Guide. No more wandering in the desert as far as my marriage goes. (As for future deserts, I know they’ll come, but I’ll be able to see the beauty through the pain.)

Why are these two books significant to me regarding marriage restoration? Easy to explain. All the other ones like “Waking the Dead” by John Eldredge were focusing on MY relationship and walk with God. Not my wife’s, not my marriage, just seeking Him for myself, to be more like Him. To have the Holy Spirit dwell in my heart and to have Jesus intercede with the Father for me. For me. What a thought! It’s been painful, but every time I stumbled He was there to show me why and pick me up. He never gave up on me and I know He never did in the past
either.

The book I bought last week is called “Stained Glass Marriage: Hope for Shattered Homes” by Dale and Jenna Forehand. I just started it and it’s heartbreaking. All I’ve read so far is their break up and the awful things they did to each other, especially those involving their children. But it’s a book of hope, they remarried and now lead marriage seminars, as the back of the book says “revealing how God can use the broken pieces of a shattered marriage to create a work of art – a stained glass marriage.” I’m sure more will be painfully revealed to me as I read and pray as to what I still need to do. He’s equipped me to handle it though. I wasn’t before because I was handling everything in my own strength.

The other book, the one I bought at least 6 weeks ago is by Dr. James Dobson. Its “What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women.” I’m reading that one last so it’s still fresh when restoration begins. I’ve really had a lot of anxiety over that book every time I look at it on the shelf because I wanted to read it so much. Now I know why, its going to have things I need to know to make a lasting difference, to be the husband my wife needs and deserves. But until now, He had other truths to teach me regarding my relationship with Him. I was not ready for this information because the foundation wasn’t laid yet. Not on the rock anyway, I was still on sand. I would not have learned from it. I know this without ever having read it or even checked out the names of chapters because I know myself. Instead of learning from it I would have continued in the lies. If it said I should do something I would have said “I’m already doing that, she just doesn’t see it”. I would have blamed her. Husbands, if she doesn’t see it it’s because we’re NOT doing it, no matter what we think. Or if we are, it’s not with the right heart, motivation, spirit, or whatever word you want to choose. I know that’s true in my case and I would encourage you to pray and see what He says to you. And thanks again for the prayers for my wife and please keep them up. I know He approves!

I had to go “home” last night to pick up some personal possessions, still no contact with my wife at all except through her attorney. Many thoughts hit me as I sat and looked at my world she had packed up in black garbage bags. One was that I was to be specifically praying for someone today and when I asked who He said Randy. (The friend who lead me to Christ.) I emailed him and told him that this morning, and asked what he needed prayer for and promised to ask for prayer for whatever the situation. Here is what he sent:
This is an answer to prayer already this morning. Major problems last night and a feeling of hopelessness in my marriage. Your prayers are not only appreciated but very much needed. –Thanks!

