One of the devil’s most effective and destructive weapons against men and women desiring to stand for the restoration of their marriages is the false doctrine of “free will”, which is very unfortunately believed, taught and promoted by a surprising number of Christians and Christian leaders today. As I acknowledged in the first Seeds Of Faith post I wrote on this topic almost two years ago, The False Doctrine of Free Will, I grew up believing this lie too, which is one of the reasons it makes me so angry when I hear that pastors and counselors continue to preach it to the majority of men and women who come to the ministry and have to unlearn it. I just don’t believe it’s possible to read the Bible and continue to believe this invention straight from the pit of hell! If we believe it, there’s just no point in standing for our marriages, because we don’t believe God can do anything without the approval or permission of our spouses; that He won’t do anything against THEIR will! How preposterous is that!

Yes, God will let us stray and He will give us numerous opportunities to make the right choices, but there WILL come a time when He will intervene and bring HIS will to pass in our lives. And that does NOT require a decision from any of us to do the right thing according to God, because He is more than able to change our hearts and create circumstances that radically change our minds and attitudes; including our willingness to live obediently! We recently had just such a testimony posted on the ladies’ private website by a FAM member who had been divorced for many years. She had filed for the divorce, which ended up being very nasty, and she and her husband remained bitter and angry with each other over the years. But they saw each other at an event where contact with each other was unavoidable and much to her surprise, she fell in love with her husband all over again! So after being divorced for so many years, she is now standing for the restoration of her marriage, and they’ve actually had some very encouraging and positive interaction with each other since she realized that she still loved him and wanted him back! And all of that came about through circumstances she and her husband had nothing to do with and could not avoid, and it was all totally against anything either of them wanted or expected, especially since the husband had recently become seriously involved with someone else for the first time since their divorce!

As I often tell men and women standing for marriage restoration when they struggle with whether or not it’s what God wants them to do or if they want to do it anymore; if God wants us to stand for our marriages and we try to walk away from it, HE will create the circumstances that bring us right back to it. So I just tell anyone thinking of abandoning their stand to go head and try, because God will bring them back to it and they won’t be happy with the consequences when they do. And without exception, the men and women I have talked to about it acknowledge that every time they’ve tried to abandon their stand, God has always brought them right back to it. So much for free will! Standing for marriage restoration when the whole world, including your pastor, family and friends think you’re crazy is one of the hardest things anyone will ever attempt to do, and it is not something anyone ever “chooses” to do. We do it because we love our spouses and we take our marriage vows and commitment seriously, and because God has given us the desire, grace and strength to stand against the odds and rely on the power and promise of His Word for the restoration of our marriages and families.

But as we stand for the restoration of our marriages and the salvation of our spouses, we must devote ourselves to prayer, because as John 6:44 tells us, “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and I will raise him up at the last day. And John 12:32 says “But I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to myself.” So it is God and Jesus, through the power of the Holy Spirit, who will draw our spouses to the Lord and salvation; not a matter of their free will choice, as the false doctrine of free will would have us believe. So we have to rely on God’s promise in 1 John 5:14-15, which says This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. And thanks to John 3:16, we know that it is God’s will for our spouses to be saved; it says “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. While we all probably know that verse, we might not be so familiar with the two preceding verses, which say Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the desert, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life.” And when we stand on the power and promise of God’s Word for the restoration and salvation of our marriages and spouses, we are lifting up the name of Jesus, and others, including our spouses, will be drawn to salvation as they witness how the Lord works in our lives and restores our marriages and families..

As one of the youngest FAM Fellowship members recently shared with me; the ONLY way we can stand in absolute faith and confidence that God is going to restore our marriages is to know that there’s no such thing as free will. She said she believed that God wouldn’t do anything against her husband’s will when she came to the ministry (and that’s what everyone counseling her keeps telling her), which is why she felt she had to do something to change her husband’s mind and attitude about what he was doing. Of course, as we’ve all discovered the hard way; that only made things worse. But now she understands that it is God who can and will change her husband’s heart and mind, so now she doesn’t have to do anything but her best to love, respect and honor her husband unconditionally, and let him see the way God has and continues to work in her own heart and life. Like she said to me; “How can we believe in the restoration of our marriage if we believe God can’t and won’t do it unless it’s what our spouse wants?” And the only answer to that is that we can’t.

Since Dr. Charles Stanley is one of the Bible scholars and teachers I have the greatest respect for, because I know he believes and teaches the Word of God, I was thrilled to hear how he confirmed so much of this post in his message yesterday, which I didn’t listen to until after writing it (one of the FAM members sent me the link because he liked what Dr. Stanley said about there being no such thing as free will)! So I’d encourage everyone to take the time to listen to That All May Know Him. And be blessed and encouraged to know that there is no such thing as free will, because no matter what we or anyone else think or believe, God Almighty reigns and HIS will WILL be done here on earth just as it is in heaven! Amen!

An interesting observation made when ministering to men and women standing for marriage restoration is that most of us don’t really know what pride is. Very few FAM Fellowship members who I’ve talked to more than once or twice could say that we didn’t eventually get around to discussing pride, and I couldn’t even say how many have said at least once, “I didn’t know that was pride.” Based on my study and understanding, the simplest definition of pride for our purposes is that pride is anything that attempts or desires to be what God is or anything that attempts and desires to do what God says HE will do. The best evidence of that is found in the Bible’s account of what caused Satan’s downfall, as revealed in Isaiah 14:12-14, which says How you have fallen from heaven, O morning star, son of the dawn! You have been cast down to the earth, you who once laid low the nations! You said in your heart, “I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, on the utmost heights of the sacred mountain. I will ascend above the tops of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.”

So any time we try to be what only God is and what only God can be or desire and attempt to do what only God can do, we are acting in pride. And that’s walking in very dangerous territory, because Proverbs 16:18 warns Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Being haughty or acting in some way superior to others is probably what most of us think of as pride, but based on this verse, it’s apparent that there’s more to pride than haughtiness. Then 1 Peter 5:5 says Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” So obviously, humility is the opposite of pride and the best safeguard against the destruction that comes with it. That’s why we see the Lord work so mightily in our lives and circumstances when we finally reach a point of brokenness; when we realize that in and of ourselves, there’s absolutely NOTHING we can do to change or improve the circumstances of our marriages. And when we learn to live and walk in humility as we rely on the power and promise of God’s Word, we are assured that we will see the Lord move in our lives in ways beyond our wildest imagination and expectation, because the very next verse says Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.

Since God is obviously very serious about dealing with the sin of pride, it’s important to understand exactly what it is and how to avoid it. As Isaiah 2:11 reveals, The eyes of the arrogant man will be humbled and the pride of men brought low; the LORD alone will be exalted in that day. That once again confirms that pride is something that exalts itself where only God has a right to be, and that God will not allow it to stand.

