As the ministry continues to grow and even more demands are made on my time, abilities and energy, we’ve made some exciting changes in the private fellowship to try to compensate for that. And one of the most exciting changes is in the format we’ll be using for our conference calls, as well as changing to a rotating schedule between Wednesday and Friday nights so even more members can participate in the calls.
The new format for alternate calls will be devoted to focusing on better understanding the basic principles of marriage restoration as taught and promoted in the Bible, and we’re having our first “Restoration Principles” call tonight, so I’m very much looking forward to the call and want to share the following excerpt from the post we’ll be using as a guideline here and hope you’ll all be blessed and encouraged in the Word of God and His faithfulness as well!
On tonight’s call, we’ll be delving into the first and most important, yet most challenging principle of all…LETTING GO! The one and only passage of scripture that very specifically tells us in unambiguous detail WHAT to do when our spouse leaves is 1 Corinthians 7:15-16, which says:
15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.
16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
First, to fully understand the meaning of this scripture, it’s imperative to read it in the full context of the entire chapter of 1 Corinthians 7, and as always, in the full context of the ENTIRE Word of God. By doing that, we can see that Paul is in NO way saying that abandoned spouses are “free” to go on and remarry just because their spouse left them; in fact, verse 16 actually reveals God’s concern in such circumstances–saving the spouse that leaves and ultimately commits adultery (INCLUDING US). And if we’re ever tempted to doubt that or counseled in any way contrary to that, all we have to do is read Proverbs 5, knowing that God’s Word NEVER goes out of His mouth or returns to Him without accomplishing exactly what it says (Isaiah 46:10-11 and Isaiah 55:10-11), to more fully understand the consequences GOD has established for adultery and realize that our stand for marriage restoration, like ALL THINGS with the Lord, is NOT ABOUT US!!! Then to drive that point home even more powerfully and graphically, we just have to read Proverbs 6:20-35 and Proverbs 7! God even shows us HOW to “let go” and the part WE play in HIS plan for marriage restoration, which Peter quite specifically spelled out in 1 Peter 3. It’s also important to know that the Greek word used for bound in verse 15, douloo, refers to being enslaved (also used in Acts 7:6 and 2 Peter 2:19) and is not the same Greek word Paul used later in verse 39 and again in Romans 7:1-3, deo, which refers to a mutual commitment or agreement/covenant as in a contract.
Additionally, God’s meaning and intent in telling us to LET our spouses go when they depart is understood more clearly by reading 1 Corinthians 7:32-35, which says:
32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord.
33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—
34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.
35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
So the meaning of God’s command to let our spouses go when they leave, and His declaration that we’re not bound in such circumstances and called to live in peace, really just means that we have to turn them over to the work GOD is doing in their hearts and lives and that as long as they are not living with us as their spouses, God’s command and expectation regarding our marital/sexual obligation to them ceases during that time, along with our obligation to concern ourselves with pleasing them and the need that naturally creates to be more concerned with the affairs of this world. However, that does NOT mean we can dishonor or be disrespectful or fail to love our spouses UNCONDITIONALLY as instructed in Ephesians 5:21-32, and in 1 Peter 4:8, Proverbs 10:12, Proverbs 17:9 and 1 Corinthians 13:4-8! Instead, this is time GOD purposefully orchestrated in our lives and circumstances to teach us to serve and worship HIM with undivided devotion and to focus on growing in our personal walk and relationship with Him, as HE molds and reshapes us into the vessels we were always intended to be for His good purpose and glory! And it’s not by any means just a coincidence that doing that is also the ONLY thing that will properly and adequately prepare US for the restored marriages God has planned for us.
Finally, to sum up the meaning of the entire chapter of 1 Corinthians 7, and to make absolutely certain that nothing previously stated in what he had written could be twisted or misconstrued in any way, Paul concluded his instructions regarding marriage, separation and remarriage in 1 Corinthians 7:39 by saying:
:A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.
SO putting that together with the first thing Paul said about marital separation in this passage of scripture in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 and how he ended the passage restating the same thing, it’s not REASONABLY possible to conclude that he in any way meant or intended to say that we’re free to just pick up the pieces of our lives and move on just because our spouses abandon and leave us; much less to divorce them. Therefore, letting go does NOT mean “move on”…”you deserve better”…”God doesn’t want you to be unhappy”…”he/she isn’t worth it” or the myriad of other reasons we’re all given/and even consider for giving up on the power and promise of God’s Word and His unfailing faithfulness to bring it to pass in even those that appear to be the most impossible of all circumstances! Either we believe, trust and obey God or we don’t and that’s the ONLY thing that really counts as we profess to love God, our spouses and to stand for the restoration of our marriages. However, it DOES mean that we have to get out of God’s way instead of standing in the way of sinners (as we tend to readily see our spouses while not seeing ourselves in the same light of God’s Word) and trying to block and hinder what we perceive as “their” sinful conduct rather than handing them over to the devil and the work GOD will do IN that process; all of which is addressed and clearly spelled out in Psalm 1:1 and 1 Corinthians 5:5, as well as in Hosea 2 and Luke 15:11-32. This is in fact the time God intends to deal with OUR sins and shortcomings so that WE can be all He created and intends us to be as Christians, parents and spouses. On the other hand, as long as we insist on desperately holding onto broken marriages and trying to “fix” and dictate the things our spouses feel, say and do or don’t (including what WE think GOD should do to and in them), we’re just allowing the devil to distract us from the work God longs to do in US and are in fact just settling for what the devil wants us to have instead of what Jesus sacrificed to make possible for us. And make no mistake…none of us will ever have more than we’re willing to settle for, so I hope and pray that none of us will ever settle for the devil’s lot and plan instead of patiently and expectantly waiting for God’s perfect and most glorious plan to be manifested in our lives and marriages!
Since letting go and all that entails is the single most important principle of restoration, and the one on which all others rely as WE simply stand in faith and obedience on the power and promise of God’s Word for marriage restoration, I really hope to have many of you on the call tonight; including “older” members who can share how God has worked to bring and enable you to understand and walk this out in your stand and even more so after the restoration of your marriages. Remember, if we don’t use what God has given and blessed us with for the comfort of others and to expand and magnify His kingdom and glory, just as HE has declared, He WILL take what He has given us and give it to those who will (Matthew 25:14-25, Luke 12:47-48 and James 4:3).