I asked for help writing a prayer for him and He helped. I got so much inspiration on what to say and how to ask from the book you recommended yesterday found on the PEL website. I read half yesterday and half today. More on that in a second. Here’s the prayer I’m requesting all Prayer Warriors send up to the Lord:
Please pray for my friends Randy and Lisa and the circumstances around their marriage and family:
We pray that they be lead by the Holy Spirit to His Will and know that the covenant they made with Him and each other will not be broken. Any influences not from You we bind up and cast out using the Blood of Christ as our weapon. We ask that You do this in accordance with Your Word, “greater is He that is in us than he who is in the world” (I John, 4:3-4) as well as “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb… (Revelation 12:11). Let us remember that prayer is warfare and that satan wins when we don’t pray but loses when we do because he has no defense against it. Bring them the joy You have promised over and over in Your Word. We thank You in advance for the miracles You will work in each of their lives today and the messages Your Holy Spirit will bring to them in their hearts. We pray all this in the mighty name of Jesus because “Lord, even the devils are subject to us through Your Name” (Luke 10:17). Amen
And Judy, that book told me I really am hearing God’s Direction and Will regarding my marriage, despite what I had to do last night, what my mind is telling me and how everything appears from the outside. As I walked around at lunch yesterday praying for guidance all I heard was “what does your heart say?” I kept putting it off and praying more. (Not listening again!) He kept at it until I heard and responded. I told Him my heart says that no matter how it appears my marriage is a covenant that can’t be broken and that He WILL restore it. And that He already is at work on it. Just because I see no evidence of it does not matter, I am to simply be patient, pray and have FAITH. This is what happened as I related it to Randy earlier:
After I got home last night and looked at all the black garbage bags filled with my life I began to pray. And I realized it was nothing more than a pile of crap from satan, and he was laughing. Earlier I had printed a book called “Praying Effectively for the Lost” and had read most of it on the way home, only 40+ pages. Recommended by a very insightful lady who runs a daily message of hope through Christ. I couldn’t believe how most of the precepts matched with what I was already doing, getting myself right first, using a list of other’s needs nightly, etc.
I had felt guilty because on Tuesday night, after the “storm” passed, (after LOTS of rain had come out of me), I felt Him telling me a new way to pray for her. I was to pray that He use whatever means necessary to bring her to her knees, to the brokenness He brought me to. For her I believe that includes financial disaster in some way, major car trouble, unforeseen bills, etc. That’s what I prayed would happen to her so she would turn to him. Not in a vengeful way, but to open her eyes to Him, not me. I was still feeling guilty about it even though I had that peaceful feeling about it. Then this morning I read this and realized, as usual, if I seek His Will, He’ll provide it. This is the 5th and final step of prayer for the salvation of others, a 5 step process that has been used by a lot of people including Billy Graham for a couple of centuries. I had done the other 4 for quite a while already and didn’t even know it.
Ask the Lord to open the minds and hearts of the lost – He will! Then, they can be gloriously saved. Now we are ready to ask the Lord to save him. However, we must be willing for God to do whatever it takes to facilitate his salvation, for God orchestrates events in his life designed to bring him to repentance.

Thanks, Tom. Your message contained so much meat, I just had to share the whole thing. May the Lord continue to bless you. I believe He is preparing you for quite a ministry.

Thanks, Carol. To answer your question about whether or not I apologized to Paul for my part in the failing of our marriage. The answer is “YES.” The Lord showed me that I had been quite disrespectful of Paul and also quite critical and self-righteous. I can’t remember when I made the first apology but I do know that it wasn’t early in our separation because I was just so angry during those first months. Praise the Lord, He didn’t leave me the shallow way He found me. Like Charlyne I’m sure that I apologized several times. However when one does this, he or she must be sure not to be apologizing for the wrong reasons. Some partners that I’ve spoken with over the years have struggled with such a sense of guilt that they apologize profusely for things that they shouldn’t apologize for.

As for what happened in our situation, it did take Paul quite a while to get over the other woman. However, she had become so volatile and obsessive that the breakup actually relieved a lot of the stress that was in Paul’s life. Little by little, Paul’s soul was healed from the effects of his adulterous affair as he gained strength in the Lord.

Here’s a message from Tom in Minnesota:

This is from someone I met on another site. I’m encouraging her to join us as well. I know the things I read here mean a lot to me. Like today’s entry from Neal. I agree with you, rant away! The story about his prayer partner being reconciled the day after seeing her with someone else gives me reason to keep hope alive. Anyway, I would ask everyone to continue praying for my marriage and that whatever deception is on my wife’s heart from the enemy be lifted. And please add Carrie and George to your prayers too. I’m pasting her email to me
along with my response. Anyone with any further advice or encouragement for her can post it here and I’ll forward it to her until she joins us herself. Anyway, here it is:

Hi Tom:

You probably don’t remember me but I am in some of the same prayer groups as you are like the “Loving God Fellowship, Christian Harvest End Time Souls etc.. Anyway we are praying and fasting for the same reasons, to see a breakthrough with our marriages that look hopeless and are now in the divorce process. That is where I met you and others who are praying for their marriages.