Yet, all pride is not bad, as indicated in Isaiah 16:6, which says We have heard of the pride of Moab, an excessive pride; Even of his arrogance, pride, and fury; His idle boasts are false. So it’s excessive pride, arrogance and false boasts that get us into trouble; like when we think we can do or attempt to do what only God can do or when we try to take credit for something only God did and can do, thereby robbing Him of the glory due to Him and Him alone. For instance, when we try to be our spouses’ Holy Spirit Junior and attempt to bring conviction by pointing out their sins in an effort to get them to change their ways and come home, we’re trying to do what only God can do through the power of the Holy Spirit.. And ANYTHING we do to try to change our spouses’ minds and hearts to save our dead marriages, is trying to do what only God can do. When we try to defend and vindicate ourselves, we are trying to do what only God can do, and what He very specifically promises to do on our behalf. And when we do all of that, we are in fact trying to exalt our own knowledge and ability above that of God, and that’s pride.

But reading 2 Chronicles 17:6 (NASB) confirms that all pride is not bad, because it says He took great pride in the ways of the LORD and again removed the high places and the Asherim from Judah. And when we read that in the NKJV, we get a better understanding of when pride is not a bad thing; it says And his heart took delight in the ways of the LORD; moreover he removed the high places and wooden images from Judah. And then in the NIV, the same verse says His heart was devoted to the ways of the LORD; furthermore, he removed the high places and the Asherah poles from Judah. But even in these examples, it’s easy to see how pride could become excessive without the presence of humility; in other words an understanding that NOTHING we do is done apart from the Lord and nothing we do should have greater priority than our personal walk and relationship with Him and bringing praise, honor and glory to His name.

One of the most interesting insights I’ve gained in this ministry, especially personally, is how Satan takes even the good things we know to do and makes them prideful if we get so caught up in doing them that they keep us from what God calls us to do. A personal example of that is my determination to walk in humility after gaining a better understanding of how important and powerful it is. But I took it to an extreme and didn’t want to have my name appear anywhere on the FAMM websites. And just as clearly as I’ve ever heard the Lord speak to me, He said “So WHOSE testimony is this?” Well, since He had just shown me the significance of Revelation 12:10-11, I knew exactly what He meant! It says Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: “Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ. For the accuser of our brothers, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down. They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death. As strange as it sounds, I was being prideful in my humility! And then I decided to fast during a very difficult and challenging time in my life, and after fasting for nine days and nights, I knew for a fact that I could go a full forty days and I was very excited about being able to do that! But the Lord nailed me again, because my fast was no longer for the right reason; I was proud of the fact that I could fast for forty days and that became my focus and motivation instead of the original reason and purpose for the fast! So as difficult as it was to do, I had to break the fast, because it was the only way to squash my rotten pride.

So pride is a very tricky thing and can sneak up on any of us, even when we’re doing our best to walk in the ways of the Lord. That’s why Jesus told us that we have to pick up our cross daily to follow Him; which means crucifying our flesh every day. And the only way to be sure we aren’t walking in pride and the power and dictates of our flesh is to know God’s Word so we can recognize pride when it rears its ugly head. As 1 John 2:16 tells us, For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. So let’s learn to examine our motivation in ALL that we do to make sure that we are not acting in pride and learn to walk in true humility, which we can do ONLY by always being motivated to live and act in a manner that brings everlasting praise, honor and glory to the name of Jesus Christ! When we do that, we won’t walk in pride and we will truly be blessed by God Almighty, and true to His Word, HE will lift us up in due time!

The following devotional from Charles Stanley was sent to me last Monday morning, and that’s when I knew pride would be the topic for FAM Chat tonight, so read it and be blessed and encouraged!

Following up on the theme of brokenness, which we’ve discussed so much this week, Lorraine Ezell’s Coffee Break devotion this morning reminds us that no matter how bad our yesterdays have been; today is a brand new day! So, thanks to God’s unfailing love, faithfulness, compassion, mercy and grace, we can do and think about things differently today and get different results (just as promised in Isaiah 55). And when we read all of Lamentations 3; men and women standing for marriage restoration can certainly relate to what it means for our souls to be downcast within us. But as Lorraine reminds us, what an awesome promise we have in Lamentations 3:22-26, which says Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. So as we’ve discussed earlier this week, we need not fear and dread the difficult times of our lives, because God knows all about them and intends to use them all for His purpose and the glory of our Lord and Savior, and He WILL cause it ALL to work together for good when we love Him and are called according to HIS purpose (Romans 8:28); just as confirmed in Lamentations 3:29-40, which declares Let him bury his face in the dust—there may yet be hope. Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him, and let him be filled with disgrace. For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men. To crush underfoot all prisoners in the land, to deny a man his rights before the Most High, to deprive a man of justice—would not the Lord see such things? Who can speak and have it happen if the Lord has not decreed it? Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both calamities and good things come? Why should any living man complain when punished for his sins? Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD. What amazing confirmation of everything we’ve been talking about this week! We need not dread this terrible time in our lives when we feel as if we’ve lost everything dear to us; instead we need to embrace it all as a time of learning and preparation for the great work of restoration God wants to do in us, our spouses and our marriages and families. And just as the Word promises in so many passages of scripture, when we are in distress and call on God, He will hear us and answer us and show us great and mighty things we do not know (Jeremiah 33:3); also confirmed in Lamentations 3:57-58, which says You came near when I called you, and you said, “Do not fear.” O Lord, you took up my case; you redeemed my life.

So read the following Coffee Break devotion by Lorraine Ezell and remember that today is indeed a NEW DAY and be blessed and encouraged! And as one of the FAM Fellowship members reminded us yesterday; rejoice and God will give you even more to rejoice about!

“They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:23

I’ll be the first to admit that sometimes I miss it. There are days that I don’t always do what I should, but I am thankful that even if I missed it yesterday, I don’t have to stay there. Today is a new day- a new day that has brand new mercies available to me. Yesterday I might have been a failure, but today I can be a winner. Yesterday I might have suffered defeat, but today I can be victorious.

Look at Peter. There was a “yesterday” and a “today” for him. Yesterday, he denied Christ, but then we see him a few days later and Jesus is commissioning him to feed His sheep. Mary Magdalene had a “yesterday”. Yesterday she was full of demons and the Lord cast them out. The next day-her “today”- she is a follower of His- staying by His side even until He drew His last breath on the cross.

There is a “yesterday” and a “today” (so to speak) in all of our lives. Yesterday we may have been in one place, state or condition, but today because of the goodness mercy and grace of the Lord we can be somewhere completely different. You might have missed it yesterday, but today you can get back on track. Yesterday you might have blown it, but today you can get back up. Yesterday you might have been disobedient, but today you can repent and fulfill His will. Yesterday you might have walked in the flesh, but today you can walk in the spirit. Yesterday you might have been a failure, but today you can be more than a conqueror. Don’t let your mistakes of yesterday hold you in bondage. Today is a new day and the Lord is standing at it’s threshold waiting to make it a new “today” for you.

Have a great day. You may have blown it yesterday like Peter, but today you can hear the Lord say “Feed My sheep”.

Coffee Break is a morning devotional written by Lorraine Ezell, and available online and sent by email free of charge for the asking from About the Master’s Business Ministry, Inc.

So please feel free to call Lorraine at (601) 833-5278 or E-mail her at mastersbusiness@bellsouth.net
And you can visit her on the web at MastersBusiness.org.

