Over the weekend, a very challenging issue arose on the ladies’ private website when one of our new members posed the question “Did I make a mistake?” She then went on to described how she had knowingly married an unsaved man and moved across the country to live with him after they eloped. But much to her surprise and great disappointment, within a few months, he became physically abusive. And after recently discovering that she was pregnant and realizing that the abuse would still continue, her family “rescued” her and moved her back home. Of course, it comes as no surprise that the family now wants her to get a divorce, but she wants to stand for her husband’s salvation and the restoration of her marriage instead. In addition to describing some of the details of her married life, she openly and humbly acknowledged her own failures in the marriage, including that she had married contrary to the instructions found in the Word of God, for which she has since repented and asked for God’s forgiveness. But she also said she hoped she hadn’t missed God and married the wrong man…and she asked for prayers for her family.

Needless to say, this situation raises several complicated and complex issues as we take a stand for marriage according to the word of God, including God’s view of unequally yoked marriages (whether or not He recognizes and honors them), dealing with physical abuse according to the Word of God, and a wife’s biblical role even in the face of physical danger. However, as with my response to her on the private website, the primary focus of this post is on unequally yoked marriages, as described in 2 Corinthians 6:14, which says Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?

Since I feel that sharing Rebecca’s heartbreaking testimony tends to magnify the works of the devil, and does little to glorify the Lord, I decided just to restate it as I have instead of posting it here. But since the following responses from the private website pretty well address the question concerning how God views unequally yoked marriages, I greatly appreciate permission from Rebecca and the other ladies to share them here as follow:

Response by Linda Wattu on April 16th, 2007 at 12:19 am
“Hi Rebecca… First, welcome to our family, where I sincerely hope and pray we can support and encourage you as you grow closer in your walk and relationship with the Lord, because that really does have to be your top priority at this time.

As you can see, I’ve edited what you posted quite a bit, and that’s because we very closely adhere to the posting guidelines here, and even this strains to do that. But your circumstances are very different and present some important and serious issues; much of which we haven’t discussed on the site previously, so I’ve left a lot more in than I usually do, in order to be able to address what I feel is important in your situation.

Sadly, to answer your question… Yes, you missed God and married the “wrong man”; and we know that because His Word tells us not to be unequally yoked. BUT, having said that, unless either of you were previously married and divorced for reasons other than adultery, in the eyes of God you’re married. Unfortunately, when you made a decision to act contrary to the written Word of God, you took yourself outside of His will and plan for your life, and away from His protection, provision and blessings. BUT the good news is that if you genuinely repent and are willing to examine and learn from the mistakes YOU made, and are willing to submit your own will and way to God’, HE CAN STILL TURN THINGS AROUND FOR YOU! And that’s not going to be an easy road to walk, Rebecca, but it is the path YOU chose. And now you have to decide whether or not you will learn to do things God’s way or if you’ll continue to do things your way. And you can’t effectively stand for the restoration of your marriage with the grace, strength and anointing needed to do so, just because you love your husband. The ONLY way that will happen is if you make the decision to do so in obedience to God. Of course, that doesn’t mean you don’t love your husband; it just means that’s not your reason or motive for standing.

While we haven’t discussed physical abuse in much detail here before, I don’t believe any woman should allow herself or her children to be in physical danger; but I also believe that God can change ANY man and there are many testimonies about abusive husbands being saved and changing. But that will require a lot of praying on your part, a lot of changing on your part and an awful lot of faith and humility on your part. I know there are numerous books written by women married to abusive husbands, and since that’s something I’ve had no experience with, I think it would be a good idea for you to see what is available, or maybe someone has something in particular to recommend. The Bible does tell us that the devil is defeated by the word of our testimony, so you need to hear (or read) the testimonies of other women who have had similar experiences. As you already acknowledge, you did not conduct yourself as you should have in many areas, but that still doesn’t justify physical abuse. However, you DO have to learn what the Bible teaches about your role as a wife, and make some decisions about submitting to God AND to your husband. If you start reading and studying the information posted on the website, you’ll start to learn a lot of the principles, but a lot of your issues are much better discussed privately, which I hope we’ll have a chance to do.