I was praying and fasting today when I got a very discouraging e-mail from a pastor on one of these ministries that does prayer and fasting. She said that she was lead by the Holy spirit to tell me this: She said in essence that the devil had already destroyed my marriage, and therefore I no longer had one and that I needed to decide to move on to be happier! I must have cried for 4 hours after that. Am I holding on to a dead marriage? Your Sister in Christ, Carrie

Carrie, absolutely I remember you. We met on the Loving God Fellowship site discussing fasting for marriages. And you and George are high on what has unfortunately turned into an ever increasingly long list of people whose marriages I’m praying for nightly. I’ve gotten names from a lot of websites.

I’m not sure what kind of “pastor” would say the Holy Spirit led her to say that satan has destroyed something therefore God is powerless. I sure wouldn’t sit in that pastor’s church for more than 5 minutes if something like that came out of her mouth. Same if her words came by email. I would pray for her, but wouldn’t put my hope in her words. I don’t believe the Holy Spirit would lead anyone, pastor or not, to say that satan has won. The God I pray to says nothing is impossible with Him.

To me it sounds more like this pastor heard from the enemy disguising himself and lying to her. She believed it. I’ve learned and believed that if we think we hear from God we are to measure whether it was from Him by whether what we hear is consistent with His word. Ask the pastor, if you are still corresponding with her, where in the Bible it says that if satan wins a battle God has lost the war. Or that if satan does something God is powerless to undo it. I’ve never read those parts. Because they’re not in there.

I have to pick up my belongings this week from my home. Apparently my wife has boxed everything up and set it outside under an eave and tarps. Should I say satan has already destroyed my marriage too? On the face of it he has and I could give up, it would be easier. But that’s not what I’m lead to do. I’m praying harder for her and began a 3 day fast today myself asking that whatever evil spirit is holding my wife’s precious heart be removed. If she turns to Christ our marriage can be restored. It’s been 11 weeks now since I’ve even spoke with her, but I’m not giving up. My divorce would likely be final at the end of October or early November if I believed satan’s lies. I choose to believe God’s truth and encourage you to do the same.

God says in Malachi very clearly that He hates divorce. So do I and will keep praying for you and all the other couples I’ve “met” through various websites. Where two or more agree He promises to grant us our prayers. He doesn’t say when or under what terms. I know the heartache you’re going through, I feel it every day myself. But He’s using this time to teach us. And lead us to where HE wants us to be, not to give in to satan’s lies. 11 weeks ago my prayers were strictly for marriage restoration, now, now, now. No thought to what His plan might be. 3 days after our separation I was lead to Him and finally, after 44 years of life, gave it all over to Him and truly accepted him as not only my Saviour, but as my Lord. To seek His Will over mine. And His is that she be forgiven and lead back to him for eternity. My role in that will be defined by Him, not me. She is without Him and I now know that it’s her very soul, her eternity, that I’m fighting for. Not just my marriage. There’s so much at stake in all these spiritual battles, but we have the greatest Commander ever. Follow your heart and His direction Carrie and know that His plan is greater, much greater, than anything the enemy has. He will take the loss satan brings us and glorify His name through overcoming it. –Tom

Wow, Tom. Preach it brother!!! What a message. How my heart grieves that there are so many pastors out there who just don’t understand the restoration power of our God. I can remember confronting a minister who had flat out told me that I needed to get a divorce and that my husband would NEVER change!!! Before leaving that church, I met with him and asked him what passages of scripture he was basing his counsel to me on because from what I read in the Word, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR GOD!!!
If it’s not too much trouble, maybe you could send Carrie some of our messages so that she’ll know that there are others out there besides you who believe that restoration is possible. There have also been several restored marriages in this group. Here are just a few of those couples names: Paul and Judy (that would be me & my hubby), Adrienne and Stephen (Adrienne writes us frequently) Kerry and Ira, Toi and Stephen, Frank and Kelly, Brice and Lisa, Christi and Wally, Beth and Mike, Laura and Larry, Gary and Gwenn, Jana and Jay, Brigette and Jesse, Angel and Karo …

Posted Thursday, October 5th, 2006 at 11:51 pm in Seeds Of Faith.