Friday night’s FAM Chat was a great time of fellowship and ministry, and what an awesome blessing it was to see the FAM Fellowship members ministering to each other while sharing their personal experiences to help support and encourage each other! 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 was definitely being walked out, because it says Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. Even though the topic started out with sharing why we believe the Lord will restore our marriages, toward the end of the evening it turned more to how difficult it is to let go and trust God in the midst of our problems, which one of the members shared he is finding very difficult to do. He knows what he’s supposed to do, but just finds it too difficult to actually do it and was seeking practical advice about how to change that. And I have to admit to feeling a lot like a proud mama as I saw the depth of compassion and wisdom poured out by the other members in response to our brother’s need. And since this is something most of us have fought to overcome at one time or another, or may still battle from time to time, that will be the topic of this week’s FAM Chat, unless the Lord comes up with something else before then.

Everyone shared great biblical counsel, and most of the “letting go” responses came down to expressing the need we discovered for a personal relationship with Jesus before really learning to trust Him and rely on His word. Since I know this is the same issue so many people standing for marriage restoration struggle with, especially in the earliest stages, I’m sharing my responses to the discussion about how we let go and trust God in the face of our pain and turmoil as follow:

“Yes, MNO (member name omitted). And glad you’re here too! As long as we think we have to hold the reins, we’re not trusting God’s reign. And I can assure you that once you REALLY give everything to Him, you will wonder why it took you so long. But the bottom line is KNOWING what His word says and that we CAN rely on it. And, as we’ve discussed before, and as MNO put so well above, it’s all about things we can’t see or prove. If we can see it or prove it in the natural realm, where’s the faith? Faith is believing what there is no rational reason to believe…believing in confidence what there is no evidence to support. And that could be tougher for some than others, especially those who have more analytical minds…and believe it or not I’m often accused of being too analytical! And I USED to be!”

“Glorifying Jesus Christ is at the heart of everything God does, and there just isn’t any glory for Jesus in divorce, broken homes, damaged children and adulterous relationships and marriages. So instead of wondering if God will restore our marriages for US, maybe we need to start asking if He will do it for Jesus!”

“MNO, the only way we can keep Satan from destroying us through the power of our thoughts and emotions is to take them captive and make them obedient to Christ and the word of God. I suggest reading Philippians 4 every day, maybe even several times a day and staying VERY focused on putting ALL of it into practice. Do you listen to praise and worship music? Are you going to a local church? These are very important to you as a Christian…to help you grow in your walk and relationship with the Lord. HE DOES COMMAND US TO MAKE HIM FIRST. And the sin all of us are guilty of is not keeping HIM first. We made our spouses and marriages the priority of our lives, and
God can not and will not bless and reward that. He desires to be the first priority in your life. Do you think about Him even half as much as your wife, and do you desire a closer relationship with him MORE than you desire the restoration of your marriage? I once heard it put this way…when we get our house in right order with God, everything else in our homes and lives will be in right order. God really got my attention and made me change my focus when I studied The Purpose Driven Life, so I’d strongly suggest getting that and reading it. That’s what it took to lead my husband to the Lord in the end, so I know it has power.”

“MNO, what it ALL boils down to is a very personal and intimate relationship with Jesus Christ, because you CAN NOT trust Him without that. And what we’re all saying is that through these circumstances and trials we were brought into that kind of relationship with Him. It’s one thing to know OF God and a totally different thing to KNOW God! And the only way to trust God and KNOW that His plans for you are for good and not for evil is to KNOW Him, and that means you have felt and experienced
His love and goodness; that you realized that without the shed blood of HIS BELOVED SON, you were a sinner doomed to hell; but He loved you enough to send His son to die for you so your sin debt was paid in full and to give you victory over the wickedness of this world. So when you’ve asked Him to come into your heart and to be Lord of your life, everything changes, and when we do that, that is where the peace and joy comes from; that’s why we have the strength to let it go and know that we can trust a loving Father. You can’t trust God without first KNOWING his love and goodness. And I’ve often found in this ministry that women could not trust the Lord to restore their marriages because they had never truly trusted Him for their salvation. That’s the first step, and sometimes people find themselves in a crisis situation and that step gets skipped over, so it’s necessary to revisit it. Because if you can’t find a place of peace and joy in the midst of this turmoil, there’s a disconnect with the Holy Spirit OR you’re just not being still enough to hear from Him. So let’s talk about this more on the phone…okay? The good news is that God is drawing you and HE WILL HAVE HIS WAY WITH YOU, and that can only be very good news indeed, because the best is yet to come, and you WILL have the peace you so long for!
Dear Lord, in the name of your precious son, Jesus, we thank you for giving MNO the peace and faith he so longs for. Amen.”