Praise the Lord for more awesome confirmation! It will never cease to amaze me how faithful God is to confirm and repeat over and over again from one source after another the important messages He wants to convey to us! And that’s exactly what happened again this morning when I received the following link in an email message from a FAM member with a note saying that it had spoken volumes to her. This message is why it is so important for everyone standing for marriage restoration to truly believe and live according to the promise God gives us in Romans 8:28; we have to believe that HE IS GOING TO CAUSE ALL THINGS to work together for good when we love Him and are called according to HIS purpose! So read this message from ChristNtes.org, and learn to embrace the changes God wants to make in you and you can’t help being blessed and encouraged!

I received my Covenant Keepers newsletter yesterday and I want to share some of what Pastor Ken Savage stated in an article he wrote.

First of all, he states, “The world is using smoke and mirrors against the Body of Christ in the hope of compromising and numbing us into worldly conformity. Rather than offering covenant counseling and marriage intervention, the church has bought into the world’s illusion of happiness and narcissism, and offers divorce recovery classes. How can the church be so far from the heart of God? He hates divorce and yet divorce is promoted as a viable model above reconciliation and dying to selfishness.”

He does add that the good news is that in the last days God is going to rend heaven and dispel the illusions of the world. Our perception, as a witness to the Lord’s healing power, will be greatly advanced in the near future.

He goes on to say that waiting for God to restore our marriages is not passive in any way, shape or fashion. It is an aggressive tarrying and seeking the Lord. We should have a rather quiet desperation for His presence. But Pastor Savage explains that waiting for the Lord’s timing and presence is critical. So our goal needs to be seeking God’s presence; waiting on Him to show up in power and glory. And restoration will be the byproduct of His presence.

He continues by saying that as we wait on the Lord, we begin to walk in righteousness; which is the task of the believer. The Lord will meet you, join with you, empower you, and fill you as you seek to walk in righteousness. He tells us that this is the practical living out of the declared righteousness spoken over us when we believe.

The most powerful part of the article for me was when I read the following:
“ As you stand for the healing of your marriage, you will be tempted time and time again to act in an unrighteous manner. It is then that Jesus will meet you and respond in righteousness, rather than the flesh. This is the key factor that brought me back to my wife. I was convinced of my sin not by Lauren’s words, but by the righteous behavior she displayed. Her righteous kindness brought me to repentance. Her Godly actions brought me to desire reconciliation. Her continued righteous living completed our restoration. She met with the Lord and walked out her declared righteousness.”

We must continuously and constantly walk with the Lord, calling out His name in all we do. We have to acknowledge our need and dependence on Him. He is our hope and our future in everything. As we become more and more dependent on God and His Word, our intimacy with Him grows and we are able to hear and listen to what His plans for us are. And when we have that knowledge, we can be obedient and fully reap the benefits God has for us as we dedicate our lives to righteous living according to His Word.

One of our new members shared something that was said at her church by a minister; “Failure is an opportunity for God to show his favor!” Wow, that struck me hard, as I can NOW believe that! Psalm 53:17 is a verse that jumped out at me some time ago; it says “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.”

This verse seems to go right along with what the minister was saying. In regard to our marriage situation, when we have had it, totally given up on everything, tried everything, cried our eyes out, at the end of our rope, felt the straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak; that is when God can work in us! I think this is when God would say “Good, NOW you are ready!” Our heart has been HUMBLED, we are BROKEN, and we are sorry for all of OUR wrongs and shortcomings. Our finger is not pointing to our spouses anymore, but it is pointing at US. And we begin to ask God to HEAL US, to CHANGE US!! God is very pleased with this sacrifice; it is better than a burnt offering, because we have come to realize that it is God who we need FIRST and FOREMOST!! That’s when God can begin to change us; when our hearts are open to Him and OH SO HUMBLE! God can then pour His love into us and heal our broken hearts. And then watch out!!! Circumstances are going to start to change for the better in our stand for our marriages when we begin to let go and put GOD in control of not just our marriages, but our entire lives! When we just love God, delight in Him and learn about Him and fall in love with Jesus, the awesome power of God begins to work! Our spouses begin to change; they seem to draw nearer to us. There are all kinds of super natural happenings! I know; because it has happen to me! There were so many praises once I learned to release everything to the Lord! Psalm 37:4 tells us “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Numbers 23:19 tells us “God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?” WOW! Yay GOD! What a mighty promise this is!! Let us continue to Trust in the Lord with all of our hearts and lean not to our own understanding! God will direct our paths. And if God be for us, who can be against us! What a mighty, awesome God we serve!!

Love
Doris

We’re in the process of making some big changes to the private websites, so we hope to soon have what we call The FAM Family Room, where men and women can share posts with each other and still have private areas just for men and women. Meanwhile, I share posts from the men and ladies with each other when I think they will bless or edify the other in some way. And when I first read the following post on the men’s site, I thought it was not something I would share with the ladies; it seemed like something more particularly for the men. But as I thought more about it and read it again, I actually went from that to feeling that it was so important that it needs to be shared here as well. So I thank the FAM Fellowship member who wrote it for permission to share something so personal here; anonymously for obvious reasons. As I told him, there’s So much here to comment and expound upon that it could well be the topic for FAM Chat this weekend, which I was considering (and may well do in the future). But soon after I asked for permission to share this, the same member sent me an awesome message from Charles Stanley about pride, which is what the Lord told me chat is to be about this Friday. Of course, pride is the problem that makes us think of marriage as a contract instead of respecting and honoring it as the Holy covenant God created it to be, so there is a natural connection between the two topics anyway. And that’s a first; I’ve never known what the topic was so much in advance! So FAM Chat should be great this Friday night!

Anyway, I just hope and pray that everyone reading this will be able to understand the vital significance of its message and how we all so easily went from understanding that marriage is NOT a contract to thinking and acting as if it is. While there are some very important messages for men, there’s also a lot here for us ladies too! More than likely, I’ll pick some points out of this for upcoming posts, because there’s so much of great importance here to everyone standing for marriage restoration. This is a powerful testimony and a message we can all learn so much from, so I pray that the Lord will touch and soften the hearts of every reader and be glorified! If we get this message, there’s no doubt that we will truly be blessed and encouraged!

This weekend, I read Every Man’s Battle, by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker. Most of the book is focused on men’s sexual attitudes and behaviors toward women, both those who may be and may not be their spouses, including a couple of chapters on marriage. I found their statements and insights powerful and began to relate the information to where I am at this time in standing for my marriage.

The promise I made on my wedding day was not conditional; I made a commitment and covenant with my wife and God. But I admit that I did not cherish and honor my wife as I had promised. I admit that I fell considerably short of being the husband that God called me to be and then expected me to be. The fact is that if I had made Christ the center of my life, I would have been all my wife desired and I would not be separated from her right now. Yes, she had responsibilities as a wife and her commitment to God, but I could have made it so easy for her to keep those desires alive in her heart.

That being said, as I have come to confess, repent and live a Christ-centered life, the promises I made to my wife and God have not changed. God still expects me to keep my promises and covenant; He hates divorce and expects me to change; accept and demonstrate love in whatever way is necessary to show my love and to cherish and honor my wife–whatever the cost. Although the cost seems like everything when taking a survey of my circumstances at this time, I know God has plans for the restoration of my marriage based on the promises of His Word.

