I’d like to remind everyone that the movie Fireproof will be opening in theatres all over the United States this weekend and to encourage everyone standing for marriage restoration to go see it and to take as many friends and family members as you can along with you. You can learn more about the movie and why it’s so important to attend this weekend in particular at this link.

Everyone I’ve talked to who has already seen the movie is very impressed with it and very excited about the impact it will have on many men and women in terms of revealing GOD’S plan for marriage and that with God, all things are possible, including the restoration of marriages that appear to be beyond repair.

I truly believe that this is one of the most significant opportunities those of us who have an interest in marriage restoration have to make a meaningful difference in our culture, so I hope and pray that theatres all over the country will be packed this weekend and that we will all take a stand that really counts. If this movie is deemed a “box office hit” by the powers that be, it will send a powerful message that marriage and family still matters in this country as little else could and many who might not otherwise ever hear of marriage restoration will be given hope and new direction in their troubled marriages for the first time. So let’s DO it! And you can find out where Fireprrof is playing at the above link, as well as watch the movie trailer. Be blessed and encouraged and pray that the Lord will soften and prepare the hearts of men and women seeing the movie and that they will receive the message that Jesus saves!

(Note from Linda: The following was posted on the private website over the weekend and really struck a cord with so many of the FAM members, as I’m sure it will with so many. So I thank MNO (member name omitted) for permission to post it here as well. The Bible makes it unmistakably clear that we MUST forgive our spouses, the NCPs (non-covenant person) and everyone else, and that until we do, we might as well not expect the Lord to hear and answer our prayers for anything, much less the restoration of our marriages. So I hope and pray that MNO’s message will bless and encourage everyone as you realize how important forgiveness is and what a difference it makes when we do!)

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For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:14-16 NIV)

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. (Mark 11:25 NIV)

Throughout my journey TO complete marriage restoration, FORGIVENESS has been on the forefront. Like many STANDING spouses, I’ve had to deal with forgiveness in a way I never imagined. After all, I come from a long line of family members who have been married for years. So for me, separation and most certainly divorce was never an option. Both my spouse’s parents and mine had been married for more years than we had existed when we were married in our early twenties. Nevertheless, the UNTHINKABLE happened!

So I had to reach deep down within myself to find the courage in faith to forgive my husband for what many consider THE “unpardonable” sin, according to the world’s standards. And even in Christendom, many spiritual leaders and lay people are quick to point men and women in our circumstances, to Matthew 5:32 , 19:9 and 1 Corinthians 7:15, as a “way of escape” as they encourage us to be realistic and not to deny the reality of our situation. But they rarely acknowledge or refer us to the instruction found in Malachi 2; much less the fact that God HATES divorce and the treachery of marital separation; or to the majority of passages of scripture on the subject that make it very clear that God views marriage as a lifetime covenant and commitment, as declared in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, Matthew 9:4-6 and Romans 7:2-3, along with many others. Unfortunately, they don’t believe what Jesus said in Matthew 19:26, which says Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

But as standers, we do believe that and even though the reality of a stander’s situation may appear more like Mission Impossible to everyone else; to us it’s more about getting Back To The Future. It’s about walking in faith and holding on to the promises of our God-ordained futures that we know already exists instead of looking back at the past or allowing our present circumstances to determine our destiny.

Yet as we seek to move forward with expectancy, we have to work through forgiveness from a two-fold perspective, because just as we find the grace and strength to forgive our spouses, we have to forgive ourselves as well. I remember the first time God allowed me to really see how I had inadvertently contributed to the failure of my marriage, and how at that moment, I went before God and said “God, I thank you for forgiving me, when I didn’t even think I needed forgiveness. God I thank you for forgiving the ways I contributed to the breakdown of my marriage. Forgive me for those times I took my husband for granted. Forgive me for those times I hurt him with my tongue. Forgive me for those times I didn’t build him up as much as I could have and should have, and as much as I know he needed me to. Lord, forgive me for not praying for him as I should have been. Forgive me for not calling him forth as a mighty man of God as I should’ve. Forgive me for neglecting him in ways I didn’t even know I could. Forgive me, God, for all of the ways I know now and all of the ways I have not yet recognized as contributing factors to the breakdown of my marriage.”

Then came the moment when I had to look into the mirror and say “God, help me to forgive myself. Help me to forgive myself for not recognizing the signs of a marriage gone bad. Forgive me for not going out of my way to make sure that my husband and I remained in close partnership and communication while we were apart. Forgive me for allowing my marriage to fall right into the hands of the enemy. FORGIVE ME GOD!”

And months later, God moved me into the next phase of forgiveness, which is so much easier said than done for most of us…forgetting. How do we forget the devastation of knowing that our spouses have been unfaithful? How do we forget hearing the words STANDERS often hear; “I don’t love you anymore. I’ve fallen in love with someone else.”? Only by learning to walk in faith and cast down every imagination that exalts itself above the knowledge of our God (2 Corinthians 10:5) and His promises for us and by believing that God will give us whatever we need to prosper as we move forward with our lives expecting a MIRACLE.

For me, that means daily declaring and decreeing that I walk in forgiveness and love toward my spouse. But the other strategy God gave me Whenever the enemy attempts to launch fiery darts of past conversations and imaginary images into my mind is to simply and as a matter of fact declare that “I forgive my spouse.”. As these declarations come out of my mouth and even into my thoughts, GOD CAUSES LIFE TO COME FORTH (Proverbs 18:21) out of a seemingly dead situation. And we have to realize that our words are just as powerful as God’s words when we speak HIS words in FAITH. That’s why it is so important to pray the scriptures that apply to us over ourselves, our marriages and our spouses. God’s word will not return to Him void! His words WILL accomplish everything He sent them to do (Isaiah 55:11)!

As I continued to ponder on what it really means to FORGIVE AND FORGET, God kept stressing that true forgiveness IS forgetting! That’s right; since God says he will never recall our sins (Hebrews 8:10-13) and he requires us to forgive others in order that He may also forgive us; then we truly have to work on forgetting everything that hurts and disappoints us. And that’s the only way we can avoid holding it against our spouses when God brings them back home.

