One of the most difficult things most of us have to endure as we stand for the restoration of our marriages is the inability of the rest of the world to understand why we don’t “get on with our lives” and just “get over” someone who obviously does not love or want us; especially when it’s our friends, family, and even pastors! And, if we’re honest, there have been times when we ourselves couldn’t even understand or make sense of it. Personally, throughout the years I’ve stood for my marriage, there were definitely times when it was totally against my will. And there were times when I thought something MUST be terribly wrong with me, because I couldn’t just get over it and move on; I thought there must be some kind of weakness in my own personality or that I had a serious character flaw. Otherwise how could I care so much for someone who so obviously didn’t seem to care whether I lived or died and who seemed to have totally forgotten everything we once meant to each other…or was that all just a lie? I thought it must be some kind of low self esteem issue, but no matter how hard I tried to argue myself out of it, and no matter how many times I made a determined decision that I WAS going to get over it and move on with my life, GOD always managed to bring me right back to the same place again. And by moving on, I didn’t mean getting involved in another relationship; I just wanted to stop caring so much; to stop loving someone who clearly did not seem to love me. So when we decide to stand for the restoration of our marriages, there’s naturally a whole lot of second guessing that goes on, but that comes straight from the devil, because He knows that hinders our walk with God and His ability to work effectively through us for HIS purposes and the glory of Jesus Christ. And we know that based on James 1:5-8, which says If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. And if unstable doesn’t describe most of us at some time in this process, I don’t know what else would!

Unfortunately, even though 1 Corinthians 14:33, clearly warns us For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints., many wavering standers don’t find much comfort in that, because they can’t get past wondering if God wants them to stand, or if it’s just something they want; which gets them right back to wondering “What’s wrong with me?” So it’s very important for us to realize that EVERYTHING that comes into our lives is either from one kingdom or the other; that it either glorifies and promotes Jesus Christ, or it glorifies and promotes the work of the devil. And there is NOTHING in between. And the only way to determine and be certain whether something glorifies Jesus or Satan is to study and understand what the Bible says about it, because NOTHING contrary to the Word of God glorifies Jesus Christ, and God will NEVER want or bless, much less tell us to do anything that is contrary to His written Word. And when we don’t think there’s a specific answer in the Bible, the best way to determine whose kingdom is being promoted and glorified is to rely on John 10:10, which says The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. And since there’s NO DOUBT that divorce, adultery and remarriage causes destruction and steals and kills just about everything dear to us, there can be NO glory in it for God and our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, since He said HE came to give us LIFE, peace, joy and victory over the wicked works of the devil! And when we stand for the restoration of our marriages, we can stand and rely on God’s written Word in Malachi 2 (NKJV), particularly putting our hope and confidence in God’s opinion of divorce as VERY CLEARLY stated in Malachi 2:11, which says an abomination has been committed…Judah has profaned The LORD’s holy institution which He loves…, and Malachi 216, which says “ For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the LORD of hosts. “ Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.” That settles the question of whether or not God would want us to stand for the restoration of our marriages and should clear up any confusion the devil tries to bring against us to convince us otherwise. In addition to that, it’s not insignificant, and we shouldn’t just disregard the fact that TWO of the Ten Commandments forbid adultery, because Deuteronomy 5:18 says “You shall not commit adultery.; and Deuteronomy 5:21 says “You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife. You shall not set your desire on your neighbor’s house or land, his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” Hopefully this clears up any doubt anyone might still have about whether or not God wants us to stand for our marriages!

