(Note from Linda: Dan really hit the nail on the head with the following message, which he posted on the private site this morning, so I appreciate his permission to share it here as well. It’s SO important for all of us to really get and PRACTICE unconditional love, particularly since the Bible tells us that “unfailing” love is what every man (and woman) desires (Proverbs 19:22)! And I’m sure everyone will find the comparison to how we love our children very powerful and quite easy to understand and relate to.

As I was reading Dan’s post, I felt the word “secure” in my spirit, and as he described his love for his kids and what they knew, I realized that they felt “secure” in his love; just as we all should feel secure in God’s love. But the truth is that when we nag and complain and are rarely satisfied with our mates and they feel like they just can’t win with us, they are not going to feel very secure in our love. Yet, that is what loving someone UNCONDITIONALLY does; it makes someone feel secure in our love and creates an environment of freedom and intimacy that isn’t possible otherwise. And guys, this is particularly true for your wives; that’s the kind of intimacy and security they seek. And, of course, speaking words of praise, edification, approval, affirmation, validation and encouragement are how we demonstrate unconditional love. And when we speak contrary words, our spouses feel very unloved and very insecure and very unappreciated. So let’s all learn to speak words of life into our mates and marriages and stop speaking ANY words of death (Proverbs 18:21), and we will indeed be blessed and encouraged with the results…because they will be GOD’S results!)

*****
We consistently hear and read that we are to love our spouses unconditionally; but what does that mean? When we set conditions for our love and we have requirements that must be met or we demand certain circumstances before or when we “love”…that’s not UNCONDITIONAL love. Unconditional means that we don’t set up requirements or expect certain demands to be met, and unconditional love is not turned on and off by what someone else does or doesn’t do.

I have heard and read many people attempt to explain what unconditional love means and how it can be done, but never really quite understood. I think what finally made sense to me was when I related unconditional love to my kids. I care about their well fare, happiness, well-being and every aspect of their lives without any thought of getting anything from them in return. As infants, they were not capable of returning my love. And as they grew and matured, they knew I didn’t expect them to “earn” my love and they knew there was nothing they could possibly do to make me stop loving them. I appreciated any time they demonstrated their love towards me, but I did not expect it; nor did I demand it. My love for them was not based on any preconceived or preset conditions. And today, they know and trust without a doubt that I am going to love them regardless of what they say or do to me or anyone else. There is absolutely no question about my love for them. There may be times I express concern about what they are doing in their lives, but they know I would never stop loving them.

How much more should we love the one person who God created for us and orchestrated for us to be united with in marriage? We entered into a covenant one-flesh marriage with our spouses, and as husbands, we are commanded to love our wives like Christ loves the church, and wives are commanded to submit to their husbands (Ephesians 5:21-33). In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, we are given the meaning of unconditional love, and how I wish I had heeded those verses before.

Unfortunately, I can honestly admit that I expected my wife to reciprocate the love I gave her. I was caught up in the popular myth that a marriage should be a 50/50 relationship. But that is the world’s way, and certainly not God’s. God’s expectation in marriage is that we give 100% of ourselves to our spouses regardless of what we get in return; no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Our love for them should never be based on what we receive from them. And if I had loved my wife as Christ loved the church, I would not be posting on this site!

However, we do know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose for them (Romans 8:28). So we must continue to read, study, absorb and live God’s Word so that we will have the knowledge and understanding in order to receive His wisdom and discernment to welcome our spouses back and love them the way God intended for us to do from the beginning. And we have hope; God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) and created marriage for a man and a woman for a lifetime–until death (Romans 7:2-3). And we know He hears our prayers which are according to His will and that even when it seems impossible to us, it is ALWAYS possible with God.

Posted Monday, April 27th, 2009 at 9:13 am in Seeds Of Faith.