For me, that meant deleting every email between my husband and me in which so many fiery darts were sent my way as he tried to explain and justify how this all happened. I woke up one morning after completing a three day fast and KNEW that it was time to DELETE away; realizing that holding on to the emails symbolized my holding on to the past, pain and disappointment, and to unforgiveness. And as standers, none of us can afford to do that. Too much is at stake.

So if you’re having trouble truly forgiving and forgetting, ask God to reveal to you a unique strategy that works for you so you can wake up every day knowing that you are indeed one step and one day closer to the manifestation of your marriage restoration and reconciliation MIRACLE.

Dear Lord,

As we STAND IN FAITH, show us how to truly FORGIVE IN FAITH AND FORGET IT! Help us not lean to our own understanding as we STAND and believe You for the total restoration of our marriages. God, I know that You are able to restore and bring new life to every dead thing. So we STAND TALL AND FIRM on the power and promise of Your Word for the RESTORATION OF our marriages to our dear spouses, for which You have called us to stand.

Thank You for restoring every area of our marriages by first restoring us each individually. Thank You,God, for restoring and upgrading our relationships with YOU. And we thank You that what You are doing and about to do in our marriages will exist as a TESTIMONY of what YOU ARE ABLE TO DO, if we only believe and allow YOU to work in us first.

God, I thank You that no weapon formed against our marriages shall prosper. I thank You that what you have put together between me and my spouse, can’t be put asunder because You ordained our marriages and YOU are upholding our covenants with You and our spouses.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

The following Seeds Of Faith post was written by one of the FAM Fellowship members almost one year ago, which I want to share again because it’s SO timely and a new response to it was posted last week with an awesome marriage restoration testimony. I was totally amazed when I went back to read it again, because it ended up being so prophetic! Paula’s husband has been on a very rocky journey over the past year and recently moved back home to live because he has nowhere else to go, which we see happening more and more these days. So read God Will Bring Our Spouses To Their Senses – A Message from King Nebuchadnezzar – By Paula and I know you will be blessed and encouraged!

I just have to share this POWERFUL and TIMELY message from Marsha Burns from the Spirit of Prophecy website! Be blessed and encouraged!

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Small Straws In A Soft Wind by Marsha Burns — September 23, 2008: As you prepare to enter a new spiritual year, you can and must choose what to take with you and what to leave behind. It will benefit you to take all that you have learned through the fiery trials you have endured – – the things that have enhanced your understanding and spiritual strength. And, leave behind all that has undermined your confidence and boldness in My kingdom, says the Lord, — the things that left you with feelings of condemnation and failure. It will be like sorting fruit when you keep what is good and throw out what is rotten.
Jeremiah 24:3-7 Then the LORD said to me, “What do you see, Jeremiah?” And I said, “Figs, the good figs, very good; and the bad, very bad, which cannot be eaten, they are so bad.” Again the word of the LORD came to me, saying, “Thus says the LORD, the God of Israel: Like these good figs, so will I acknowledge those who are carried away captive from Judah, whom I have sent out of this place for their own good, into the land of the Chaldeans. For I will set My eyes on them for good, and I will bring them back to this land; I will build them and not pull them down, and I will plant them and not pluck them up. Then I will give them a heart to know Me, that I am the LORD; and they shall be My people, and I will be their God, for they shall return to Me with their whole heart.”
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You can read and sign up to receive powerful messages from Bill and Marsha Burns by email at this link.

(Note from Linda: The FAM members have truly been blessed to watch the Lord at work in the restoration of two families that were totally devastated by a non-covenant relationship that led to two divorces and a non-covenant marriage. MNO (member name omitted) has a very powerful testimony of how the Lord spoke first to her non-covenant husband and then to her, and convicted both of them that they needed to return to their covenant spouses if they would have them. The legal dissolution of that marriage will be final this week and both are standing on the power and promise of God’s Word for healing and the restoration of their covenant marriages. It’s truly been a great blessing to see how MNO moved from uncertainty about what to do (even wondering if she should stand for her second marriage) to the understanding and confidence she now has in the truth of God’s Word and will; not to mention so much love, admiration and respect for her husband. And what a blessing her very unique insight has been to everyone in the fellowship; such as the following message she shared this morning. I know it will be a great source of insight to all who read it, so be blessed and encouraged! Thanks, MNO! I know the Lord will bless you so abundantly for the great praise, honor and glory you bring to His name; so just as we’re told in Genesis 50:20 and Romans 8:28, God ALWAYS meant it all for good and the saving of many!)

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Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5)

Sometimes it is hard not to lean on your own understanding about what is happening on the other side of the mountain; but as a former prodigal, I can tell you that image of happiness is fake; nothing but an act, and all of the hurtful words come from frustration.

I tried to make everyone believe I was happy; I made myself believe I was, even though I can’t count the many times I cried myself to sleep or the number of times I would dream about returning to my covenant husband. But despite that, the hardest thought to deal with was the fact that I walked out on my husband of fourteen years and hurt not only him, but his family, my family, and all of our friends.

I grew up in a Christian home, so I questioned how I could let this happen. I knew how God felt about divorce and adultery, but that wasn’t enough to keep the devil from making me believe I was doing the right thing, because all that really mattered was MY happiness. I couldn’t understand why everyone didn’t understand that. Didn’t they want me to be happy?

Is that what your prodigal is saying to you? “I am not happy. Don’t you care about my happiness? How can you be so selfish?” I’m sure many of you have heard those words. I know I said them numerous times. And yet, in my mind I knew I shouldn’t be saying them, but I had to try anything and everything to “validate” what I was doing. I made up lie after lie to make people feel sorry for me; to try and make them understand. I even told my husband that I was never happy in our marriage. It’s amazing how we could be married for fourteen years and all of the sudden I came to the conclusion that I was never happy. Or have you heard the words “I love you, but I’m not in love with you?” What does that really mean? It means “I love you, I have always loved you, and I will always love you. But I am being deceived by the evil one and I must go. I cannot stay here. Please pray for me, pray that I will be convicted, pray that God will call me back home.”

