What a Difference Humility Makes!
As always, I’m just blown away by how God is ever so faithful to uphold and confirm His Word and the messages He wants to get across to us, which we’ve really been blessed to witness in a very powerful way once again! There always seems to be some kind of theme running through the ministry, and over the past week or so, the theme seems to be overcoming our flesh and crushing our pride, and even more particularly about recognizing our mistakes and acknowledging them before our spouses as we LET THEM GO. We have several FAM members in the middle of divorce processes and that’s NEVER easy to handle the way the Bible teaches instead of the way the world (including Christian leaders) encourages and condones. But we can’t do things the way of the world and expect to get God’s results. So we’ve had a bit of discussion about that on the private website over the past week, and I’ve been discussing it in even more detail in numerous private conversations.
The day before MNO (member name omitted) was to meet her husband for the first time in months, one of our ladies with a restored marriage shared a very powerful testimony about her own experience in response to something I wrote in response to another member’s post, and she shared with me how much of an impact that had on her and how it helped her realize that she needed to make some changes; particularly in terms of her responsibility to shield her children from adult issues and that she needed to encourage them to have a healthy and respectful relationship with their father. (It’s neat how God works that way!) She had been resisting her husband’s efforts to go ahead with a divorce and was really struggling with her pride and feelings of victimization when she joined the fellowship a month ago. But she very quickly decided to stop trying to stall and delay the divorce and to stop fighting her husband, and it’s been amazing to witness how their relationship immediately changed as the Lord started working on both of their hearts.. She had even expressed concern because she didn’t think she still felt the same way about her husband, but I assured her that when the time was right, all of those feelings would just come rushing back like a flood. I think God helps us deal with the pain of separation and divorce sometimes by using what I call “Holy anesthesia” so we don’t feel the pain so much; but when the time is right, it really does just come rushing back and usually stronger than ever! Anyway, MNO shared the following praise testimony on the private website last night, and I greatly appreciate her permission to share it here, because it’s such a powerful testimony of God’s unfailing faithfulness to lift us up when we humble ourselves under His mighty hand and submit to doing things HIS way instead of the way of our flesh…our pride! Of course, that is exactly what 1 Peter 5:5-6 assures us will happen, because it says Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Well, I’d say that God certainly lifted MNO up in “due time!”
I saw my husband today for the first time in months, when he came over to sign a legal document regarding refinancing our house. And I thought he would come and leave as usual. My lawyer had instructed me that he should pay half of the refinance cost, and even though he was signing it, he didn’t want to share the finance charges. I was so upset and could feel the old me getting ready to yell and scream about why he wouldn’t pay. But I thought it wise to turn around for a second as I closed my eyes and prayed for God to give me strength, guidance, and wisdom. I turned back around and let it go. Yes, I said I let it go and just decided that I wasn’t going to allow myself to get angry.
Then as I held the legal document in my hand, I thanked him and expressed my appreciation for all that he’s done for our family. And then something else happened; I began to apologize for never saying “thank you.” I said that I had never thanked him for the beautiful house he gave me; for all that he’s done for me, including only asking for a minimal amount of money to cash out on our house. I apologized for taking him for granted and for never even letting those words come out of my mouth. He looked totally stunned as we looked into each others’ eyes. And he looked upset and moved by what I was saying as I continued to tell him how life is funny; how we all take things for granted. I told him that I was sorry that I never realized all that he had done for me, our family, and how much he tolerated without ever hearing those words from me. I told him that I realized all that he’s given up for me and our children; that he is a very intelligent man and knows all that he had given up, including offering to leave me as his beneficiary. I told him that our house is something we both could leave for our kids; that I never realized the things he gave and never once thought to say thank you for working, and for taking care of me even when I was ungrateful. SNO (spouse name omitted) looked so stunned and quite moved as I looked into his eyes and agreed as he shook his head and said “Yes.” He said “Yeah, this is a beautiful house.”
I even explained that I hadn’t shown him much respect while we were married; so the least I could do was show him the respect he was due through this divorce. And I said that I would always make sure that the kids knew that the house is our gift from him and that I could trust him with anything and knew that he would always do the best for our family. Then the words came out “I’m so sorry for it all and for never saying ‘thank you’ or ‘I appreciate you’.” Once again, he looked moved, and it took everything I had not to cry. I asked him if I should call our son in and he said no.
I gave him soccer pictures of our kids and he asked if anyone was going to be at their games; like my parents, aunts, or cousins. I told him that if he didn’t want anyone else there, I could guarantee that they wouldn’t be there and that all he ever has to do is say and never ask. I told him I would respect his wishes. I explained that if he ever needed or wanted anything, he never had to ask and to just tell me. We talked about my trip last week, last week’s soccer games and my new job. Also, I thanked him for taking care of me when I didn’t have the maturity to take care of myself or even to help him out by working more hours at work. We both agreed that where our life insurances and pensions are concerned, we want them to go to each other and our children.
This was one of the best conversations we’ve had in years. I told him he looked good and he thanked me for the compliment. I literally fell back in love with my husband as he looked confused by what I was saying. He looked as though he hasn’t been sleeping, tired, and a lot older. At some point, I asked if he thought we should put trees in the back yard, explaining that I value his opinion. He asked “We?” And I said this will always be our house and I hope I didn’t offend him by referring to it that way. But he said that he had no problem with that. This had to be the longest conversation we’ve had alone in a long time and it’s the first time we were alone in about a year and a half.
I learned today that I can put my husband before myself, my pride, and even my own selfish agenda. And I reconnected with someone I’ve missed for such a long time; discovering the SNO I fell in love with so long ago. I never thought I could see my husband change and soften right in front of my very eyes. But when we looked into each others’ eyes I saw the man I had hurt, taken for granted, and never once put before myself. Thank you, God, for blessing me with the love, wisdom, and guidance necessary to act like a wife today. It was by my dying to self tonight and humbling myself under the mighty hand of God and before my husband as I apologized, sincerely complemented him, and showed my husband the respect he is due that a different man left our home tonight.
Even before MNO had called to tell me about how her meeting with her husband went, I had decided to check the archived Seeds Of Faith messages to see what I had written about pride in the past and asked our secretary, who has the titles cataloged by links, to send me what she had on pride. And I really couldn’t believe it when I read Overcoming Pride! I couldn’t believe how appropriate and timely that EXACT same message was for yesterday, so I decided to republish it and was actually in the process of doing that when MNO called. She told me about her meeting with her husband and I told her that I couldn’t believe what a powerful example that was of overcoming pride and how that was what the /SOF post was going to be about! So I asked her to write a post for the private site, which she would have eventually done, but I wanted to share it here along with the above Seeds Of Faith post from over two years ago. So I hope and pray that we all can learn from MNO’s powerful testimony of how God works when we humble ourselves before our spouses and in trust and obedience to him…what a difference humility makes! To the extent we get that and put it into practice, we will be blessed and encouraged!