Then yesterday, one of the members who had left the chat room Friday night before the discussion turned to letting go, shared the following testimony on the men’s private site in hopes of providing encouragement for the member who was asking for help. And since I thought it was so powerful, because I know many visitors to the site will be able to relate to it, I asked for Dan’s permission to share it here, which I thank him for giving. So here’s the word of Dan’s testimony about how he overcame the inevitable struggle to let go and learn to trust God:

“ I have been on my journey of marriage restoration for almost 14 months now. I made many mistakes and suffered more than I thought humanly possible. I truly wish that I could help you avoid the pain but the suffering seems to be necessary in order for God to get us where He wants us to be. I hope sharing my experience it will give you encouragement and faith in God to not just stand for your marriage, but to also do it with the peace and joy God wants you to have while waiting for His timing.

It is difficult for me to prioritize the importance of the pieces of wisdom that I have gained over the past 14 months. Maybe they can’t be separated; they are all intertwined for a reason.
I know that I have done everything humanly possible to save my marriage; at least I thought I had. The one thing I needed to do and didn’t until I was completely broken was to give it all to God. I had to say yes and mean yes in finally letting God have it all. I had faith and I knew God wanted to heal and restore my marriage; I just had to really believe that I was worthy of such a thing. Satan was using me to prolong giving it all to God – because Satan knows the end result!!
You must know that God hates divorce and He will not bless divorce and will not break the covenant of our marriages. He will not let our prayers and faith go without notice. He has plans for us to prosper and nothing is impossible for God; you have to have faith in that, know that the Word tells us that and to actually BELIEVE it is going to happen. He is a God who healed the sick, raised the dead, parted the seas, and moved mountains. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. That means He is performing miracles today…NOW, and we don’t have to wait. The supernatural is there for us just as it was for Moses, Elisha, David, Lazarus, and on and on. He loves us just as much.

The most difficult part of my stand has been to not look at my circumstances; my wife telling me she has fallen out of love, her changing jobs and moving 6 hours away, appearing that she has never been happier and nor had more fun, and most of all, replacing me as the man in her life. I can feel the hurt oozing up in me as I write this, but it doesn’t consume me any more because I know God has a victory party planned down the road and He is waiting to receive the glory and honor for His work. I know we will be a powerful witness to others and I can’t wait to share our testimony as so many others have in encouraging me.

Having said all of that, the road has been long and weary. On May 1, 2006 I hit bottom. I had no one to turn to but God, and I was a pretty spiritual person before all this began. I had shed more tears in two months than I had in my previous 49 years. I was down to 130 pounds, missed 25 days of work in 4 months and had written letters to my boys telling them that I loved them and good-bye. I had taken too much medication and really didn’t care. Until – at the completion of writing to my kids the Holy Spirit washed over me and in a Dr. Phil type way said, “What are you thinking?” I was thinking of myself and absolutely no one else! I had refused to let God take my burdens, and even though I knew what His Word said, I had to actually believe He would do all those things for me, an unworthy sinner. I ended up on a psychiatric ward, which I must say was a humbling but wonderful experience. And I am still on medication, which I believe is okay with God for now.

The good news is that God meets us where we are; I didn’t have to clean up…I just had to invite God to take over in a situation that I could do nothing about. I could not change my wife and I couldn’t change myself without God. I had to ask God to reveal my own weaknesses and what He wanted to change in me and then let Him work to bring those changes about. I had to hand it all over to Him. That was when I received relief – joy and peace knowing that God could do what I wanted to do and don’t have the power to do. I have learned so much about myself in letting God reveal things to me, which was pretty scary at first.