The dynamics of my non-covenant marriage changed the minute my husband and his first wife started showing respect to each other, because I became very insecure and threatened by that. Before that, they argued constantly on the phone, and I was always happiest when they were not getting along. Wives, are you showing respect to your husband as it says in Ephesians 5:33, and husbands do you love your wives as you love yourself as it says in Ephesians 5:28-29? I can tell you from experience that when you do, the non-covenant partner will become threatened by your actions. I felt much safer when fiery darts were being launched instead of honoring words and actions of respect.

God loves each and everyone of us, even me, the former prodigal. And God has promised us marriage restoration, so do not worry about what is happening on the other side of the mountain; He has it all taken care of. Appearances can be very deceiving, and prodigals can even fool themselves into thinking they are happy, but God knows the truth, even when we can’t see it.

It’s so exciting when the Lord reveals a much deeper meaning, if not even a totally different meaning for a familiar passage in the Bible than what we’ve heard most of our lives. And one such passage the Lord spoke to me about a while back is James 2:14-18, which says What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.

Even though I’ve never quite understood why, this passage usually leads to a debate about whether we are saved by grace or by works; perhaps because other translations say “Faith without works is dead.” Yet, by reading this passage in context, it’s difficult to understand what that’s based on, so it’s a little like the age old question, which came first, the chicken or the egg.. But by reading James 2 in its entirety, it’s obvious that the meaning of this passage is that if we say we have faith and our actions and words don’t line up with what we profess to believe, then we really don’t believe it, and our faith is dead; or as the old saying goes, “actions speak louder than words!”

So as men and women standing on the power and promise of God’s Word for the restoration of our marriages and families, it’s important to examine our actions, the things we say and do, to make sure that our actions line up with our words; that we’re actually walking the talk instead of just talking the talk. And according to Hebrews 11:6, it’s really important to fully understand faith, what it is and what it isn’t, because it says And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. And it’s pretty hard to think of “coming to Jesus” without considering what He said in Matthew 19:14, which says Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” As I thought of that in this context, I was reminded of children believing and expecting that Christmas is coming on December 25th and wholeheartedly and eagerly anticipating the gifts they will receive; just as we should expect to receive everything God has promised to give us when we trust and obey Him. It NEVER even occurs to most children that there’s any other possibility than complete joy and excitement when the long awaited day arrives, so they just mark time as they eagerly and joyfully wait for it. Sadly, poor children are often the exception; just as those without faith are the exception and not able to eagerly and joyfully wait for the full and complete restoration of their marriages, even though God promises that our marriages will be better than what we had before and so much better than anything we could ever ask or imagine! So what’s the difference? Nothing but belief and unbelief; a lack of faith and that’s all. One believes and one doesn’t. Yet, the following passages of scripture make the danger of unbelief and faith without action very clear:

Hebrews 10:38 – But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.”

Matthew 13:58 – And he did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith.

Matthew 9:29 – Then he touched their eyes and said, “According to your faith will it be done to you”;

Unfortunately, we’re all too familiar with fear and doubt because they are definite faith killers and keep us from walking in the victory Jesus came to give us. And the more time spent fearing and dreading everything so contrary to the power and promise of God’s Word, the more likely we are to confirm the powerful truth of Job 3:25, where Job said What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me. So instead of living with fear and dread, we need to remember and claim God’s awesome promise in Isaiah 41:10-11, which says So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. “All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish. And there’s no way to read James 1:2-8 without realizing the danger of doubt and failure to persevere in faith as we stand for our marriages, because it says Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

Obviously, none of us can afford to let lack of faith and unbelief keep us from what God is so ready to give us if only we would trust and obey. But the only way to persevere in the faith needed to stand effectively for the full and complete restoration of our marriages and families is to get serious about God’s Word, which we know based on Romans 10:17, which says Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ. And the vital necessity of God’s Word is made abundantly clear in Matthew 4:4, which says Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'” And that’s particularly important to understand since 2 Corinthians 5:7 says We live by faith, not by sight. So when we live by sight, we are NOT living by faith and we should not be surprised that our actions and everything we say and do just expose our lack of faith and unbelief. But God expects us to “believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him” and when we have a hunger for His Word, that’s really easy and we will indeed be blessed and encouraged as we persevere in faith and lack nothing, including the marriages of our hearts’ desire!

Recent conversations with several FAM Fellowship members have been about prayer and what we shouldn’t and shouldn’t be praying, so I felt led to go back and reread the Lord’s Prayer again; remembering that Jesus had given it as an example of HOW we should pray. And since I’ve always felt uncomfortable reciting it in “group” prayer because it seems like the words are just memorized and spoken without much thought given to their meaning, reading Jesus’ warning against vain repetitious prayer made me feel better about that. So we all need to carefully consider how Jesus taught us to pray and do our best to rely on it as a guideline, because there are a lot of important things to note about what He taught, and the first is that He wants our prayers to come from our hearts and to magnify Him and NOT to be little more than memorized words that we don’t even take the time to consider the meaning of.. Furthermore, He taught that our prayers shouldn’t be long, wordy or just a laundry list of the things we want or think we need, much less a means of telling God how to do HIS business instead of expressing our willingness to submit to HIS will regardless of what it is.

So reading and carefully considering Matthew 67-15 (NKJV) is the best way to understand how God wants us to pray, because that’s where Jesus taught: And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do. For they think that they will be heard for their many words. “Therefore do not be like them. For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him. In this manner, therefore, pray: Our Father in heaven, Hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done On earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, As we forgive our debtors. And do not lead us into temptation, But deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen. “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

As I reread this passage of scripture again, I was struck with a new understanding of how Jesus taught us to HUMBLE ourselves before God as we pray; recognizing and acknowledging WHO He is, the holiness and authority of His name, that His kingdom does and always will reign, and His absolute power in both heaven and earth. And that reminded me of how God repeatedly warns us that He OPPOSES and will bring low the proud, and that when we HUMBLE ourselves under HIS mighty hand, He will lift us up in due time (1 Peter 5:5-6). And it certainly takes humility to overcome our flesh and truly acknowledge who God is and how totally reliant and dependant we are on Him for EVERYTHING and to submit and surrender to HIS will in our lives, which is what Jesus taught us to do when we pray. That’s also what He said we have to do to follow Him according to Luke 9:23, where Jesus said Then he said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. Obviously, Jesus knew and understood that we would have to crucify our flesh every day, and probably many times a day, just to trust and obey God.