As I told you earlier, you’ll have the first baby born into the fellowship, so our hearts go out to you and your family. And even though your situation is very complicated, it certainly is not beyond the reach of God’s mercy and grace. So it is my most sincere hope and prayer that you’re made of strong stuff, because you’re probably going to need it for what lies ahead. But the most important thing is your willingness to put ALL of your trust in the Lord and to make a commitment to obedience, because if you don’t trust and obey God, you probably won’t like the results any more than you like the way your marriage has turned out so far. But when you trust and obey God, EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE!

Dear Lord, you know my heart goes out to Rebecca and her unborn child…and to her husband. And, Lord, how thankful I am to know that what Satan intended for evil you WILL make good when we love you and are called according to YOUR purpose…and you didn’t make any exceptions to that, for which we thank you. Please surround Rebecca with your love and goodness, and give her the wisdom, grace and strength she will need to walk the path she’s chosen in a way that brings honor and glory to your name. Lord, we know you can turn her husband’s hard heart to a heart of flesh. We know you can create in him a new man; a man that walks in right relationship with you; and we know you can use his wife to help accomplish that. So I pray that Rebecca understands the need to submit her own will and way to yours, Lord, so that she can see your glory and power manifested in her situation; that her husband will be saved and changed; and her baby will grow up in a home with both a Christian mother and father. And, Lord, please let us be a source of support and encouragement for Rebecca as she grows in her walk and relationship with you. And I particularly pray for your wisdom and guidance concerning areas of ministry in which I have no personal experience to draw on, and I pray that you will send someone very special to minister to Rebecca’s very particular needs. We love you and we give you all praise, honor and glory as we pray and ask these things in the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.”

Response by Janet in Maryland on April 16th, 2007 at 10:14 am
“Rebecca, my heart really goes out to you in your very tough situation. There are so many times that we go against the will of God and really suffer some terrible consequences for it. But please know that we serve a merciful God. A God who is willing to forgive us for all our wrongs. A God who is willing to make all things new. A God to whom nothing is impossible. Remember that He can make a way when there seems to be no way. Just trust in Him and pray that His will be done in your life. Your first priority is for you to get right with God. Ask for his forgiveness and truly develop a repentant heart. Next, pray that your husband will accept God’s free gift of salvation and come to know Him as his Lord and Savior. God has a plan and a purpose for your life and the life of your child. These plans are to prosper you and not to harm you. These plans are for a future with hope. Just put your trust in Him.

Dear Heavenly Father, we ask that you bless our dear sister Rebecca right now. I ask that you give her the strength to withstand what she is facing right now. Give her good health as she prepares for her unborn child. Grant her family favor as they try to help her during this time and give her perseverance to continue to seek your face. Lord, I pray that Rebecca will submit to her husband as to the Lord. Lord, I pray Colossians 3:19 for her husband, “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” I also pray Ephesians 5:25-28 for him, ” Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” I pray that you will remove his heart of stone and give him a heart of flesh. Make him compassionate towards his wife and his unborn child for children are indeed a gift from God. Lord, I ask that you bless this couple and bring them into obedience to Your Word. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen. God bless you. Janet”

Response by Christy on April 16th, 2007 at 11:00 am
“…I am married to a non-believer and I don’t believe it was a mistake to marry him. Not the smartest move I could have made but if it were a “mistake” God wouldn’t be calling me to stand for my spouse and our marriage – and I am very sure I am to stand for his salvation and us. A lot has happened since my husband told me in July that he wanted a divorce. We aren’t restored but he has been changing – slowly. I have had many prayers answered. And some were answered quicker when I gave the situation to God. Any situation can change when God is the one in charge. Be thankful and praise God that He is the Redeemer of all things and is the Restorer of all relationships. Give Him the relationship. Ask God to take over and heal your wounds and heal your husband as well. Obviously, something has a hold on your husband (Satan, anger, hurts from the past, etc), and these things have to be let go of by your husband. God can do that. God can create a new heart in your husband. You need to ask and believe. I know it is hard to have faith right now. It was for me in the beginning. I still have rough days but knowing that I am doing the right thing by praying for restoration and trying my best to keep my relationship with God first – these things keep me going and I know things will work out and one day I will get my spouse back and he will be saved as well.