However, being so clever and cunning, there’s often another question that arises, which is “How is Jesus glorified when I have to stand so long for my marriage and NOTHING is happening?” Well, first and foremost, that’s NEVER true. Just because we don’t SEE or HEAR that something is happening, that does not mean it’s true. By standing on the power and promise of God’s Word for the restoration of our marriages, we have sown seeds of faith and restoration, but just like all other seeds, while they’re under the ground and before sprouting and becoming visible above ground, we can’t see what God is doing with ANY of the seeds we’ve sown. And that’s what The Parable of the Growing Seed teaches about the kingdom of God in Mark 4:26-29, which says He also said, “This is what the kingdom of God is like. A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. All by itself the soil produces grain—first the stalk, then the head, then the full
kernel in the head. As soon as the grain is ripe, he puts the sickle to it, because the harvest has come.” And there’s no point in any of us trying to get around that kingdom principle to speed up the harvest, because we can not, and it only frustrates us!

But there are many ways Jesus can and will be glorified as we stand for the restoration of our marriages which have little to do with marriage restoration itself, but we have to be willing and yielded vessels to realize all the Lord wants to do through us, and even to be aware of all that He IS doing as we stand in faith and obedience to His Word, will and purpose. For instance, in my own life, if I had not been obedient to the call God put on my life to stand for my marriage many years ago, there wouldn’t be a FAM Ministries today. But even more importantly, IF God HAD restored my marriage earlier in my stand, there still wouldn’t be a FAM Ministries! So there’s NO doubt in my mind that God had a VERY SPECIFIC purpose in delaying the answer to my prayers. And even though I “stood” for my marriage for so many years, the sad truth is that I knew almost nothing about HOW to stand until a little over a year and a half ago, and I wouldn’t have learned that if not for a very painful and disappointing experience that made the ultimate restoration of my marriage look so much less likely than ever before. Yet, it’s ONLY as a result of that very painful and disappointing experience that FAM Ministries does exist today! And I could go on and on with so many examples of why and how everything that has happened in this process HAD to happen exactly as it has for God’s plan and purpose to be perfected. So we have to learn to trust God NO MATTER WHAT, because He will NOT let us down and He ALWAYS has everything under HIS ALMIGHTY control. So it’s important to look around us to see how the Lord wants to use our experience for HIS glory, because when we do, we WILL find it!

And no matter what else the Lord is doing in and through us as we walk through this time and experience, one of the most amazing things of all is what He is teaching us about unconditional love; about the way He loves us! On one of those days many years ago when I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me; what was missing in my life; why I didn’t want something better for myself…all the rot the world teaches us we should want and feel, God showed me something pretty amazing! Why in the world should I see loving my husband the same way HE loves me as a weakness or something to be ashamed of? Instead of being something wrong in me, I realized that it is something wonderful and God glorifying in me! It is something that in and of myself I am not capable of, and since God put it in my heart and spirit, it’s something I’ll never be able to get over. What a radical concept that seemed to be at the time; but how liberating it was! It totally changed my perspective and finally gave me the peace I had so desperately longed for! I learned to see what I had thought of as a weakness; as a flaw in my make-up; and as something to get over, as a strength and confirmation of God’s power and grace at work in me. Being human, there were still times when I wanted not to care so much, but I never again saw loving my husband as something wrong with me or something that I had to get over. I knew it was a very precious gift from God and that He meant to be glorified through it somehow. Despite that, for many years I still thought of it as a burden I had to bear, because I knew it was something I would always have to make peace with no matter what. But after getting involved in this ministry, it ceased to be a burden, because the Lord showed me that it was really just a very special blessing to share! And what an awesome confirmation of that Romans 8:28-30 provides, because it says And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified. And there is NO way to truly reflect the glory of God an be conformed to the image of Christ without love, because 1 John 4:8 says Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. So even though the world can’t understand the everlasting love we’re blessed with for our spouses, there’s no doubt that it pleases God, because Jeremiah 31:3 teaches The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. So instead of seeing the love we have for our spouses as something we need to get over, we need to recognize and embrace it as evidence of God’s awesome power at work in our hearts and lives. And I certainly hope and pray that we’ll all be blessed and encouraged as we learn to see the love we have for our spouses through the eyes of God instead of the eyes of the world, especially on this day dedicated to love.

Posted Wednesday, February 14th, 2007 at 5:18 pm in Seeds Of Faith.