And Jesus’ instruction to pray for God to forgive our debts (sin and trespasses) as WE forgive our debtors (those who sin and trespass against us) is particularly significant, especially since it confirms many other passages throughout the Bible making it very clear that the only thing God wants to hear from us concerning sin is our own repentance and request for forgiveness; like His counsel to remove the plank from our own eye before trying to help someone else remove the speck in their eye (Matthew 7:2-4); let him who is without sin cast the first stone (John 8:1-11); and that we’re ready to deal with the disobedience of others when our obedience is made complete (2 Corinthians 10:3-6), along with many other scriptural references to being forgiven and judged as we forgive and judge others, such as Luke 6:27-42.

Yet, even more significantly, I noticed something this time which I never fully understood the importance of before, and it’s something that is not typically taught about seeking forgiveness for our own sin. Yes, we all probably know that Jesus taught that we would be forgiven as we forgive others, but do we fully realize and accept that Jesus ALSO very specifically taught that if we DON’T forgive others, then God WON’T forgive us? Well, that is very precisely and unmistakably what Jesus taught in the above passage as He taught about prayer; he said For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. So when we teach and promote that forgiveness of sin just requires that we confess our sins, repent and ask God to forgive us, that is not scripturally sound because it ignores what Jesus stated so unequivocally in Matthew 6:15, which in the NIV says But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. So how blessed and fortunate we are to know that we can indeed do ALL things through Christ Jesus who strengthens us and that HIS grace is sufficient, because we have all struggled with forgiveness; particularly as God has forgiven us, which numerous passages make clear also means forgetting. For more about that, read Behold, I WILL DO a NEW Thing!, a previous Seeds Of Faith post.

Then another thing the Lord strongly confirmed as I reread this passage of scripture is something I’ve actually written about recently (such as Whatever It Takes!), and that’s the fact that God is in control of even the evil, wicked and bad things that happen in our lives, and that the devil can not come near us or impact our lives in any way without the express and very specific permission and authority of God Almighty. Why else would Jesus instruct us to pray And do not lead us into temptation, But deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.? And Jesus certainly knew all about that since He was led into the desert by the Holy Spirit to be tempted by the devil; as written in Matthew 4:1-11!

Finally, Jesus clearly taught that our prayers should be a LOT more focused on WHO we are praying to and a lot less focused on WHAT we’re praying for! Yet, in Philippians 4:6-7, we are told Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. That obviously requires us to have a great deal of faith and a greater understanding of WHO we are praying to as well, and WHO we have to thank for everything we have and everything we hope to have. So perhaps we need to give more thought to how our prayers tend to magnify our problems and needs instead of our great and mighty God. And there’s little doubt that God is not at all pleased or impressed when our prayers focus on the sin and/or work we think He needs to do in someone else, so we definitely need to give a lot more thought to abandoning prayers listing the sin and shortcomings of our mates and all that we want God to do to change THEM! We’d no doubt fare much better by thanking and praising God for our many blessings and by asking Him to complete His work in US; to give us forgiving and merciful hearts, to fill us with His love and goodness, to let others see HIM in us and all we say and do, to draw us into a closer walk and relationship with Him, to forgive us as we forgive those who have hurt us, to give us the strength to overcome our flesh as we walk in faith and obedience to His Word, and to THANK Him for drawing our spouses by the power of the Holy Spirit into right relationship with Him and us…ALL FOR HIS GLORY. And when we learn to pray as Jesus instructed, we can be sure that God hears and answers our prayers, that He will show us great and mighty things we do not know (Jeremiah 33:3), and that we will indeed be blessed and encouraged!

The following question about adultery and divorce was posted on the private website earlier tonight by one of our newest FAM members, and since there are probably a lot of men and women struggling with the same issues, I thought I’d share her post and my response as follows. We always have to rely on the Word of God for the answers we seek, and when we do, we will definitely be blessed and encouraged.

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I’m still struggling with my stand and the scripture in Matthew 19:8-10. I’m wondering if the Lord permits divorce for marital unfaithfulness or not? If he doesn’t permit divorce under these circumstances, then why was Joseph going to try and divorce Mary quietly when he found out she was with child? Am I misinterpreting the scripture? Why do so many Christians believe the scripture says the Lord allows divorce due to adultery?

Matthew 1:18-19 says This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

Since I’m new to my stand for my marriage, I do not want my heart to be conflicted on any matter concerning the word and my stand, so I’m looking for something to help me resolve this and find peace..

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MNO (member name omitted), it is important for all of us to know that we are standing in obedience to the Word of God and since this is not an uncommon question, it is one covered many times in previous posts and pages on the website. So I hope reading the following posts will answer your questions in more detail than we discussed yesterday.

Marriage, Divorce & Remarriage

Adultery Does Not Invalidate Or Destroy The Marriage Covenant

And your specific questions about Joseph and Mary are actually addressed in quite a bit of detail in the following post; though from a different perspective:
Is Adultery Grounds For Divorce?

And I would caution you to require anyone who offers an opinion about what the Bible teaches to show you where it is found in the Word, because any conclusion we reach and rely on that isn’t grounded in scripture is likely to lead us away from God’s plan for our lives. So I hope and pray that these posts will help answer your questions and give you the peace you seek.

(Note from Linda: The following testimony was shared on the private site yesterday, and since it’s a pretty interesting message, I asked for permission to share it here. I had previously thought the same thing about the verses mentioned here, but it probably doesn’t occur to most that Jesus meant what MNO (member name omitted) got after reading the verses again recently. It’s so awesome when we read verses we’re so familiar with again one day and the Lord shows us a totally new meaning. So I hope that everyone reading this will realize that we are called by God to the ministry of standing for marriage restoration and be blessed and encouraged!)