The more I prayed, read the Word, became involved in Bible studies, spent more time worshipping at church, sang and listened to praise songs, and surrounded myself with Godly people – the more peace and joy God gave me. I have had fantastic support from my ministers in my stand for the healing and restoration of our marriage. And they have given me cell phone numbers and made time for me whenever I needed to talk. So many people have blessed me and there was less and less opportunity for Satan to attack.

I guess my point is that there is definitely a purpose in the process! It isn’t to see how much pain and suffering we can handle but to get us to the point of surrendering in our brokenness to the only one that can deliver us; our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Now, all that being said, I can’t tell you that every day is a picnic and joyous occasion for me! I long for my wife and I pray every day that she would call and tell me that she loves me and is coming home. And I have to pray every day for God to fill the voids of loneliness, companionship and intimacy. The difference is I know now that God is working even if I can’t see things happening. I do know He has changed me and I would not for go the past 14 months and give up my spiritual growth and the intimate relationship I have with God today. Had my wife come home in the first few months, I am not sure that I would not have compromised that relationship. God continues to encourage me to stand for the covenant of my marriage, and Satan has become less of an influence in my stand as I grow in my obedience to Christ.

I pray for and with you in confidence that God will heal and restore our marriages and families and I thank Him for giving us strength and for leading us through the process with His grace and mercy showered upon us. Trust and obey, for there is no other way.
May the Holy Spirit bless you as you believe in His Word and that His will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. I hope I have given you some peace!

Love and blessings.
Dan”

And the following is the reply I posted on the men’s fellowship site:
“Dan, thank you so much for sharing the word of your testimony! It’s clear how the Lord has worked through it just as He does with all of us when we come to the place of realizing what He wants us to realize, which is that without Him we are nothing and we can do nothing! I remember how shocked I was the first time I read that God’s name is Jealous, because that means a lot more than just saying that He is a jealous God, and it explains why having no other gods before me is the first commandment. Of course, Jesus later paraphrased that to say we’re to love God with ALL our hearts, minds, soul and strength. And the Word even says that if we seek FIRST the kingdom of God and His righteousness, THEN HE WILL give us EVERYTHING else! And since the Word also tells us that God has the power to bring His Word to pass, that it does not return void and that it accomplishes what HE desires, we can see why we some times have to experience the depths of despair as you did.

And, even though I don’t share it often, I have to admit that I’ve been there too. I actually sat on the floor in front of a nightstand where my husband kept a loaded gun, with the gun in my lap…I can’t honestly say that I had made the decision to kill myself at that moment, but I was certainly considering it as I sat there crying totally broken hearted. I couldn’t bear my husband’s coldness and apparent indifference, and I couldn’t understand how it was even possible for someone to change so drastically. And I had given up EVERYTHING for my marriage! I had given up my home, the only means of independently supporting myself through something I had worked years to establish, and my job, because my husband was also my boss. And EVERYBODY had tried to tell me to slow down! BUT as I sat there, the phone (which just happened to be on the same nightstand) rang and I got a grip on my emotions. And there were many other rough moments, but I did eventually turn back to the Lord for the comfort and peace I so desperately longed for. And I wouldn’t change ANY of it today, because I am who I am today because of it and I’m doing what I’m doing today, because of it. And just as Genesis 50:20 says, what others and Satan meant for evil, God has turned to something for His glory and the good of many other people! In fact, I was able to send my husband a letter this past New Year’s Day in which I told him one of the most unexpected things that happened somewhere along the way this past year was how God changed loving him from what used to seem like a terrible burden I had to bear into what I treasure now as an incredible blessing to share! And that happened ONLY through the power of God and a God given desire and willingness to help others who had experienced the same thing…and most of all to help keep them from making so many of the same mistakes I made. And if it were NOT for EVERYTHING I went through and the things the Lord taught me in the process, there would be no FAM Ministries today. And, like you Dan, I realize that if God had answered many of my prayers along the way, I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing today. And NOTHING would be worth that! … I am fully satisfied with my life and look forward to every day with new anticipation and expectation, because I see His hand at work in so many situations around me, and nothing is more exciting or rewarding than that. And you’re right, sharing these testimonies with others who are now where we were, is very important to encourage them and give them hope. But this is the first time I’ve shared this part of my testimony, so thanks for leading me to do that by the awesome example you set, which is what we all should do according to 2 Corinthians 1:3-5, as shared above.