We live in a world of contracts; detailing the conditions of specific situations,- generally intended to protect our own best interests. So it is no wonder God made certain that marriage was not to be viewed as a contract. He knew full well that our pride, sinful nature and selfishness would change those conditions from the original state of our marriage. Through our trials and tribulations of maintaining a relationship, He knew we needed to be more grounded in something stronger than a contract. So we had to make a vow; which is a promise that we would do EVERYTHING we have to do to keep our promise to Him. So it is by no mistake that God wanted us to promise and establish unconditional covenants for our marriages.

My stand for our marriage has to do with how God values me and my wife. And those of us who are standing, no how incredibly difficult it is to do so. God greatly values both me and my wife, as evident by the vital importance and commands He gives concerning marriage. So my commitment is not based on my feeling of love for my wife, although I certainly do love her; but on the promise I made to her and God; my love for God and my desire to please Him in all I do. My promise was to stay married despite how the conditions changed. And my regret is not honoring and cherishing my wife every day of her life; treating her as God commanded–in the same way Jesus honored and cherished the church. And I also feel an intense loss of letting God down too.

If I had lived in my marriage according to God’s purpose, I would not have added conditions to our relationship. It would not have mattered whether she did or did not do certain things for me; there would have been no resentment for not spending time with me or spending too much time with others; and anger over petty acts would not have existed. I spent too much time focusing on what I expected to get out of the marriage; conditions of my marriage that I had come to view as a “contract”. When our spouses don’t meet those contractual conditions, we feel resentment toward them for not keeping their side of the “bargain” and we certainly lose sight of what God intended marriage to be.

Fred Stoeker makes some powerful statements that really brought me face to face with the reality of God’s Word. He said that oneness in marriage cannot grow when the focus is on set conditions and not on God’s purpose. He continues saying that our wives were promised by us that they would have more from marriage than they would have as a single woman. Wow, did I ever let my wife down!

But my failure as a husband and as a Godly husband does not mean that I have a failed marriage. Instead, it means that God is giving me (and my wife) a chance to make necessary changes in our relationship for our marriage to be restored to the Christ-centered marriage He intended for it to be from the beginning.

Stoeker challenges husbands to be consumed by their marriage commitment; consumed enough to live faithfully and to cherish our wives completely; consumed enough to stand in harms way and to let go of our pride until God’s purpose and our promises finally established in our marriages.

God’s covenant of marriage is not a contract; He is going to keep His promise. My challenge is to trust God with our marriage and let Him change me into the Godly husband that He desires for me to be and that I desire to become. So I pray for each of you to trust and believe in marriage restoration as you become the obedient, Godly man He desires for you, your spouse and your family.

The following was shared on the private website by one of the FAM Fellowship members, who received it by email, but no one knows who the author was. However, since it was sent with instructions to share it with everyone, and it’s such a powerful message; I share it here with the hope and prayer that all who read it will be blessed and encouraged!
(The verse references are from NKJV.)

I wanted to die and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, You shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD. (Psalm 118:17)

I could not understand why this had happened to me and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

I could not stop crying and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, Those who sow in tears will reap in joy. (Psalm 126:5)

I felt betrayed, rejected, abandoned and ashamed and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because My only Son, your Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, was betrayed with a kiss, arrested, denied by Peter, mocked, beaten, spat on, struck, blasphemed against, falsely accused, abandoned, rejected and crucified on the cross at Calvary! And as it is written Then Jesus said “Father forgive them for they do not know what they do. (Luke 23:34)

I said I have no strength and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. (Nehemiah 8:10…)

I felt weak and weary and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

I could not let go and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. (Philippians 4:13)

I said it looks impossible and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, For with God nothing will be impossible. (Luke 1:37)

I felt hatred, anger and unforgiveness and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, For if you forgive men their trespasses your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. (Matthew 6:14)

I said I don’t know which way to go and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye. (Psalm 32:8)

I said I felt as if I was walking around in darkness and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, My Word is a lamp unto your feet, and a light unto your path. (Psalm 119:105)

I said how can I know You won’t change Your mind like others? And GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, The grass withers, the flowers fade, but the Word of our God stands forever. (Isaiah 40:8)

I said but nobody is on my side and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him. (Chronicles 16:9)

I said I cannot fight this battle and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, The LORD will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace. (Exodus 14:14)

I said I don’t feel like praying for my spouse and God said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you. (Matthew 5:44)

I said I’ve been done wrong and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, Love covers all sins. (Proverbs 10:12)

I said I cannot endure this chastening and God said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten. (Hebrews 12:7)

I said this chastening is painful and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:11)

I said I cannot do this on my own, I need help and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you. (John 14:26)

I said I am having bad thoughts and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, Casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5)

I said I am not experiencing peace and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, I will keep you in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Me because you trust in Me. (Isaiah 26:3)

I said my flesh is finding it hard to be obedient and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, Though He was a Son, yet He learned obedience by the things which He suffered. (Hebrews 5:8)

I said I am under attack from the enemy and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. (James 4:7)

I said but it’s been said that we should never have married, it was a mistake and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. (Matthew 19:6)

I said he says, it’s okay to get divorced! and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce. (Malachi 2:16)

I said I’m frightened, I don’t want to be separated from my family and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, I have not given you a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)

I said how am I going to provide for my children’s needs? And GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)

I said I am in need of healing and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, By His stripes we are healed. (Isaiah 53:5)

I said my spouse needs help and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, So I sought for a man among them who would make a wall, and stand in the gap before Me on behalf of the land, that I should not destroy it: but I found no one. (Ezekiel 22:30)

I said why choose me to stand in the gap? And GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, Open their eyes in order to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and an inheritance among those who are sanctified by faith in Me. (Acts 26:1

I said I don’t want to be a stumbling block to You and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy, to God our Saviour, who alone is wise, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and forever, Amen. (Jude 1:24)

I said how are You going to fix this dead marriage and GOD said STAND.
I said why?
Because it is written, HE is not here, but is risen. (Luke 24:6)

When we’re discouraged or tempted to give up as we stand for the restoration of our marriages and families, testimonies like we’ve seen play out in the life of one of our FAM Fellowship members over the past year is a great source of encouragement to all of us and gives us hope and inspiration as it reminds us of what we’re really standing for and how to do it!