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I have been reading through the book of Matthew again for my daily devotions recently, and I’m so thankful and Praise God that each day He manages to show me something…a lesson, a promise, a hope, His love; something each and every day. It really has been a blessing!

A few days ago, right before SNO (spouse name omitted) told me about going overseas again, God spoke to me in Matthew 19:11-12. I’ve read this passage about divorce several times, as I’m sure many of us have. However, the really cool thing is that this time, as I read those two verses, God showed me something different. It was something new and just what I needed to hear then and to write on my heart and lean on in the next several days.

In this passage, Jesus answered the disciples’ question; they thought it would just be better not to marry at all to avoid all the “issues” marriage entails. The other times I read this passage, I felt as though Jesus was telling them that we should marry, but that there are those who do not marry for God’s purpose; that it isn’t an easy road to take, but that it is for God’s purpose that some do. Previously, I always felt that applied to some of those in ministry who never marry. But as I read this passage that time, I saw it in a totally different light. I felt as though this time God was telling me through Jesus’ wonderful words that He wasn’t just talking about those who don’t marry, but also about those who do marry. I felt that He was saying that the road of marriage would not be easy and that in the very difficult times, not everyone would stand for their marriage and give it to God for His glory…not just in the easy times but more importantly, in the hard times. I feel that He was preparing me for one of those hard times that was fast approaching, because He was about to squeeze me to reveal if my faith was just talk to those at FAMM and to Him, or also to those unbelievers who soon would be looking to me and the steadfast faith I really do have in God!

As people find out that SNO is returning overseas, I have heard different remarks from those who think I should just give up. They don’t ask for the details (not that I would give them anyway), but they openly criticize me for continuing to stand by SNO, our marriage and our family. These are loved ones and “friends” that knew about the initial situation we faced when SNO returned the last time and announced that he was leaving our family and marriage and that it involved an NCP (non covenant person) overseas. In the past two years, I have kept the details of my stand and our restoration pretty much to myself, even though a couple of close friends know more of the details and support my stand.
But for the most part, I have only shared the wonderful blessings and Praises for God when He would bless us openly. There was no need to share circumstances that didn’t matter. I knew our testimony would speak for itself. I knew God was still working and that eventually, God would bring forth the time that SNO and I would both stand in front of many and share our complete marriage restoration testimony for God’s glory.
He is in control and will share it all in His most divine time!! All I have to do is keep my eyes steadfast on Him and just believe!!!

So as this weekend passed, God reminded me of the passage in Matthew where He gave me new encouragement about marriage and standing for it, and how He said it wouldn’t be easy and was only something “to whom it has been given”…and I am one of those to whom it has been given; we all are! We didn’t give up as the world does so many times, and we are the ones to whom God has given a specific calling to bring forth His glory in the restoration of God’s covenant of marriage; to share each of our unique restoration testimonies and show the world what God’s gift of marriage is truly meant to be. Marriage was not meant to be disposed of and just one CAN make the difference! It only takes two, and in the tri-fold covenant made when we said our vows…the two are God and us! Woohoo!!! And God’s glory WILL shine brightly in all of our fully restored marriages and families.

It was and is such an encouragement to know that God knows right where I am now and what I needed to help me cement my feet in my stand for His glory! In The Message translation, the passage ends with “…if you’re capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it.” Well, through God’s grace and love, I am capable of growing in the largeness of marriage! So I plan on standing firmly and using this time to learn and grow in God! I know He has great and awesome things in store for all of us! So I am just going to “do it” and BELIEVE!!!

As men and women standing for marriage restoration, we have a very important event coming up on September 26th; the opening of the movie Fireproof, starring Kirk Cameron! And Faith And Marriage Ministries is really excited about the opportunity Fireproof presents for men and women who might otherwise never hear about marriage restoration to learn that options other than divorce really do exist and that there’s always hope! The movie gives the plan of salvation too.

Since movies are deemed a success or failure, which determines whether or not they will open in other markets, based on ticket sales on opening weekend, its very important for all of us to get out to see it that weekend and to take as many people with us as we can. And even though it is a huge undertaking, we want to try to connect standers all over the United States so we can attend the movie together with other standers, so please visit Fireproof Your Marriage to learn more and find out how to do that. Let’s take a stand by doing something that could really make an immediate difference for so many other men and women now facing the devastation of separation and divorce and don’t yet know that with God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!

Recent conversations with men and women standing for marriage restoration make it painfully clear how many struggle to overcome the danger of idle time and idle words. Yet both are serious issues to God and even though the Bible doesn’t actually say so, they truly are “the devil’s workshop.”

God has placed an individual call on each of our lives and has a very specific plan for each and every day we live. But we tend to overlook that because we’re overly focused on something “big” and “miraculous.” And even though He does indeed have great and mighty plans for us, He won’t move us into that bigger and better plan until we’re faithful in the “little” things we’re all called to do. God’s Word tells us how to do things a certain way, and promises that when we do, He will do something very specific and glorious in return. So if He rewarded our disobedience with the blessing He promised even if we are disobedient, that would make a mockery of His word; and that would make Him a liar. Well, we know God is not a liar and He’s not going to be mocked, which Galatians 6:7 makes very clear, because it says Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. So if we want to reap the awesome blessings and promises of God, we need to start paying a lot more attention to whether or not we’re sowing seeds of faith and obedience by doing things HIS way instead of ours! Obviously, that means reading and studying the Bible so we know what His word teaches about His ways and what He wants us to do, because just as Deuteronomy 32:47 tells us, They are not just idle words for you—they are your life. By them you will live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to possess.” And until we demonstrate to the Lord that He can trust us to be faithful and obedient concerning the “little things” He asks and expects us to do, we have no right or reason to expect Him to bless us or trust us with more, as indicated in Luke 19:17, which says “‘Well done, my good servant!’ his master replied. ‘Because you have been trustworthy in a very small matter, take charge of ten cities.’ And Jesus very powerfully illustrated and confirmed that again in The Parable of the Talents.