Things can work out for you too. Keep praying and keep believing. But while you are asking God to take control of your marriage and your husband, be sure to let Him take control of you as well. I had to change also to start seeing changes in my spouse. I know your situation is very different but, even though the changes may not need to be as great in you, sometimes God starts with the one standing then the changes in the “prodigal” spouse start to happen. Hang in there because God works best in what seems to be impossible situations!”

Response by Linda Wattu on April 16th, 2007 at 4:31 pm
“Janet and Christy, thank you so much for responding to Rebecca and sharing your hearts and wisdom with her. I know she appreciates it.

And, Christy even though you explained why you are so sensitive about using the Word mistake, and I’m pretty sure you already know that I agree that ANY situation is redeemable; it’s important to note for clarification – that happens only if we acknowledge our sin (mistakes) and ask the Lord for His forgiveness and then make a commitment to live in accordance with what His Word teaches. But any time we go against the written Word of God, we indeed make a serious mistake and will have to live with the consequences. And it’s very important to understand that God’s willingness and ability to turn our sin and mistakes (which Satan intended for evil) into good and something that works for HIS glory, in no way indicates or means we didn’t sin or make mistakes. In fact, as I have since shared privately with Rebecca, I too made the same mistake of marrying a man I had sufficient evidence to know was not saved, even though he told me he was, and that he had in fact even been baptized. So I too suffered the consequences of disobedience to the Lord’s command not to be unequally yoked. But I had to acknowledge that sin and that it was a mistake in order to be truly repentant before the Lord and receive His mercy and grace. And it was because I recognized my sin and all the mistakes I made, and then made a commitment to do things God’s way from that time on, that God has since literally used ALL of my mistakes to later help me lead my husband to salvation, and then me into this ministry. So my mistakes (sin against the Word of God and failure to act in accordance with it as a wife), my repentance and then faith and obedience to the Lord’s Word, has most certainly proven that God can and will redeem and turn our sin and mistakes into something very God glorifying Genesis 50:20). But NONE of that would be possible without first acknowledging that it was a mistake to do something contrary to God’s Word, so it is important for all of us to humble ourselves before the Lord and say that we’ve made mistakes and sinned against Him, asking for His forgiveness and thanking Him for the confidence we have that He will be faithful to His most awesome promise to all of us in Isaiah 55 . So, please don’t let any of the pain or issues from your past keep you from understanding and acknowledging that, as Christians, we do make a mistake when we marry an unsaved person according to 2 Corinthians 6:14, which says Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? Then, having acknowledged that and asking God’s forgiveness, we can indeed be blessed as God takes even our sin of disobedience and works it to our good and for the glory of Jesus. But He does want us to acknowledge our disobedience and make a commitment to turn from it and live in obedience from that time on. Also, the Bible has some very specific instructions concerning being unequally yoked in 1 Corinthians 13. And we see just one of the examples provided in the Bible of how God expects us to honor our vows and oaths, even when they are made in error, through lack of good judgment, or as the result of being misled or deceived in Joshua 9. Since this is such an important topic and something that affects so many of us in the ministry, I really appreciate how you shared your thoughts about it here, because I will write a SOF post about it in the coming days. We all have to remember that the Lord tells us NOT to lean to our own understanding on these matters; that we have to look to His Word for guidance and instruction and that our opinions must be based on that, and then to do things according to what He teaches as we trust Him with all of our hearts (Proverbs 3:5-6). And I love how the Lord uses the experiences of one of us to help all of us grow in our understanding of His Word and nature.

Rebecca, I sincerely hope this helps you as well. I love and appreciate you all. Be blessed and encouraged!”

Posted Wednesday, April 18th, 2007 at 1:25 pm in Seeds Of Faith.