Easter weekend 2007 (not even a year ago yet), Diane and I spent a great deal of time pouring over the details of the settlement proposal her husband had just given her as part of the divorce process he had recently initiated. As it always is, that was a very difficult and emotional process, but Diane was determined to do what she knew she had to do, which was to cooperate to whatever extent she could with her husband, while relying totally on God to do what only He could do and turn her husband’s heart back to her and bring him home. As we ran through the numbers and made all sorts of calculations, it was pretty obvious that Diane’s husband hadn’t really given that much thought to the financial consequences of the decisions he had made, because he was already struggling, and abiding by the terms he had proposed was bound to make things even worse for both of them. But we did our best to understand it all and to identify the issues she needed more clarification about; mostly because certain things weren’t spelled out. So she made a list of questions for clarification, just reminding her husband that they had to be sure it was clear since they would have to live with the agreement after the divorce was final. When they met to go over the agreement, he seemed surprised that she was being so agreeable and surprised by some of her questions and the issues they brought to his attention. To make a long story short, less than two weeks later, her husband asked to go out to eat together and she said he just kept staring at her like he didn’t even know her; of course, he didn’t, because God had made her a NEW creation! Then shortly after that, he called her early one morning and asked her to meet him for breakfast, and the first words out of his mouth was that she didn’t need to “worry about those papers”! And then soon after that, he had to move at the same time he was going out of town, so asked to temporarily store his furniture in their garage until he returned and moved to another rental. Well, that didn’t last long either, because before the end of May, he was home!

Of course, that was just the beginning of their restoration process, and they’ve had ups and downs during that time, but Diane has remained faithful to the Lord and continued to stand on the power and promise of His Word for her heart’s desire, and God has been ever so faithful to bless and reward her faithfulness and trust in Him! To that end, this past Easter, she and her family traveled to visit her family some eight hours away, right along with the family dog! And they had a wonderful time and her husband was no longer uncomfortable in that setting and truly enjoyed the trip along with everyone else. And in addition to that, they are both very excited about plans they’re now making for their future, which includes selling their current home and building a house on their lakefront property. Diane is giving up her home business in a few months and her husband is retiring and they’re looking into other part time income opportunities as they plan to travel and just enjoy their lives together! It sure has been a wonderful blessing to see the many ways God has been steadily at work to fully and completely restore their love, affection, admiration and respect for each other, and how He’s even been healing and restoring other family relationships as well! God just doesn’t do ANYTHING half way, and when we stand firm on the power and promise of His Word and are faithful to praise God for all things in all circumstances, we can expect to see Him do the same work of restoration in our lives too!

This powerful restored marriage testimony has always been, and continues to be, a great example of one of the most important lessons for all of us as we stand for the restoration of our marriages, which Jesus taught in Luke 6:46-49 as follows:
The Wise and Foolish Builders
“Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.”
And Diane’s testimony has certainly proven and shown all of us what it really means to walk out Proverbs 3:5-6, which says Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. And we’re certainly seeing God faithfully uphold and honor His awesome promise in Psalm 37:4-6 in her life; because it declares Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

I have no doubt that the Lord continues to bless and reward Diane so wonderfully BECAUSE she continues to faithfully serve Him and to live for His glory; not just accepting God’s miracle of marriage restoration as a matter of her own happiness and joy; but making sure to always use the Word of her testimony for the Lord’s glory and to overcome the works of the devil in the lives of others. Despite being blessed to witness marriage restoration in the lives of many of our members, Diane is the most faithful and consistent member of the FAM Fellowship when it comes to responding to the praises and prayer requests of other members and she always shares words of hope, encouragement, support and sound biblical guidance with other fellowship members. And she constantly and persistently encourages everyone to stay positive and to continually praise the Lord and hold onto His Word. We all love the promise that God is not a respector of persons and that what He does for one, He will do for all; BUT we can’t expect Him to do what He has done for Diane if we’re not also DOING what Diane has done in terms of putting her complete faith and trust in Him and never ceasing to praise Him and putting His Word into practice in her daily life. But just as we have absolute proof of in this awesome testimony and those of others, against all earthly odds, WHEN we DO things God’s way, we WILL get HIS results! So let’s consider and meditate on the above passages of scripture and how to practice them in our lives, because we can rely on God’s promise that we will be blessed and encouraged when we practice His Word!

Unfortunately, it’s way too easy to get so “busy” and caught up living life that we forget to devote the time and effort we should to praising and giving the appropriate honor and glory so richly deserved by Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. And that’s a real problem, especially to God.

We probably all remember times when we made vows and promises to the Lord when we needed His help and provision in desperate situations; but did we remember those promises and vows once He delivered us? Or did we forget and fail to share our praise with others to give Him the appropriate praise and honor He deserves? God EXPECTS nothing less than our total adoration and praise for his honor and glory, so we can’t afford to forget to praise Him as we see in Psalm 66 and Psalm 72.

It’s very important for us to understand that our failure to give the Lord appropriate praise and honor in the midst of our circumstances can actually prevent or delay the restoration of our marriages, as indicated in 1 Peter 1:6-9, which says In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
As with so many other Bible verses, these verses demonstrate how important genuine faith is to God and how necessary it is for the realization of everything we’re standing for. So when the Lord brings us through the trials we deal with as we stand for the restoration of our marriages, He doesn’t want us to forget and He expects us to share it with others, which is the reason we use a website like this in our ministry. Remembering and sharing all that the Lord does for us is so important, because it helps strengthen our faith, and encourages others, as well as accessing the authority of Christ and overcoming the power of Satan as revealed in Revelation 12:9-12
The great dragon was hurled down—that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him. Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: “Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ. For the accuser of our brothers, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down. They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death. Therefore rejoice, you heavens and you who dwell in them! But woe to the earth and the sea, because the devil has gone down to you! He is filled with fury, because he knows that his time is short.”

From the very beginning of time, God planned EVERYTHING for the ultimate praise and glory of Jesus Christ, as we see again in Ephesians 1:4-12, which says For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ. In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.
That is the purpose for our existence and the purpose for everything we go through, so it’s VERY important for us to understand that and release the supernatural power found only in praising and giving glory to Jesus, our Lord and Savior!

As we can expect with every promise from God, Revelation 5:11-13 shows us how His awesome plan to reveal the glory of Jesus Christ will ultimately be fulfilled; it says Then I looked and heard the voice of many angels, numbering thousands upon thousands, and ten thousand times ten thousand. They encircled the throne and the living creatures and the elders. In a loud voice they sang: “Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise!” Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, singing: “To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever!”

So let’s not lose out on anything the Lord wants to bless us with because of our own failure to give Jesus every bit of praise, honor and glory He so richly deserves! There’s ALWAYS something to praise the Lord for! And when we do, we will most absolutely be blessed and encouraged!

I’ve recently written or shared messages about our need to be careful not to “fellowship” with sin and darkness and that we have to separate ourselves from those we know are indulging in sinful life styles; that we can’t compromise or participate in any way in what we know is contrary to what the Word of God teaches. As is often the case, those messages were written and shared with specific situations involving FAM Fellowship members in mind, especially as I had been trying to persuade one member of the danger of conversing and communicating so much with someone who was so blatantly and unapologetically making choices to live and act contrary to the Word of God. And the Lord ended up using that to remind me of a very important message but as He so often does, He blessed me in the process as well. So I want to share as much as possible without revealing too much about the personal situations of others and still give the Lord the glory He so richly deserves by sharing my personal testimony and a very important lesson for all of us.