So, as Ephesians 5:15-17 (AMP) instructs, we need to Look carefully then how you walk! Live purposefully and worthily and accurately, not as the unwise and witless, but as wise (sensible, intelligent people), Making the very most of the time [buying up each opportunity], because the days are evil. Therefore do not be vague and thoughtless and foolish, but understanding and firmly grasping what the will of the Lord is. And the verse before that is particularly important for men and women feeling lost, dead, or empty because their spouse has walked out on them; saying that he or she does not love them and doesn’t want anything to do with them; that they love someone else and they just want to be happy…blah, blah, blah. Yet, Ephesians 5:14 (AMP) declares Therefore He says, Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall shine (make day dawn) upon you and give you light. What an AWESOME promise, and so, so true! The Lord just wants us to awaken to Him and seek HIS direction for our lives so He can live in us and shine through us!

As most of us can testify to, idle time and idle thoughts are indeed the devil’s workshop, which he knows how to use very effectively against us as we stand for our marriages. So the following verses are just a few that give us a better understanding of how God views idleness, including idle words and thoughts (notions). They also help us understand why idle time and idle words are something to be avoided, because God expects us to “occupy” until He returns and to praise, honor and glorify Him while HE works on the restoration of our marriages and families. He just wants us to DO our part by standing in faith and obedience on the power and promise of His Word, as we TRUST Him to do exactly what His Word says.

Proverbs 31:27 – She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Isaiah 58:12-14 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings. “If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the LORD’s holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, then you will find your joy in the LORD, and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.” The mouth of the LORD has spoken.

Colossians 2:18 – Do not let anyone who delights in false humility and the worship of angels disqualify you for the prize. Such a person goes into great detail about what he has seen, and his unspiritual mind puffs him up with idle notions.

1 Thessalonians 5:14 – And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.

2 Thessalonians 3:6 – In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we command you, brothers, to keep away from every brother who is idle and does not live according to the teaching you received from us.

2 Thessalonians 3:11 – We hear that some among you are idle. They are not busy; they are busybodies.

1 Timothy 5:13 – Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to.

Luke 19:13 (KJV) – And he called his ten servants, and delivered them ten pounds, and said unto them, Occupy till I come.

During this season of our lives when God has allowed our spouses to depart, He still has a plan and purpose for us. And based on the above verses, it’s clear that doing nothing and being idle is NOT part of God’s plan, so it’s up to us to discover what He wants us to do during this time. And since God’s first commandment is to have no other God’s or idols before Him and to love Him with all of our hearts, minds, souls and strength, He obviously wants us to draw closer to Him by using this time to grow in our walk and relationship with Him. As His body, we’re here to do His work, so we need to find something to DO for HIS kingdom that will bring praise, honor and glory to His name instead of just sitting around waiting for the day our spouses come home. We can ALWAYS find some kind of volunteer work or ministry to do in His name and for His glory, including supporting, encouraging and giving comfort to others in similar circumstances. So let’s make sure we “occupy” until the Lord restores our marriages, because the more we do to praise and glorify His name, the more He gives us for His praise and glory! And since none of God’s kingdom principles EVER fail, we know that we will always reap the same harvest we sow, and a whole lot more of it!

Unfortunately, we just don’t understand and accept that EVERY word we speak actually sows seed of one kind or another and that we will end up eating their fruit; either for life or death; for blessings or curses (Proverbs 18:21). But Proverbs 4:24-25 clearly warns, Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. And 1 Peter 3:9-12 instructs, Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.” Yet many men and women standing for marriage restoration fail to understand what this means and how vitally important it is when engaged in spiritual warfare for the restoration of our marriages and families. In addition to so many verses making it abundantly clear that we are to respect and HONOR our spouses’ and cover their nakedness instead of exposing their sins, failures and weaknesses, the above verses make it just as clear that God hates gossip and any kind of perverse or corrupt and idle conversation. So it’s very distressing to hear spouses indulging in or repeating every detail of conversations they’ve had with family members, friends and others about their spouses; what they’re doing or not doing and any information they can share or get concerning their spouses’ activities or even what others think about them and what they’re doing. Yet, ANY and ALL conversation of that nature is TOTALLY against everything the Bible teaches about love and marriage; such as 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 , 1 Peter 3:1-12 and all of Ephesians 5. And when we fully understand what the Bible teaches, we realize that God is not at all pleased when our sin consciousness is toward sin other than our own, which is made VERY CLEAR by reading Matthew 7:1-5, John 8:1-11, Luke 18:9-14 and 2 Corinthians 10:6. And it’s not enough just to refrain from initiating disparaging conversation about our spouses, so there are no good excuses for participating in such conversations; like the ones I often hear…”But I didn’t ask…” or “Well, they just told me…” and other such excuses. Therefore, the minute someone begins to “share” information or their opinions about our spouses, it’s up to us to change the subject and redirect the conversation, and if necessary to make it clear that we aren’t going to discuss anything to do with our spouses. And there are many polite ways to do that. It’s almost always safe to just say that we know and appreciate that they love us and are concerned about us, but that we’ve learned that we do a lot better if we just don’t discuss anything to do with our spouses and that we’d really appreciate if they would understand and respect that. Then don’t stop and give them time to respond; just continue talking and change the subject.

In addition to obedience, another important reason to avoid participating in idle and disparaging conversations (gossip) about our spouses is that the words we hear just end up being the fiery darts the devil uses against us as we continue standing for our marriages, and we’re literally the ones giving them to him when we fail to do what God so wisely instructs us to do and that’s definitely not guarding our hearts. So we should heed the wise counsel of 1 Peter 4:11, which says If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. And if we’re ever tempted to doubt how serious God is about the words we speak, just read and consider Matthew 12:35-37, which says (AND MEANS), The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”

So we have to make a greater effort to avoid the dangers of idle time and words as we live EVERY day with purpose, remembering that God’s will, plan and purpose is to bring praise, honor and glory to the name and kingdom of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! And when we do, we are the ones who are blessed and encouraged beyond belief!!!

I just want to alert everyone that gas prices are going up very significantly and rapidly in areas other than Texas. One of the FAM members just called from Alabama and gas there is already selling for $5.50 per gallon. So it might be a good idea to fill up your tanks just in case it goes up like that in other areas as well.