MNO, I had a conversation Saturday with a woman who is very much where you are; she just can’t let go and trust God to do what she knows she can not do, and what she keeps making a mess of because she keeps trying to do anyway. And the Lord really surprised me with a question He put in my mind. He told me to ask her if she knew for a fact that she could have either a close walk and relationship with the Lord or the marriage of her dreams with her husband, and it was guaranteed, but she could only choose one; which would it be? (She had been asking why the Lord isn’t answering her prayers when she is doing everything she’s supposed to do…even though she really isn’t, because she will NOT let go.) As sad as it was to hear her honest answer, that was probably a transforming moment in her life and the first step to the restoration of her marriage, because I think the answer shocked even her, because she said if she was honest, she would choose her husband! Of course, that was the answer to why God can not and will not work to restore her marriage; she was putting it before Him and had made an idol of her husband and marriage, and now the restoration of it. It’s a good thing God reminds us that HIS thoughts are so much higher and different from ours, because we certainly can’t understand how letting go of something we want works when that’s the exact opposite of what we want! But that is what His word tells us to do, and until we’re able to trust Him enough to take Him at His word, we are not likely to experience the things we’re standing and praying for. We can’t stand on the promises of God without standing on the Word of God, and that’s where the faith comes in! But thanks to your willingness to open up about how you’re struggling, MNO, a LOT of men and women are praying for you, and I have no doubt you WILL feel the power of those prayers in ways you can’t even imagine right now. God promises us that if we seek, we’ll find and if we knock, the door will be opened to us, so just keep seeking the answers and keeping your mind and heart open to hear from the Lord, and you will not be disappointed! Remember, in Jeremiah 33:3 He tells us that if we call out to Him, He will hear us and He will answer us and show us great and mighty things we do not know…BUT WE HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT!

Dear Lord, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the wonderful work I see you doing through this ministry, which I know pleases you too! How awesome it is to see someone in pain and distress able to reach out to others who respond with love and compassion and such a genuine desire to help and give comfort. And that’s exactly what you tell us to do as Christians. So I thank you for MNO’s willingness to lay his emotions bare before us; that he felt comfortable enough to do so; a humbling experience which you WILL bless and reward: and for the wonderful response of other fellowship members, especially the way Dan chose to share his awesome testimony and experience. And I thank you for the peace and comfort I know you want to give to MNO in his time of distress, so I ask you to tear down all walls of resistance and to break up the ground of his heart so he can hear you when you pour your heart out to him and make your thoughts known to him. And I thank you that through the power of the Holy Spirit you will give Him the mustard seed of faith he needs to put ALL of his hope and confidence in you. Surround him with your love and goodness, Lord, and overwhelm him with your grace, mercy and glory! I ask these things in the most powerful name of Jesus as I give Him ALL praise, honor and glory! Amen.”

By sharing so much of the above testimonies, I truly hope that anyone in a place of so much pain and despair that it seems impossible to go on, will see that with time and by continually turning to God, you will not only survive, but come out of the trial much stronger and better. And I doubt very seriously that it was by coincidence that I received an email message today that included the following:

“Malachi 3:3 says: “He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.”
This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.
That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn’t mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.
As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: “He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.” She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.
The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, “How do you know when the silver is fully refined?” He smiled at her and answered, “Oh, that’s easy — when I see my image in it.”

So once again we’ve witnessed God’s awesome and totally amazing power and faithfulness to confirm the messages He intends to deliver! And I pray that anyone who is feeling the intense heat of the refiner’s fire, will be comforted to know that Luke 3:16 says “John answered them all, “I baptize you with water. But one more powerful than I will come, the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire.” So instead of feeling defeated and discouraged because of the heat, I hope you’ll keep your eyes upon Jesus so you can be purified, strengthened, blessed, and encouraged as you’re transformed to reflect the image of Christ!

Posted Monday, January 29th, 2007 at 10:23 pm in Seeds Of Faith.