What the Lord reminded me of is that we all have to keep 1 Corinthians 10:12 (NKJV) in mind if we’re ever inclined to think we are beyond the reach and influence of the devil, because it says Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.. In other words, we’re ALL capable of falling, so we have to be on the alert, and be especially mindful of what 1 Peter 5:5-8 teaches; it says Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

That’s why it’s SO important for us to know the Word of God and then to put it into PRACTICE in our lives (Matthew 7:24-29), even when it’s very difficult to understand or do. God’s Word is a very powerful weapon and shield against the devil (Ephesians 6:10-17) and when we dismiss it or are disobedient to it in even what seems insignificant ways, we give the devil an opening into our lives, and he will NOT miss taking full advantage when we make his demonic and destructive work so easy. And since the devil always comes to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10) and he’s the father of lies (John 8:44), we know he works through creating doubt and discouragement. And just as he did with Eve all those years ago, his method of operation hasn’t changed; he still says “Did God REALLY say…?” And when we listen to him or enter into dialogue with him, we’ll probably lose and miss out on the awesome blessings God so wants to give us and end up with the same kind of disastrous results (Genesis 3)! And since the devil isn’t stupid and is ever so clever and cunning, his questions always make sense, because they’re intended to entice us to go right on down the road with him, especially when he knows we’re not consistent when it comes to taking those thoughts captive and making them obedient to Jesus Christ/the Word (2 Corinthians 10:3-6). Unfortunately, he’s right way too often, because we are ALL capable of doing that, and when we think we’re not, we had best be careful, lest we fall!

Now, getting back to a particular situation involving one of our members; as God is ALWAYS faithful to do, He does not allow us to continue in sin without bringing consequences, which is exactly what happened in this case as well. And as expected, that created a great deal of emotional pain and turmoil, so my counsel was sought again after a long time of not hearing from this particular member. Naturally, I felt bad for them, but couldn’t and wouldn’t veer from the Word in terms of counsel. Yet, they were intent on repeating the details of the situation over and over again and seemed a lot more interested in figuring out how God could make what was clearly wrong according to His Word right. After repeatedly attempting to keep the conversation focused on God’s Word and what it teaches and finally realizing that was not what this person wanted to hear, I said that I wasn’t going to discuss the matter any further. But the damage was already done, because I had not taken my own counsel to another member concerning the same situation! And even though these conversations took place over a couple of days, almost immediately, the devil started sowing seeds of doubt in my own mind about my personal stand for marriage restoration. Needless to say, I was very surprised by that, because it’s been a long time since I’ve had any doubt about that in my mind at all. But at the time, I did not realize what was going on. And even though I almost never share anything so personal here for obvious reasons, after a couple of days, I feel very strongly led to share how the Lord used this situation to teach me a very important lesson and blessed me at the same time.

Counseling someone who abandons their stand for marriage restoration and gets involved in an inappropriate relationship requires taking a strong stand on what God teaches about marriage after divorce and the only possible grounds found in God’s Word that justifies remarriage after divorce. Yet, by indulging in conversation about that situation and attempting to defend God’s Word as I did, I allowed the devil access to my mind and spirit and I actually started questioning if I had REALLY heard from God, or if I could have misunderstood what I had felt very confident about hearing; with thoughts like maybe my stand wasn’t about the actual restoration of my marriage; maybe it was more about remaining single and faithful to my vows as a means to establishing this ministry to help others and for the Lord’s glory. Even though I didn’t realize how the devil had worked through what I had done contrary to the counsel I had wisely given to someone else, I knew I couldn’t let that kind of doubt take hold in my heart or spirit, because I knew it could become a stronghold if not dealt with immediately. I had NO doubt that I was to remain single or be reconciled to my husband (1 Corinthians 7:10-11), and I had always been pretty confident that God had assured me that he would restore my marriage despite how unlikely it seems and that He had confirmed it over and over again in many ways in the past. But a nagging seed of doubt had been planted, and I knew it HAD to be dealt with. So I did what we sometimes have to do when we find ourselves in doubt about what God is calling us to do, and I asked God for a very specific sign; one which I knew was VERY unlikely and one I felt sure would take an act of God to make happen. And I set a very specific deadline, which made it even more unlikely. The sign involved specific communication from my husband, which for various reasons, I knew was extremely unlikely, especially in the time frame requested. I did tell the Lord that it wouldn’t make any significant difference in my life either way, but that I just needed to get rid of that doubt once and for all so that the devil couldn’t use it against me or hinder my work in the ministry. Well, without going into details, the Lord did give me that sign and went even further than I had requested by doing it in a manner less likely than I even had the nerve or faith to ask for! Praise God for His faithfulness!

So in addition to being reminded how important it is to make sure that we practice the counsel we so freely give to others and that none of us are beyond falling prey to the wicked schemes of the devil, the Lord confirmed once again in a very meaningful way how important it is to always seek HIS wisdom whenever we doubt or feel unsure of His will; and how faithful He will be to answer when we call out to Him (Jeremiah 33:3)! So I went to bed Saturday night, thinking the Lord had answered my prayer and that I must have been mistaken all of the other times I thought I had heard from Him. After all, once we ask the Lord for such a specific sign and don’t get it, we have to accept that answer too, even if it isn’t what we want or expect. I wasn’t really sad; just a little surprised, but resigned and resolved to make peace with the answer I had received and that it wouldn’t really make any meaningful difference in my life or the ministry. And oh how wonderfully faithful the Lord was to provide confirmation that seeking HIS wisdom was the right thing to do, because there’s little doubt the devil would have soon tried to convince me that I shouldn’t have done that in the first place! But the following message from Glenn Jackson, which arrived by email that night, was perfect assurance that seeking the Lord’s wisdom is what we should always do. And reading THE WISDOM WE ARE CALLED TO WALK IN AND LIVE BY IS “NOT OF THIS AGE” makes it very clear why it is so important to always seek and rely on God’s wisdom!

But God wasn’t done yet and He certainly proved once again that He will ALWAYS exceed our every hope and expectation and then some; just like Ephesians 3:2021 says! It declares Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. And perhaps it was even a test; maybe God wanted to see what my reaction would be when I didn’t get the answer I had expected. In either case, I received the specific sign and answer I had asked for very early the next morning and was totally amazed and had to laugh at myself and how God had “one upped” me!

However, it actually took another day to realize how I had opened the door for Satan’s attack by failing to take my own counsel concerning the Bible’s warning to guard against association (including conversation) with fellow Christians who refuse to turn back to the Lord when confronted with the sin in their lives, because we just can’t fellowship with the sin and darkness caused by the devil’s deception without expecting it to have some kind of negative impact on us. And as difficult as it may be to understand, we can’t afford to ignore the Bible’s warning about that, because Galatians 6:1 says Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. And just talking to someone about what they’re doing further encourages and indulges them in their folly, and jeopardizes our own walk with the Lord and our stand for marriage restoration, which 1 Corinthians 5 makes clear with very unambiguous instructions not to fellowship with Christians who refuse to turn from their sinful ways. Verse 5 even says hand this man over to Satan, so that the sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord. Yet, just as with our spouses, we naturally want to “help” those we love when we see them straying away from the Lord and it seems wrong not to try to somehow influence them to turn back, but we all have to be very careful to Practice God’s Word right down to the smallest detail; otherwise we give the devil an opportunity he will never miss! And NONE of us can withstand his attack when we let our guard down through any measure of disobedience. God’s Word is meant to empower and protect us, but we can’t rely on that when we don’t do what it teaches. So I thank the Lord for this important lesson and for His faithfulness to bless us when we sincerely seek His wisdom and call out to Him. So let’s be faithful to DO what the Word teaches and always seek the Lord’s wisdom when we’re faced with doubt or discouragement, because just as promised, God will always hear us and answer us and show us great and mighty things we do not know and we will indeed be blessed and encouraged!