Needless to say, our thoughts and prayers are with everyone impacted by Hurricane Ike. May the Lord’s mercy, favor, provision and protection be showered upon you all. Amen

(Note from Linda: This powerfully encouraging message was posted on the private website yesterday by one of the FAM members and it was very popular for obvious reasons! So I thank Becky for her permission to share it with everyone here, because I know you will definitely be blessed and encouraged when you read it!)
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I want to share what God has shown me this morning. I had been feeling a little discouraged about some recent events. I just felt weary and felt like giving up but giving up to what??

As I got up to pray this morning I didn’t hardly know what to pray but asked God to show me what I needed to do. After I finished praying I went outside to water my plants. I had done a lot of gardening in the past couple of months. A couple of months ago while pruning one of my geraniums, I accidently pulled a part of it out by the roots. Well, I got it in my head to plant that uprooted part in another area of my yard. I had been watering that and my other flowers every day for extra watering because I live in a very hot climate and the drip system is not enough for new plants. Well naturally that plant went into shock, lost of lot of its leaves, its stems looked brown and I was wondering if it had any life in it at all. In fact last weekend, I was having company and almost decided to pull it up and replace it with a new fresh plant because it ruined the appearance of my yard.

As I was saying, when I went out to water, crying and praying while I’m doing this, I noticed a very tiny new bud on that plant. I thought to myself, wow, I guess it still is alive. It still looks ugly because there is only one little bud on it. Well God began to speak to me how this applied to my life.

This plant (spouse) doesn’t look very good right now. In fact, people that look on may say, you need to get rid of that plant for there is no hope. Why don’t you just replace it with a new plant and start over! Furthermore what will people think when they come to your home and see that ailing plant. But I have continued to water that seemingly dead plant for the last couple of months. There was no bud there yesterday. I would know because I water it everyday. But now, suddenly when it appeared to be completely dead on the outside, I didn’t know what was happening inside for new life was getting ready to come out.

I was reminded of one of my favorite scriptures, Isaiah 43:18-19, “Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old, Behold, I will do a new thing. Now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

I live in Southern California were it is very dry all summer and the hills become very brown during the summer. But when winter comes and we have a little rain, all of a sudden you will look out and it will be green. You never saw it turn green but it just appears. The Lord says, “Now it shall spring forth”. It was seemingly dead and brown and then one day you look out there and is green. You didn’t see any signs of it turning green. It just happened.

I just began to cry thinking of God’s love for encouraging me this morning and reminding me that things may appear dead but “suddenly” at the appointed time, He will cause new life to spring forth. Then I thought, “what would happen if I gave up watering that plant? “What would happen if I gave up standing for my marriage? I felt the Lord speak very clearly to me to continue watering whether I see any results, whether it seems like my efforts are in vain, whether anyone else thinks you are crazy. Water, water with prayer and fasting, water with praise and thanksgiving, water with obedience to His word, water in faith.

Hebrews 10:35-36 Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise!!! AMEN!

Everyone standing for marriage restoration knows all about the seemingly unbearable pain, disappointment and sense of rejection experienced when one’s spouse chooses to abandon their marriage vows, and no amount of faith in God keeps anyone from feeling that. Yet, in the same way there is no sin in being tempted, only in how we might respond when tempted, God is a lot more concerned about how we respond when dealing with separation and divorce than with our human emotions. So we have to look to His Word to understand what God expects of us and His purpose is in allowing this time in our lives. And we gain valuable insight into that by reading today’s devotional by Dr. Charles Stanley, The Path of Brokenness, which was a powerful message shared by one of the FAM members on the private website this morning.

When we recognize that God does indeed have a purpose for what we’re going through right now, and that His purpose is always for our good and to bring glory to Jesus Christ, the best thing to do is to yield to His purpose and accept that our circumstances can be used for the Lord’s glory and be worked to our good, as promised in Romans 8:28 (NASB), which says And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. And since the Word assures us that the Lord is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8), and Genesis 50:20 states You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives., we have God’s Word that HE is indeed allowing AND USING EVERYTHING that we’re going through for our good and to save many others; all of which He does for the praise and glory of Jesus Christ. And that’s confirmed in Ephesians 1:11-14, which says In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory.

So we have to ask ourselves IF we REALLY believe God’s Word; because if we TRULY believe it, it has the power to bring peace, healing and joy to our hearts, minds and spirits in the very midst of our trials, and just like Peter, as long as we keep our eyes on Jesus, we can safely walk above the storms raging around us. But as soon as we begin to look at our circumstances and what we see our spouses doing or not doing and what we hear or don’t hear them saying, we are going to sink (Matthew 14)!

Just about every man and woman standing for marriage restoration that I’ve ever talked to has at some time or another said “It’s hard…I just can’t do this.”…or something very similar. And that’s true, because we can’t AS LONG AS WE KEEP TRYING TO DO IT IN OUR OWN STRENGTH! But as Ephesians 1:14 says, Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory. So our ability to walk out what God has called us to do for the glory of Jesus Christ is GUARANTEED through the Holy Spirit at work in us! Even Jesus Himself told us that apart from Him, we can’t do ANYTHING, but that when we remain in Him and His Word remains in us, we can bear much fruit and that WHATEVER we ask will be given to us (John 15:5-7!

Sadly, in addition to demonstrating that we are standing for marriage restoration in our own strength when we focus more on how hard it is or conclude that we can’t do it, we are actually calling God a liar or saying that we don’t believe in the power and promise of His Word, because 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NKJV) says And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. And Philippians 4:13 says I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Therefore, many men and women standing for marriage restoration have allowed their thoughts of hopelessness and giving up to become strongholds in their hearts, minds or spirits and they aren’t even attempting to take them captive by making them obedient to Christ/the Word of God, even though they are clearly arguments and pretensions setting themselves up against the knowledge of God (2 Corinthians 10:3-6).

Unfortunately, few Christians realize that the Bible actually tells us that we are indeed going to suffer as Christians. In fac, Romans 8:17 leaves no doubt of that, because it says Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. Yet we seem to want and expect to experience the glory of Christ without sharing in His suffering, which just isn’t going to happen. Jesus made that very clear in Luke 9:23, which says Then he said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. By saying that we have to take up our crosses to follow Him, Jesus obviously meant that we have to crucify our flesh every day; probably many times a day! But most of us have not yet mastered denying ourselves and taking up our crosses, which is why we tend to be focused on OUR pain, disappointment, and feelings of rejection instead of recognizing how much Jesus suffered to give us victory over every weapon brought against us and our marriages. Yet, for some reason, it seems easier to see ourselves as victims instead of the victors Jesus died to make us. But what a difference it makes when we understand the power and promise of Romans 5:3-5, which says Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

So instead of being overwhelmed by our emotions, we should embrace them as the growing pains necessary to get us where God wants us and that He does indeed have purpose in allowing our present trials and that it’s all meant for our good and for His glory. Yes, even in our suffering, God has purpose, as we see in 2 Corinthians 1, which says Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. So instead of focusing on the pain, disappointment, and rejection of separation and divorce, let’s follow Jesus and glorify Him by taking up our crosses each day as we walk through this time to the glorious and victorious futures God already has planned for us when we allow our suffering to be used for His glory and to help bring comfort to others we encounter on God’s predestined journey to our fully restored marriages and families! And when we learn to embrace and yield to the work God is doing in and through us, we will indeed be blessed and encouraged beyond belief as we grow in our walk and relationship with the Lord!

It’s quite surprising to realize how easily we come up with and accept some of the things we do about God and what He does, even though we would know they aren’t true if we’d just take the time to fully consider them and how they measure up with what is word teaches.

For instance, most of us have heard or even said ourselves that God tests us so He knows what is in our hearts or to find out if we really trust Him and whether or not we will obey Him. Yet, based on many passages of scripture, we know that’s just not true. Psalm 139, particularly verses 1-4, leaves no doubt that nothing about us is hidden from God, and that He knows ALL there is to know about us; what we think, how we feel, what we’re going to say, and even when and where we’re coming and going. Yet, after acknowledging that God ALREADY knows all there is to know about him, David still asks God to “search him and know his heart and to “test” him and know his anxious thoughts and to see if there is any “offensive” way in him. And THEN He asks the Lord to lead him “in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24 says Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

I often suggest that men and women standing for marriage restoration read Psalm 139 and ask the Lord to search them and test them and reveal if there is any offensive way in them. However, I also caution them that it’s a very powerful prayer; one that God seems to answer very quickly and that it really hurts when He does! Since David first acknowledged that God ALREADY knew all there was to know about him, why would he then ask God to search and test him and see if there was any offensive way in him? I believe the anser is in verse 6, which says Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. And as Jeremiah 17:9-10 makes clear, The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? “I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.” Obviously, we can’t even know our own hearts; yet we know that the words we speak reveal the content of our hearts according to Luke 6:45, which says The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. So that means that the words we speak when the Lord tests us, along with the thoughts from which they originate, reveals to US AND OTHERS what is REALLY in our hearts. And since we know that unforgiveness, self-righteousness, being judgmental toward others, hatred and other ungodly thoughts and attitudes hinder the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives, it’s important to ask God to search and test us to reveal any “offensive” way in us, so that we can be led into His everlasting way! And the following passages of scripture verify, confirm and reveal an awful lot about when and why God tests us.

1 Corinthians 3:13 – For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man’s work.

Ecclesiastes 3:18 – I also thought, “As for men, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals.

Exodus 20:20 – Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid. God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you to keep you from sinning.”

Deuteronomy 8:2-3 – Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD.

Deuteronomy 8:16 – He gave you manna to eat in the desert, something your fathers had never known, to humble and to test you so that in the end it might go well with you.

Jeremiah 9:6-7 – You live in the midst of deception; in their deceit they refuse to acknowledge me,” declares the LORD. Therefore this is what the LORD Almighty says: “See, I will refine and test them, for what else can I do because of the sin of my people?

Lamentations 3:39-40 – Why should any living man complain when punished for his sins? Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD.

James 1:12 – Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Hebrews 11:17-19 – By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had received the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, even though God had said to him, “It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.” Abraham reasoned that God could raise the dead, and figuratively speaking, he did receive Isaac back from death.

Isaiah 48:10-11 – See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this. How can I let myself be defamed? I will not yield my glory to another.

Job 23:10 – But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

Psalm 66:10 – For you, O God, tested us; you refined us like silver.

James 1:2-4 – Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Based on the above passages of scripture, it’s pretty apparent that God doesn’t test us to find out what is in our hearts, what we’ll do or how much we trust Him, because He already knows that and more. But God does test us to correct and discipline us and to reveal to US and others what is in our hearts and where we stand with Him. When we buy a tube of toothpaste, we have every reason to believe that only toothpaste will come out when we squeeze it. But we can’t really be absolutely certain of that until we actually squeeze it and see what comes out. In the same way, we quite often think that we’ve come a long way in our walk and relationship with the Lord and that we’ve gotten rid of the yuk (bitterness, unforgiveness, self-righteousness, hatred, pride, being judgmental, etc.) in us, but when the Lord examines our hearts and thoughts and hears our words, He knows better. But due to our naturally deceitful hearts, we aren’t aware of what God and even others see so clearly, so God squeezes us and the yuk comes out and then we realize that there’s still more work to do! When silver is refined, it’s considered “pure” only when the fire burns away all of the impurities, which is what God always does in us and why He tests us repeatedly. Since we’re here to bring praise, honor and glory to Jesus Christ, and we can’t do that when we’re full of yuk and living contrary to the written Word of God, He uses times of testing in our lives to bring us into right relationship with Him and into HIS will, plan and purpose. So the sooner we understand the reason for the test, the sooner we can do whatever it takes to pass the next time and then move into God’s GOOD plan for our lives. And in His infinite love, mercy and grace, God is ever so faithful to give us the test over and over again until we pass it and are ready to move on to the next one! So the next time we’re tested, let’s be sure to ask God to reveal why so we can rely on HIS grace and strength as we stand on the power and promise of His Word for the full and complete restoration of our marriages and families and be blessed and encouraged!