The following Jewels From Judy message from Judy Bauman really applies to all of us and brings great hope and encouragement as we stand for the restoration of our marriages and families, so read A Season of Restoration, Judgment and Truth is Upon Us and be greatly blessed and encouraged!

As we face the challenges of standing for the restoration of our marriages, a very important truth that we need to believe and understand is found in what Jesus said in John 10:10 (NKJV), where He said The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. That means we don’t have to settle for the death and destruction Satan wants for us, our marriages and our families, or let him steal the abundant life Jesus came to give us, because Jesus came to give us victory over Satan and so much more! But it’s important to understand that there’s a choice to be made, and that it’s ours to make. If I were to give you a hundred dollar bill, and if you were to take it without spending it, you might as well not take it in the first place, because it won’t do you a bit of good. And it’s the same way with Jesus. If we have accepted Him as our Savior and made Him Lord of our lives, something is wrong if we’re NOT experiencing abundant life, or lives filled with the fruit of the spirit as described in Galatians 5:22-23, which says But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Most of us have heard and repeated many times ourselves (because we believe it) that the Bible says “If you know the truth, the truth will set you free.” But like so many other verses in the Bible, that’s not even close to what it says, because John 8:31-32, actually says To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” So the REAL truth is that we can’t KNOW the truth and be set free UNLESS we BELIEVE Jesus, HOLD TO HIS teaching, and are REALLY His disciples. So we can’t just leave out the important words “If” and “Then” when proclaiming this awesome promise! But when we believe Jesus, hold to His teaching, which means living according to the Word, and really are His disciples, we WILL truly understand and experience the fulfillment of His promise in Luke 4:17-21, which says:
The scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling it, he found the place where it is written: “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” Then he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him, and he began by saying to them, “Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.”

So it’s very disheartening to see men and women who profess a close walk with the Lord remain under so much bondage to pain, anger, bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness, self righteousness, and despair. So I’d give just about anything to be able to do that mind link thing Mr. Spock used to do when I see people struggling that way. But I know there’s nothing I can do about it, because it always comes down to the same decision we all have to make at some time or another in our lives. And that’s whether or not we REALLY believe and trust, and have a hunger to understand the word of God. Because we either believe that it’s ALL true, or it’s ALL a lie. And when we read the Bible, expecting the Lord to speak to us, to show us His REVEALED word, we’ll always find something we hadn’t seen or understood before, which should make it VERY exciting to read and study. Yet, the truth is that few are very serious or even that interested in reading and STUDYING the Bible, because it’s a lot easier to have someone else read it and then tell us what it says or what it means. But receiving the word that way just doesn’t have the same impact and power in our hearts, minds, spirits and lives as when we read it for ourselves and the Holy Spirit speaks to us through it.

Yet, on the other hand, whenever we have a conversation with our spouses, or receive a letter, email message or text message from them, how much time do we spend trying to understand it, by trying to read between the lines, desperately looking for a glimmer of hope, analyzing, hanging on to and remembering EVERY word, or even considering the tone of voice? We don’t miss ANYTHING they said, or even what was NOT said. Yet, when was the last time we considered God’s word, HIS love letter to us, that way? Ouch!

One of my favorite passages of scripture is Psalm 37:4-7, which says Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. And as we stand for the restoration of our marriages in obedience to the Lord, everyone of us wants the desires of our hearts, our righteousness to shine like the dawn and the justice of our cause to shine like the noon day sun, but what are we doing to delight ourselves in the Lord? What are we doing that proves we’ve committed our way to Him? And is there evidence in our daily lives that we trust Him? The bottom line is that we can NOT claim this awesome promise from the Lord without looking for the “ifs” and thens” in this passage, which applies to ALL scripture. Other than God’s unconditional love, I haven’t found ANY special blessing, promise, protection or provision from the Lord that is not conditional. And since I say that so often, I’m sure someone would let me know if and when they find something disproving it! So it’s very important for us to understand that many verses are often misquoted or quoted without their complete context, and it’s not possible to fully understand them without reading them in context or in the context of the entire Bible.

For example, Ephesians 6:10-18 gives us a much better understanding of the battle Jesus spoke of in John 10:10, as well as providing the instruction we need to be victorious as we stand in HIS mighty power, because it says Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. And it’s not possible to understand the true and deadly nature of this kind of warfare, or that in most cases, our spouses and children are Satan’s intended targets, much less the power and proper use of our armor without reading, studying and understanding our owner’s manual, the Bible, as it was written by our Manufacturer, our Creator, our loving Father, God!

Then, even though Paul’s instructions concerning spiritual warfare in 2 Corinthians 10:2-5 seem very simple, most of us know how difficult they are to practice, because he said I beg you that when I come I may not have to be as bold as I expect to be toward some people who think that we live by the standards of this world. For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. While that sounds simple, we all know that it’s definitely a lot easier said than done, and most of us wouldn’t have a clue how to begin doing it, but we find the answer to that by reading Philippians 4:4-9, which says Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. This passage of scripture really holds the key to living the abundant life Jesus came to give us, because If we’d learn to CONSISTENTLY practice the instruction it provides, we’d have the peace of God and we’d be victorious in EVERY battle the devil wages against us, because it requires us to take our thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ and the Word of God! And if we think this is not possible, we need to read Philippians 4:13 (NKJV), because that says I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

So, in the end whether or not we live the abundant life Jesus died to give us truly is a matter of choice and whether or not we believe, study and understand His word, as found in our Bibles. I’m sure anyone involved in marriage restoration ministry would agree that there is a very direct and evident connection between those who experience victory as they stand for their marriages and how much time they spend studying God’s word. The power of God’s word transforms us as nothing else can, because it has the power to renew our minds, which we know pleases the Lord, according to Romans 12:2, which says Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. And it’s through the process of that transformation that we experience the freedom we seek, AND glorify our Lord and Savior, as revealed in 2 Corinthians 3:17-18, which says Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. So let’s not miss out on the abundant life Jesus came to give us by neglecting and ignoring His love letter to us! It’s up to us to understand that living the abundant lives Jesus came to give us is our choice and when we make that choice wisely, we will truly be blessed and encouraged!

Fear is a natural enemy for everyone standing for the miracle of marriage restoration, because if we give in to it instead of refusing to live in fear and relying on the power and promises of God, we won’t have the faith and confidence necessary to win the war Satan has waged against us, our spouses and our families. However, in 2 Corinthians 10:2-6, Paul instructed us very precisely about how to overcome fear when he wrote I beg you that when I come I may not have to be as bold as I expect to be toward some people who think that we live by the standards of this world. For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete. Obviously God does not expect us to wage war like the rest of the world, and Paul makes it very clear that defeating the devil in the spiritual battle for our marriages requires taking our thoughts captive and making them obedient to Christ, which means the Word of God. But fear keeps us from doing that.

While there are SO many awesome passages of scripture in the Bible about fear, Isaiah 41:10-13 is one of my personal favorites and one we need to study and meditate on until it is so much a part of our inner being that NOTHING can shake us from the confidence we have in God and His faithfulness to meet every need and protect us when we rest in the shelter of His wing. It says:
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. “All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you
will be as nothing and perish. Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them. Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all. For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

And God SO wants us to take Him at His Word, because when we do, we will have the awesome faith and confidence expressed in Psalm 46:1-3, which says God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. Now that’s faith in the face of fear! More importantly, and most powerfully, it’s putting faith in the place of fear, because it’s not possible for fear and faith to co-exist. One of the most awesome examples of overcoming fear with faith is found in Hebrews 16:17-18, which says By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had received the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, even though God had said to him, “It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.”

But there’s no point in denying our fear, because that’s unrealistic. Yet, we do need to learn to DO what God’s Word tells us to do, as we trust God with the consequences. Just as there’s no sin in temptation, because sin is giving in to the temptation and acting on it against the Word of God; there’s no sin or shame in being afraid; the sin and our loss comes when we allow that fear to keep us from walking in the faith needed to please God, making it possible for Him to perform the miracles we need in our marriages and lives. As Romans 14:23 tells us …everything that does not come from faith is sin. And if we doubt faith’s power, Matthew 13:57-58 proves it and is absolute necessity to all of us as we stand for the miracle of marriage restoration, because it says And they took offense at him. But Jesus said to them, “Only in his hometown and in his own house is a prophet without honor.” And he did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith. So never let it be said that the Lord can not work on our behalf to change our spouses and restore our marriages, because our lack of faith and confidence in His word and faithfulness makes it impossible for us to overcome the fear Satan intends to destroy us and our families.

Therefore, whenever fear threatens to overcome us and keep us from letting go and putting ALL of our trust and confidence in the Lord, we need to take those thoughts captive and MAKE them obedient to Jesus Christ and the Word of God, and a great way to do that is to listen to Psalm 91. It’s only two minutes long, so it’s probably a very good idea to listen to it often, especially when we’re going through the most difficult times, because it’s VERY encouraging and it assures and reminds us that there’s NO reason for fear when we’re DWELLING IN THE SHELTER OF THE MOST HIGH! So REFUSE to live in fear and be blessed and encouraged!

Psalm 91:
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”
Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. If you make the Most High your dwelling—even the LORD, who is my refuge-then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
“Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.”

Once we’ve made the decision to be obedient to God and stand for the restoration of our marriages, there’s NO more important question to answer than whether or not we have the ability to believe, because if we don’t believe in God’s Word and every promise it contains, AND God’s ABSOLUTE power and willingness to fulfill them, we’re very sadly deceived if we expect Him to deliver on them. That’s why the very FIRST step in standing for marriage restoration MUST be reading and studying God’s Word, along with a lot of prayer and fasting, to make CERTAIN we KNOW and understand HIS will as we decide to stand against the destruction of our marriages and families. And if we don’t STAY in the Word and continue praying and fasting, Satan WILL come along and sow lethal seeds of doubt in our minds to keep us from believing, because he knows that he has no more effective weapons than doubt and unbelief! And the good news is that you don’t have to take MY word for it, because of the awesome illustration found in Mark 9 14-27, which says:
When they came to the other disciples, they saw a large crowd around them and the teachers of the law arguing with them. As soon as all the people saw Jesus, they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him. “What are you arguing with them about?” he asked. A man in the crowd answered, “Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not.” “O unbelieving generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me.” So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth. Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?” “From childhood,” he answered. “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.” “‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for him who believes.” Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the evil spirit. “You deaf and mute spirit,” he said, “I command you, come out of him and never enter him again.” The spirit shrieked, convulsed him violently and came out. The boy looked so much like a corpse that many said, “He’s dead.” But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him to his feet, and he stood up.

The above passage of scripture very accurately describes what often happens when we decide to take a stand for the restoration of our marriages! First, we usually encounter and even find ourselves involved in discussion or debate about the “law” and what the Bible actually says and means about marriage, divorce and remarriage. And many times, we find Jesus and truly turn to Him for the first time in our lives, and we run to Him in wonder and delight, because we think and HOPE he can help us and that He will save our marriages. But as we face and struggle with the problems and challenges encountered every day when standing for marriage restoration, without seeing any changes or results as we pray, we become discouraged, and doubt and unbelief set in. Then time after time, we ask the Lord over and over again for a “sign” of encouragement, or even for something VERY specific as a sign that He will restore our marriages. And EVEN though He faithfully answers our prayers and we actually witness and experience the EXACT thing we asked Him for as a sign of encouragement or that He’s going to restore our marriages; even when we’ve seen something that we KNOW ONLY GOD COULD DO, we still end up accepting and proclaiming that our marriages are dead and that marriage restoration is hopeless! How can we ask God for a sign, and then be so delighted when He faithfully answers our prayers, only to give up on Him, and so often just a matter of days or weeks later! That’s like calling the Lord a liar! If we ask Him for a sign or for encouragement and He gives it to us, and then we reject or refuse to believe the promise He sent the sign to give us, why in the world should He ever do another miracle for us. What reason does He have to believe we’d use it for His praise, honor and glory? These are very important questions for us to understand the importance of and answer, because the Bible leaves absolutely no doubt that EVERYTHING God does will be for the glory of Jesus (Ephesians 1 and Isaiah 55) and that without faith, it is impossible to please Him and He will NOT answer our prayers or perform miracles for us if we don’t believe He will (Hebrews 11:6, Hebrews 10:38 and James 1:1-8)! So, just like the father in the above passage of scripture, we have to ask the Lord to help us in our unbelief. And as He always is, He will be faithful to help us and He WILL come and lift us up! But we need to beware of the warning in Matthew 13:57-58, which says And they took offense at him. But Jesus said to them, “Only in his hometown and in his own house is a prophet without honor.” And he did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith.

And finally, we have to realize and recognize that even our faith and ability to walk in faith comes from the Lord, because Romans 12:3 tells us For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. And then John 15:5 says “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. And praise the Lord for Philippians 4:13 (NKJ), which assures us I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And as a reminder of what faith really means and requires of us, we can read Hebrews 11:1 (AMP), which says NOW FAITH is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses]. And Romans 10:17 even tells us what it takes to have faith that pleases God and gives us the assurance that He WILL answer our prayers and restore our marriages, because it says Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ. So once again, we learn that the most effective defense against Satan’s lethal weapons of doubt and unbelief is spending quality time studying and meditating on the word of God! And experience proves that there is a very direct correlation between the time we spend in the word and the time we spend battling doubt and discouragement. And if we’re spending too much time in that battle, Satan will probably win, because we’ll give up the stand God called us to for our spouses and the restoration of our marriages. And since that’s a choice each one of us have to make for ourselves, I pray that we will all get a lot more serious about reading and studying our Bibles and send Satan running right back to hell where he belongs! And then we’ll all truly be blessed and encouraged!